Wedding Dress Question

[jess_pom]

I asked her last night why I couldn't go along, and she didn't really give me an answer.

We are pretty close, and I was not upset she didn't ask me to be her moh. But we've gone dress shopping before, and I was really hurt that the day she went to finalize her choice, I wasn't allowed to go. I think it had more to do with my mother not wanting me to go, she feels the need to be in ultimate control and doesn't like opinions that differ from hers.

As for comments I would make, lets just say that I would rather have me there than my mother. She would (loudly) point out any physical flaws without thinking of the effects, you know?

Oh well, it's over and done with. But I'm still really hurt.

If there's one thing I'm learning in planning my wedding right now, it's this:

In every single step of wedding planning, you're going to hurt someone's feelings.

Pick a date? It doesn't work for Future MIL's sister.
Choose a hall? It's too far away for Dad's cousin.
Picking food? Someone's allergic
Going dress shopping? Someone's hurt they didn't get invited.

The moral of my story here is, I understand that you're hurt. I don't have any sisters, but if I didn't get invited to go with them, I probably would be hurt too. But please try to understand that your sister is in an impossible place. She's trying to please everyone and she simply can't. I'm very, very, very sure that she didn't mean to hurt your feelings or make you feel excluded. She's probably just so overwhelmed that she doesn't know what to do next.

Tell her that you're sad you didn't get invited, but that you hope that she'll let you help her do xyz (address invitations, drive her to a fitting, whatever). She'll probably appreciate the offer and be glad to know that you're there for her.

*hugs*

[FeeFee]

Originally posted by jess_pom
Ok, here's the deal. My younger sister is getting married in May, and the other day, she and my mom and her maid of honor went dress shopping. Well, they wouldn't let me go along and I was super hurt and upset (and make it very clear,haha). Anyway, my question is: how would you feel in this situation? I always thought this was something sisters did together. Am I wrong?

I understand how hurt you must feel. There are possible reasons why your mom and moh were the only ones allowed to go dress shopping with her. Your mom was there b/c hey, she's Mom and she probably dreamt of this from the time your sister was born. A good possible reason for the MOH being there is b/c one of her duties will entail helping your sister get dressed and helping her keep her look together throughout the whole wedding and reception. Maybe your sister is a nervous wreck and doesn't want a whole fuss. I like Ginger's advice - maybe you can ask your sister if you can help her with her plans. If she's going to be the typical ready-to-pull-her-hair-out-by-the-wedding-day bride-to-be, she'll be more than willing to draft you.

[AOX81]

I don't have any blood sisters but my step-sister who got married 4 years ago chose her sister-in-law to be her matron of honor over her own blood sister and myself. Do I care? Not really. She didn't invite me to go dress shopping. Do I care? Not really? When I got married she was in my wedding but I didn't ask my other step-sister to be in the wedding party. When I picked out my wedding dress I took my mom...that's it. I didn't want anyone else there. Picking out a wedding dress was not fun for me at all and I hated pretty much every moment of it. I'm glad that no one else went with us because it would have made the trip to the bridal shop much longer...

...shoulda just went to Vegas like we wanted to!!

[phisigduchesscv]

Originally posted by jess_pom
I asked her last night why I couldn't go along, and she didn't really give me an answer.

We are pretty close, and I was not upset she didn't ask me to be her moh. But we've gone dress shopping before, and I was really hurt that the day she went to finalize her choice, I wasn't allowed to go. I think it had more to do with my mother not wanting me to go, she feels the need to be in ultimate control and doesn't like opinions that differ from hers.

As for comments I would make, lets just say that I would rather have me there than my mother. She would (loudly) point out any physical flaws without thinking of the effects, you know?

Oh well, it's over and done with. But I'm still really hurt.

Hey Jess,

It might have been your mother that really didn't want you along. Don't take that the wrong way but you pointed out she wants to be in ultimate control. Way too many mothers seem to forget this is the daughters wedding and not hers and will make try to make the choices and decisions for her. Your sister may not have wanted to deal with your mom or you getting in to arguments and decided to pick your mom to go with you rather then you because you would understand why she had to do it.

I'm not married yet but I've been in enough weddings. Ladies let me warn you, the quickest way to run a friendship is to agree to be in a wedding. Everyone seems to forget this is the brides wedding and it is all about her. I have seen maids of honor and bridesmaids pitch hissy fits because they didn't like something. Guess what, live with it, if it's going to make the bride happy what concern of it is yours. You can do what you want when you plan your wedding.

Jess, just be there for your sister, especially as it gets closer to the big day. She's probably going to have your mom, her future mother in law, the maid of honor, close friends, etc trying to push her into doing things that she may not have wanted. Just remind everyone that is your sisters day and she can do what she wants. Your sister will be forever thankful to you for it.

LITP,
Carolyn