Cheating Husband???

[PsychTau]

The BAD thing no one's mentioned yet is that if he gets into child porn or something else illegal, it's WENDI that will get hung with it. It's on her computer at her address....no way to prove it wasn't her family doing it.

I personally would be pissed enough to snoop and get some evidence on him. But I don't know that I would use it unless necessary. (If they got a divorce, I would use the evidence to nail him in court if he was actually cheating...but then the friend might get upset because you didn't tell her) DEFINITELY change the garage code, locks, everything...Have all the bad stuff cleaned off the computer, install password protection, keep the password in you wallet (NEVER near the computer) and change it often. (I can't stand the thought of anyone just having free access to my house whenver they feel like it. UGH!!!!)

If you're feeling especially mean, you can spy enough to see if he's going into any porn chat rooms and "soliciting", tell the cops the delimma and see if they want to go into the same chat room and nail him. They would have to come to your house and arrest him while he's there during the day, though.....otherwise he would deny everything and point the finger at you. (Yes....PsychTau can be VERY devious when necessary!!! )

[aephi alum]

Tough situation!

I second the suggestion of password-protecting your computer. This includes using password protection with your screen saver, in case you forget to log out. Do this on both your laptop and your desktop.

You can also enable parental controls, either directly on your machine or through your ISP. Parental controls should block at least some of the porn sites, and you can explicitly deny access to anything it doesn't catch.

Then, I'd talk to your friend, and show her your browser's history files as proof.

I wouldn't confront him directly - but be prepared that he may confront you when he finds his access has been cut off.

Take care.

(btw, I like ariesrising's idea too )

[ZTAngel]

I wouldn't tell his wife about it. Although she's a friend, the last thing you need is to be involved with something like that. They'll pull you into the middle of it and they could turn it around onto you and make you the scapegoat for all their problems. I went through something similar with a friend. I caught her boyfriend a few times at a party hooking up with other girls. He also confided in me several time that he didn't love my friend. I told her and, of course, he denied it. They turned it around on to me and claimed that I was making it up because I didn't want to see them happy. People will do weird things when they don't want to leave someone they thought they trusted.

The best thing to do would be to password protect your computer. Next, restrict porn sites from being accessed from your computer. Also, you're going to want to clear out the crap porn websites puts onto your computer. Porn sites are infamous for putting spyware onto your computer which tracks all your surfing patterns. Delete your cookies and then download AdAware. AdAware will get rid of all the spyware.

[James]

Good advice here.

I don't understand one thing though. Are you saying he just walks in your house during the middle of the day with no one there to use your computer?

Or someone (your cousin) is there and lets him in to use it?

If the second is true its not that bad.

Side note: I agree with ksigrc, he shouldn't be "banned" from the computer by his wife. Also, he is kind of pathetic to allow his wife to ban him.

Maybe if alpgagam-alum cuts him off he can go find where his wife hid his balls and start using his own computer system. BTW he can splurge for a cable modem.

Originally posted by ZTAngel
I wouldn't tell his wife about it. Although she's a friend, the last thing you need is to be involved with something like that. They'll pull you into the middle of it and they could turn it around onto you and make you the scapegoat for all their problems. I went through something similar with a friend. I caught her boyfriend a few times at a party hooking up with other girls. He also confided in me several time that he didn't love my friend. I told her and, of course, he denied it. They turned it around on to me and claimed that I was making it up because I didn't want to see them happy. People will do weird things when they don't want to leave someone they thought they trusted.

The best thing to do would be to password protect your computer. Next, restrict porn sites from being accessed from your computer. Also, you're going to want to clear out the crap porn websites puts onto your computer. Porn sites are infamous for putting spyware onto your computer which tracks all your surfing patterns. Delete your cookies and then download AdAware. AdAware will get rid of all the spyware.

[ThetaPrincess24]

Originally posted by ktsnake
Absolutely.

What a selfish jerk this guy's being. Help her put a case together for her soon to be pending divorce. Put this punk out on the street.

I absolutely agree!!!!!!!!!!

[decadence]

I'd have a little word with him too. Damn cheek of the man! Thinking about it though changing the passwords etc though will let him know you *know* what he's been doing, perving away. Or, maybe you could check the history of visited sites etc, print out the list of recently visited sites and put it up near the computer. Next time he visits to use it he'll find out you know exactly what's been going on! Also second the Adaware suggestion, might perhaps like to use SpyBot, more powerful and better at removing diallers, keyloggers and other crap he's probably allowed access to your pc.

[ThetaPrincess24]

Originally posted by ariesrising
Next time everyone's over for a BBQ, just say (loudly, in front of grandma). "So-and-so I really wish you would stop using our computer to look at porn, the pop ups are really messing up our computer."

