rockheads

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by The Original Ape:
Many women feel lonely and discouraged by their past experiences with men. Many of them can't seem to understand that sometimes relationships end because of their attitude(s)/ behavior; and they refuse to acknowledge this-let alone do anything about it. My purpose was to provoke thought on this, and perhaps to persuade some of these ladies to do some soul-searching-much like they'd like the bruthas to. Maybe they may discover their own personal kinks and make the proper adjustments. Then maybe they may find their luck changing when it comes to romance.

Maybe. But maybe we will make the "proper adjustments" and the men we meet will continue to be liars, cheaters, deceivers and heart breakers.

[DISCLAIMER: This is not the normal attitude of Ideal08. She is normally a chipper, postive person. Today she is bitter.]

[Discogoddess]

Originally posted by The Original Ape:
There is a difference between being an independent thinker, and simply stubborn/hard-headed.

I understand that...my question is, what is an independent thinker, and what is stubborn/hardheaded to you? It seems to me that many brothers consider a woman who doesn't take in all he has to say as the gospel truth a "rockhead," as you so...ummm..."interestingly" put it. I'm surprised to see so many sisters on here willingly use that word to describe themselves and others. (??!!)

Using stubborn/hardheaded and woman in the same sentence seems wrong to me. I always think of children when someone says/writes those words...and it seems to fall into that tired stereotype of the neck-poppin', loud-mouthed black woman that seems to be prevelant.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by Discogoddess:
I understand that...my question is, what is an independent thinker, and what is stubborn/hardheaded to you? It seems to me that many brothers consider a woman who doesn't take in all he has to say as the gospel truth a "rockhead," as you so...ummm..."interestingly" put it. I'm surprised to see so many sisters on here willingly use that word to describe themselves and others. (??!!)

Using stubborn/hardheaded and woman in the same sentence seems wrong to me. I always think of children when someone says/writes those words...and it seems to fall into that tired stereotype of the neck-poppin', loud-mouthed black woman that seems to be prevelant.

I believe we may share the same definition of an independent thinker-someone that deduces their own answers using fact and little-if any opinion. If they use opinion, it's usually their own.
Stubborn, hard-headed are not synonomous: stubborn can be someone hard to convince; hard-headed is usually someone that can't be convinced-unless by themselves. Are you sure you know no women that suffer these characteristics?

I'm surprised you feel this way! By issuing that blanket, uncompromising statement you have, in essence contradicted yourself.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by Ideal08:
Maybe. But maybe we will make the "proper adjustments" and the men we meet will continue to be liars, cheaters, deceivers and heart breakers.

[DISCLAIMER: This is not the normal attitude of Ideal08. She is normally a chipper, postive person. Today she is bitter.]

I freely acknowledge that possibility as well.

By making "the proper adjustments", you reduce the chances of that reocurring. Make the change for yourself; then you will see it was worth it.

I apologize if I've upset anyone. My purpose was to draw attention to the obscure fact that incredible as it may seem, sometimes the reason for the failure of a relationship is not the deed of the man, but the attitude/behavior of the woman.

[This message has been edited by The Original Ape (edited March 26, 2001).]

[sweettgabrown]

HI THERE APE MAN,

Didn't I tell you that you opened up Pandora's Box? So.....who is this lovely woman you are making reference to? She must be berry special! Good Luck, Go ahead, marry her don't be SCURRUD (said in Mystikal country grammar)

[AKA2D '91]

Originally posted by Ideal08:
[DISCLAIMER: This is not the normal attitude of Ideal08. She is normally a chipper, postive person. Today she is bitter.]

Soror, regardless of how you feel/felt...let your little LIGHT shine, shine, shine!

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by sweettgabrown:
HI THERE APE MAN,

Didn't I tell you that you opened up Pandora's Box? So.....who is this lovely woman you are making reference to? She must be berry special! Good Luck, Go ahead, marry her don't be SCURRUD (said in Mystikal country grammar)

Sista, Sista,

You are trullyl out the park on this one! I did not post this because of some crazy, hard-headed, strong black woman in my life! Once again; I started this conversation to get yall's opinion on rockhead women that destroy their own relationships.

[Little32]

My aunt once told me that it would take a strong man to love me. I guess that would make me a rockhead too. Though for the life of me I can't see it.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by LadyAKA:

So we have tried to answer and honestly at that - care to let us in to where you were leading with this? Or as someone mentioned is this hypothetical?

