Disheartening Situation

[PM_Mama00]

Originally posted by Cream
Show up at the store and kick her ass.

Just kidding, lol!

Actually, I agree with 33girl that you should kill her with kindness. Go to your friend's store, meet her, start to talk to her. Be really sweet. "I hear from my friend that you're an AXiD. I'm an AXiD, too from Blank College. It's always great to meet sisters from different chapters." Tell her what great things you have heard about her chapter. Invite her to lunch or some other get together. If she is receptive, that's great. If not, you made an effort. Don't be confrontational.

BTW we had a great AXiD chapter at my college.

That happened kind of to us too. Except we took it as a total compliment. One of my lil sis's transferred and the girls at that chapter were trying to get her to go active. I think the cutting point was when the girls were talking about how my chapter are a bunch of "princesses"... and it was meant to be in a snotty way.

Hell... we LIKE being called princesses! Lol... we just laughed about it and were super nice to them.

[CutiePie2000]

I won't be popular for saying this, but I probably wouldn't do anything. I don't condone what she (allegedly) did, but you are going on 2nd hand information that this guy told you and you weren't there in person to hear what she said nor the context in which it lay.

You might wish to meet her and do the nice approach of "I'm so and so, and it's always so nice to meet a sister from another chapter", but that's about all.

I guess when you get to be in your 30s, you don't let stuff like this wind you up as much anymore...."water off a duck's back", as it were.....

[dakareng]

To echo CutiePie, you didn't hear this first hand. Speaking as a former regional officer, if I'd gotten this kind of report, my response would be that it is hearsay. I might, in my next general correspondance to chapters emphasize the need to be supportive of other chapters in the province using the issue of recruitment as the basis for my comments. That is, if I heard a member of XYZ bashing another chapter of XYZ, I'd question their sincerity. You never know who will overhear you!

Bottom line, you need to meet the girl in person, proudly wearing your badge, saying that you would love to share ideas, see her house, have her visit yours. It is likely that she really doesn't know anything about you or your chapter first hand and is simply repeating something someone else said. Before you bring in advisors, you need to make sure that is really what she thinks and why.

I can totally relate to being thought of as the "embarrasment chapter". As an alum, I now know that they did not think of us negatively, but I still remember going to State Day and feeling like the country cousins being the only chapter who did not know how to sing the Pi Phi Grace (we were not housed, if we ate together, it was in public). We were trying to compare ourselves to Ohio State with their gorgeous house, or Miami with their 180 members.... that's comparing apples to oranges. While being part of the same GLO, it's a different campus with different needs. Every chapter has their strengths and challenges. If your international really thought that you were struggling, trust me, you would know and it would be no one's business but yours!

[Dolphingirl14]

I agree with what 33 girl said. You should see her out and be nice to her and then once that's established find out what her deal is. As a fellow Alpha Xi, that's messed up of her to bad mouth your chapter but there could be underlying issues that you don't know about. Each chapter is Different so if she doesn't realize that then she needs to seek some help. If all fails, remind her about TFJ and see if she is willing to live up to Alpha Xi Delta standards in applying our creed. If she's really a nut job I suggest going to her President or the advisor. There is no need for her to be bad mouthing your chapter.

Xi love,
Rukiya

[justamom]

Thought about this and decided to revisit. Good point about it being "hearsay" and not actually witnessed!!! That slipped my mind-probably because nowadays, it's easy to believe people do that kind of thing. Yet, unless you see it first hand...

There is a similar situation around here. The LSU chapter of ABC is strong, but the local chapter is pretty questionable in areas most people feel are important. (morals, GPA, activities, personality...) Crazy, but some girls, NOT TOO MANY, said they wouldn't join ABC at LSU because they wouldn't want to call THOSE girls sisters. It happens in a certain fraternity that exists on both campuses as well. At Homecoming it was soooooo obvious. You would see these LSUers sporting their respective letters turn their noses at the members of their own GLO from the smaller campus. Could it be that the girl you refer to has a more competitive rush (in HER opinion) and feels that makes her chapter more selective?

The way I look at it is-unless there is something DRAMATICALLY wrong, ALL chapters are recruitment tools for the organization as a WHOLE. If you have one person going around saying things like you have HEARD, she is doing harm to her GLO, not just your chapter.

[IheartAphi]

I had a friend send me an email where an ECU Alpha Phi totally bashed my chapter to my friend after he mentioned he knew an A Phi at NCSU, even though she admitted she had never met anyone in our chapter. I just think people sound like such "elitest wanna be's" when they do that.

I had her AIM name for a while and was intending to im her and mention I had been forwarded the email and that I was sorry she felt that way and kill her with kindness.

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by CutiePie2000
I won't be popular for saying this, but I probably wouldn't do anything...I guess when you get to be in your 30s, you don't let stuff like this wind you up as much anymore...."water off a duck's back", as it were.....

I feel the same way, and I'm just in my early 20s. It hurts, to be sure, to hear someone speaking poorly of your chapter, but it's been my experience that it's best to stay out of the drama. My alma mater was pretty cool towards Greek life--not anti-Greek, but not exactly the most welcoming campus. Fairly often, the online forums and newspaper opinion columns were terribly biting towards Greek groups, especially NPC sororities. I chalked it up to their ignorance and let it roll off my back.

Originally posted by justamomWhat if they said that to me when my daughter was rushing...I might have been influenced and tell her..."Blow off XYZ and QRS because their own alum say they are crummy."

We can't let others' negativity influence what we do or tell other people. What if I had listened to all those women who told me not to go to the college I did ('cause they were all liberal and I'd join a cult) or not to join the chapter I did because they were "all whores"? We have to keep open minds and make the best decisions for ourselves. This wasn't intended as a personal jab, simply an illustration of the depths that subscribing to others' negative energy can sink us into.

[ZTAMich]

Originally posted by Cream
Show up at the store and kick her ass.

Just kidding, lol!

spoken like a true New Yorker! LOL