Weigh In: Legalizing Gay Marriage

[Sistermadly]

Let gay people marry.

They should have the right to suffer just like the rest of us.

[Sistermadly]

This piece appeared in the Vancouver Sun a few days ago, and was written by a heterosexual couple whose wedding is coming up. I thought it was well reasoned, and well written, but then I'm someone who's conflicted over using the word "husband" to describe my partner.

---

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

We're getting married on Oct. 5. Over the past several months, we've been examining the origins and meanings of the most basic structures of weddings, and of marriage itself.

A great many aspects of marriage -- as both an act and a state -- are rooted in patriarchal systems and have mostly to do with the transfer of property (which is exactly what a marriage was, as recently as 1928, when a woman was not yet a person under Canadian law, and was on her wedding day a chattel being transferred from the possession of her father, or nearest male relative, to the possession of her husband). Obviously, this is no longer the spirit in which couples enter into a marriage in Canada, but this history, and the processes of marriage that we have inherited from it, cast long shadows.

Still, we believe in marriage, but we've been working hard to figure out exactly what it means to us.

As we've been sorting through all this, trying to see where we fit in, same-sex marriage is being legalized. Across North America, the question is being asked: "Does gay marriage diminish marriage in general?" Our answer is "no."

In fact, the legalization of gay marriage has given us hope. As we approach our own wedding day, and delve deeper and deeper into the meaning of marriage, we are realizing that our own marriage is strengthened, made more significant, valuable and profound, by the fact that "marriage" in Canada now refers to the bond that exists between any two people who are fortunate enough to be lovingly nurtured by each other, and to the commitment they choose to make to sustain that bond spiritually and legally throughout their lifetimes.

And now we know where we fit in. This is what marriage really is to us: two people who choose to live out the rest of their lives sharing life's sorrows and joys, burdens and gifts.

There's nothing else to hang it on; no practical end or purpose, like propagating the species, or merging households, or continuing a family name. It is a pure, rather naked commitment agreed upon between two human spirits. It has simply to do with love. How courageous, how bold! How fundamentally respectful. And how right.

The legalization of gay marriage allows us to embark upon a marriage that is completely free of those long shadows. It has brought a joyful and unexpected clarity to what we are undertaking. We are proud of Canada, and grateful to be living in this intelligent nation in such an extraordinary time.

Katey Wright and Peter Jorgensen

Vancouver

[OUlioness01]

Originally posted by aephi alum
I believe that there should be a legal status equivalent to marriage for same-sex couples. I'm not sure it should be called "marriage" as it is for opposite-sex couples, but there needs to be something - so that same-sex couples can get onto each other's health plans, visit each other in the hospital, pay the marriage tax penalty etc. And dissolving that relationship should be a similar process to divorce for opposite-sex couples.

thank you. i agree with you completely, having lived in a home where my father lives happily with his boyfriend since I was 14, and have a sister who came to us only knowing two mothers (god bless invitrofertilization, she is an amazing woman). it's not fair to deny two men or two women who love each other same same rights and privileges we are entailed to as heterosexuals. why can't that extend to marriage? i see marriages break up every day. i have only seen one truly committed homosexual union ever break up.

[valkyrie]

Thanks for posting that, Sistermadly. I think that sugarandspice said it well also about how any reason to deny same sex couples the right to marry is somehow based in religion. I strongly believe that there is absolutely no good reason for a country NOT to allow same sex marriage.

Those of you who think that marriage should only be a man and a woman, my one question to you is: why?

[erniegurl00]

I just don't understand why we don't legalize same sex marriage. In my eyes a marriage is a union between two people who are in love and want to be committed to each other. Who are we to deny gays and lesbians this right that heterosexuals have? I guess I'm personally involved. I have friends and an uncle who are gay. I see how this issue effects them.

I dunno. I just feel by denying rights like this we're saying "Heterosexuals are better than homosexuals." This is definitely not the case!

[DeltAlum]

Originally posted by erniegurl00
I just don't understand why we don't legalize same sex marriage.

Because of the religious aspect. What other reason is there?

[Lady Pi Phi]

Originally posted by DeltAlum
Because of the religious aspect. What other reason is there?

Well that's stupid. My parents got married in a church, but their not religious, does that mean their marriage is any less valid??

My uncle has been married three times. Is last marriage was performed at City hall buy a justice of the peace, is is marriage any less valid.