Many women feel lonely and discouraged by their past experiences with men. Many of them can't seem to understand that sometimes relationships end because of their attitude(s)/ behavior; and they refuse to acknowledge this-let alone do anything about it. My purpose was to provoke thought on this, and perhaps to persuade some of these ladies to do some soul-searching-much like they'd like the bruthas to. Maybe they may discover their own personal kinks and make the proper adjustments. Then maybe they may find their luck changing when it comes to romance.

[Discogoddess]

Bruh:

I can get with you on the emotional issues thing, but what do you mean about "too stubborn"? In my mind, many brothers assume that because a woman has her own mind is prepared to use it on a daily basis, that she is "stubborn" or "too sassy" or whatever. Of course, I do feel that many times we (as in all people) must go along to get along, but I also don't feel like I should hide the very asset that attracted the brother(s) to me in the first place (outside of the physical), my MIND and its ability to express itself.

I'm reserving judgement on your question until I hear back from you...

[This message has been edited by Discogoddess (edited March 26, 2001).]

[sweettgabrown]

Hello Original Ape
(How did you get THAT name?)
Apologies, I didn't mean to step on your toes. Very thought- provoking topic. I thought you were just getting some free advice from us gurlz. No harm done. I myself tend to be a lil' hard to please. It comes from an assortment of past experiences ranging from bad relationships to the vestiges of abandonement issues due to my parents separation at a very early age.
I must say, since my dad and I rekindled our friendship, I am able to appreciate men as people, not as the mysterious opposite sex that you once were. I have come to realize that men often have the same issues, fears, insecurities as women. But lucky for women, it is socially acceptable for us to cry or show our "emotions" as well as our "feelings", but men are not afforded the same luxury....but I digress, I can go on forever.......
But I will stop here.

[Discogoddess]

Originally posted by The Original Ape:
By issuing that blanket, uncompromising statement you have, in essence contradicted yourself.

Huh?????????????????????

Just because I asked you a question, and gave my opinion about your original post, doesn't mean I don't know any women who might fit your definition of "hard to love." I also know that we (women and men) attract to ourselves what we put out, so when our relationships don't go well, time and again, it's best to look at ourselves before pointing the finger. I just don't see how name-calling (rockhead, stubborn, hard-headed, etc.) is the right vehicle to express that opinion.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by Discogoddess:
Huh?????????????????????

Just because I asked you a question, and gave my opinion about your original post, doesn't mean I don't know any women who might fit your definition of "hard to love." I also know that we (women and men) attract to ourselves what we put out, so when our relationships don't go well, time and again, it's best to look at ourselves before pointing the finger. I just don't see how name-calling (rockhead, stubborn, hard-headed, etc.) is the right vehicle to express that opinion.

As you know, name-calling isn't always a bad thing. It can be done benevolently as well. I have female friends who I call "rockheads"; and I do this affectionately-and they know this. I call them that in reference to their m.o. when it comes to men; and also when they show how closed-minded they are. They know how I mean it; and they appreciate our relationship.

Oh yeah; let me be the first to say: Being a Rockhead is irrespective of gender!
I hope that makes some of you feel better.

SweettgaBrown,

Pandora's Box wasn't all that bad



[This message has been edited by The Original Ape (edited March 27, 2001).]

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by Discogoddess:

Okaaaaay, you are crackin' me up with the paternalistic lingo today!

Gee, do I get a pass when I call a brotha a triflin' m.f., as long as it's done with affection? Or can I patronizingly pat you on the head while calling you a "rockhead" (that's not the word I'm thinking of), as long as it's done benevolently?

I'm sure your statement would make a lot of white folk who call us out of our name, out of affection, feel much better...

OA, bruh, we're gonna have to agree to disagree on this one, cuz I don't think you can call women names under the guise of trying to get a woman's perspective on your opinion, and expect not be to called on it, however much you meant those names with affection.

Consider it done.


[This message has been edited by The Original Ape (edited March 27, 2001).]

[AKA_Monet]

Head that makes it Hard as a Rock.... Hmmmmm.... Do I like that??? Is there such a thing as "ROCK" "HEAD"???

Anyhow, the question is really: Is a demanding, high maintenance, highly motivate, highly educated, and never duplicated Lady of Afrikan descent--a Goddess amongst the Universe--not worthy of truly endearing love from her men that may be Gods?? I put some spiritual flava into this head that rocks stuff...

I cain't hep myself... These puns just pop into my mind and I go with it---HEY, that's another one!!! Innuendoes are useful sometimes

[This message has been edited by AKA_Monet (edited March 28, 2001).]