Then sit back and enjoy the rest of your evening=)

HAHAHAHAH!

[swissmiss04]

Well here's my take. There's some obvious trust and honesty issues in this relationship that will most likely not change. Even if he does allegedly shape up, she'll never look at him the same way again. All the suggestions like change the garage code or password protect are definitely good, but it doesn't really get to the root of the problem. However, that's not really Wendi's job, but I know that if I were being cheated on/lied to, I'd wanna know even if it really hurt. Maybe not everyone is like that, but brutal honesty smells a lot better than bullsh*t. In the meantime however, you might want to take some precautions to prevent this *sswipe from using your computer. Cause you will be the one feeling the heat if there's any really dirty stuff going on there. Make it apparent to this guy that you know what he's up to. It won't totally fix the problem but it will remedy things from your end. Good luck.

[krazy]

Why don't you change the code on the garage door... Or, get a real mean dog and leave him inside one day. Or, get a silent alarm system installed, and have the cops bust him. This guy sounds like a freak-o. Get him out of the house... I would warn your cousin to watch out for this guy...

2 words.


Wet

Willie.

that'll learn him.

Kitso
KS 361

[winnieb]

Thank you everyone for your advice.
Here is what I have done, and my sort of plan of action.

I installed a "chat recorded" on the desktop and a keylogger as well. I figured that way I can at least see the frequency in which he is coming over and what he is doing.
I am going to act like nothing is different, at least until I see his history and logs. At that point I will change the garage door code, and pass word protect the computers.

And yes, James, he is coming into my house while no one is here. My cousin is not letting him in, she comes in and finds him here.

I am debating if I should tell my friend, if I do find anything out. I do believe I will be put in the middle and get the blame. She has made the choice to stay with him before, and I believe that she would not leave if she knew he was cheating again.

The only thing I am really debating, and I am sure I will take crap for this. I have not mentioned anything to my husband. He is very laid back, and under normal conditions couldn't care less if our friends were in the house while we were gone. So i don't want to tell him, have him blow it off, or tell either one of them. Don't get me wrong I will say something to my husband, just not yet.

And I have to say, the more I think about this the more the idea that he is in my house w/o my knowledge creeps me out. If I knew he was here it would not bother me. But little things are popping up in my mind. Things I have said while on the phone, when I am home alone after work, that have later been repeated to me, by him. A month ago, my brother came in town--he and I went to lunch with a friend of mine. NO ONE knew that my friend went with us, we picked her up at work--the next day I was asked how my brother and the other friend got along. I was baffled, but now I am wondering--was he here when my brother and I returned home? The computer room is in the bedroom downstairs--you could easily hid in there and no one would see you. To leave, you could go out the sliding door in the family room, if I was upstairs I would never hear the door or see anything.

I do know that my friends husband would never hurt me or anything like that. I really think he is here looking at porn, or chatting with another woman. But I am now thinking maybe he has been in the hosue when I am home, and I have no clue!!!yikes!!!

Thanks everyone!!!!
wendi

[TigerLilly]

Damn, that is seriously creepy! Besides whatever he's doing on your computer, the simple fact that he's sneaking into your house without permission is dead creepy. Isn't that breaking and entering? HOW does he get in? Change your locks, entrance codes, lock your windows, whatever, make sure he doesn't get in!
Not to creep you out, but when you say you know he wouldn't hurt you -- I bet you wouldn't have thought he'd go sneaking into your house without permission, either!!! Lurking around in your house is some seriously shady business. I would call the cops on him!!!

[winnieb]

Originally posted by TigerLilly

Not to creep you out, but when you say you know he wouldn't hurt you -- I bet you wouldn't have thought he'd go sneaking into your house without permission, either!!! Lurking around in your house is some seriously shady business. I would call the cops on him!!!

You are right, I never would have thought he would come into my house without my permission. This is my best friend (since 8th grade and her husband)--we are neighbors, they had my garage door keypad code for emergencies and such. You are right, most trusted people would use the information for only such cases-- never in a million years would I think he would just come into my house.

-wendi

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by alphagam-alum
You are right, most trusted people would use the information for only such cases-- never in a million years would I think he would just come into my house.

So, not only did he violate his wife's trust by being untrue, he violated your family's trust--and safety--as a result of the original violation. Since he's done all that, there's no telling where he'd stop. Maybe it's best to tell your husband--he may agree with you more than you think.

[AGDee]

See, this is creeping me out the more I read about it. After getting some logs and figuring out a time of day that this might be happening, I might come home in the middle of the day to catch him. Or, get one of those video cameras hidden in a teddy bear or something and aim it at the computer. I have very creepy things going through my head like.. how big a perv is this guy? If he knows things that have happened when only you are there, that could be very sick. Is anything of yours (thinking intimate apparel wise) missing?

Dee