I'm sorry, but marriage is a crock. Far too many people gett married because they don't know what else to do,a dn 50% of those end in divorce.

So who cares, just let everyone get married. I mean they let 14 year old boys marry 41 year old women. Where's the sense in that?

[rainbowbrightCS]

Originally posted by sugar and spice
I think marriage should be legalized for gays and lesbians. I can't think of any reasons, besides religious ones, that would make it "wrong" for gays and lesbians to get married -- and I don't think the government should be using religious justification for its laws.

I see it as being in love, not matter what race or gender you are. And if God made love how can it be bad?

Chris

[SigmaChiCard]

It seems to me absurd to deny the right of marriage to anyone. It's socially stabilizing. I cannot recall from where I read the article, perhaps Impact Press, but nevertheless good points have been made about this stability. It gives young gay people something to look forward in their lives. Whether you want to believe it or not the simple knowledge that you are legally capable of growing up, meeting someone that you love, and making a vow to be with one another is very comforting. You may not desire to that, but you can. That's huge. When you date people, and I know you do, you consider whether or not it is short term or long term and your relationship is based on it. Long term being lifelong. Of course anyone can stay together forever, but the act of marriage is the bond worth working for.

Besides, someone above mentioned...do not we supposedly live in a country that seperates church & state? I know that Bush cringes at the notion, but that is where we're supposed to be at. I cannot imagine a reason outside of religious belief that could find rightful basis to deny homosexuals marriage. Don't let them do it in your church.....if that's your position....but allow them to do it, and acknowledge it lawfully. Seperate Church & State!

[DeltAlum]

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi
Well that's stupid.

Eloquent!

Actually, I was at two weddings the past two weekends. One was very formal and very Catholic, and the other was in a wedding chapel in Vegas -- very quick and very generic.

Both couples are just as married.

That's part of why I'm conflicted about this. I'm not an Evangelical Christian, but I am an Elder in the mainline Presbyterian Church (PCUSA). But I simply can't take as "gospel" (oh, what a terrible play on words) using quotes from the Bible to condem or prove things beyond a reasonable doubt. There must be some room for conscious thought and deliberation.

If we take the Bible as the literal truth, we would have to stone to death anyone we caught committing audltry. And all of you who are having pre-marital sex are probably going straight to Hell.

I hope God has more trust in us than that.

The context of then and now has changed radically.

[bcdphie]

I can now say I live in a place where same sex marriage is legal - British Columbia - and the same goes too for our Ontario GCers. There has been no great up upheaval to society in Vancouver, BC or Canada since this provincial legislation was passed. If two people truly love each other, whether it be a man and a woman, two men, or two women - they should be allowed to marry.

Besides in Canada, once you get married you end up paying more tax than before - and you know how much the Canadian government loves collecting taxes (this last part is just a bit of humour and is in no way meant to offend anyone. If Canada does decide to legalize same sex marriage, it is because something like that is inherently Canadian - there is a reason for the Charter of Rights and Freedoms.)

[kappaloo]

Originally posted by DeltAlum
Because of the religious aspect. What other reason is there?

Some religions agree with same-sex marriage.

So, you probably mean 'because of the Christian' aspect... correct me if I'm wrong.

If so, why do we allow non-religious marriages at all?

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by DeltAlum
If we take the Bible as the literal truth, we would have to stone to death anyone we caught committing adultery. And all of you who are having pre-marital sex are probably going straight to Hell.

This is why I'm so surprised at the number of GC folks who are so anti-this. If one are to believe the Bible on a literal level, premarital heterosexual sex is the same as homosexual sex in the sense of the gravity of sin. Are there hypocrites in the house? How can one be okay with heterosexual premarital sex, yet consider gay sex a sin?

Sistermadly, I'm also in the same position. I'm not a big fan of the term "husband," but "partner" sounds so clinical, like we're working at a law firm together

Edited to make it easier for the masses to digest.

[DZHBrown]

This is why I'm so surprised at the number of GC folks who are so anti-this. If you are to believe the Bible, premarital heterosexual sex is the same as homosexual sex in the sense of the gravity of sin. Are there hypocrites in the house?

You're assuming every single GCer has participated in pre-marital sex. I'm sure there are plenty who haven't.

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by DZHBrown
You're assuming every single GCer has participated in pre-marital sex. I'm sure there are plenty who haven't.

Did I say that? No... I know there are people who are abstaining.

Please don't tell me what I'm assuming.

My point still stands.