Sisterfriend Radar

[Jazadah]

I have experienced the shady IG's being that I am a sincere IG but my problem comes when trying to getting known...I know you are suppose to attend the events, which I have been doing and I know appearance is important, but I am a recreation/choreography major so most of my classes involve physical activity so I don't dress to impress often because of my course requirements... I want them to know that I am interested but I am not the forward type so approaching someone is out of the question (and I would never do that because I know discretion is the key) and I am very quiet so how can I make my presence known dicreetly...How can I come across as a classy distinguished lady although I am always in sweats and tennis shoes with my hair in a ponytail?

~Jazadah~

[1savvydiva]

Originally posted by Jazadah
I have experienced the shady IG's being that I am a sincere IG but my problem comes when trying to getting known...I know you are suppose to attend the events, which I have been doing and I know appearance is important, but I am a recreation/choreography major so most of my classes involve physical activity so I don't dress to impress often because of my course requirements... I want them to know that I am interested but I am not the forward type so approaching someone is out of the question (and I would never do that because I know discretion is the key) and I am very quiet so how can I make my presence known dicreetly...How can I come across as a classy distinguished lady although I am always in sweats and tennis shoes with my hair in a ponytail?

~Jazadah~

Not speaking as a member, just speaking as a college student. I think that as long as you dress appropriate for the occasion (and that's all relative), and handle yourself like a lady, you shouldn't have a problem. Of course I know females that dress up ALL the time across campus, that's a matter of preference. But dare I show up at some sort of interest-related function with some gym attire, I deserve to be blackballed, LOL!

[MsFoxyLoxy77]

Originally posted by 1focused1
Hello ladies, I am usually a silent observer. I just wanted to comment on this. I think I understand your question. I know of girls who are not interested in organizations who go to rushes, teas, informationals, just events all together, to see who is there so that they can find out who is interested in what organization. Like someone said earlier, it's hard for the young ladies who are trying to be discreet, but who are trying to show their interest in an organization by supporting their events. So, when someone sees you at an event or many events given by the same organization, and they have diarrhea at the mouth telling people they saw you there, it's hard to maintain a certain level of discretion.

Thank you 1focused1, you hit the nail on the head.

Originally posted by nachural
well from reading past posts by members, I feel that your aquaintance, who seems to be all up in it, shouldnt be your aquaintance as an interest. Since she isnt an ig and you are, members might associate you with her and think you are not interested as well.

Just dont let her non interest rub off on you. Make the members well aware you are not like her. I think member friend endroad said her sorors are always watching you so watch your company.

and stay nachural

Nachural thank you for the insightful response. The afore mentioned acquaintance is not an acquaintance of mine by choice but rather by association in the same organization. We are in the same major society so I politely respond to her greetings at chapter meetings. Otherwise I have never changed my distant behavior towards her because we were never friends.

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
One would not have made that comment if she, herself what not interested at one time... She herself is rebuking the system that has developed for individuals to join sororities... The question is, how should one show interest in a sorority given what the members themselves are unable to do?

Many of my sands in other chapters that entered under similar circumstances as I in an undergraduate chapter, were told: "Birds of a feather flock together..." It is a matter of what is important to you. If you desire a goal, will you let someone stop you? Who is going to be in control of your achievement? And why would you care if someone says anything? Are you not going to do what you ultimately what to do in the long run?

Maybe I have gotten too old to relate to this stuff, so I'll stop here...

I truly took your response to heart. I think you do yourself a great injustice by saying that maybe you have gotten too old to relate to this post. This wisdom in your post refutes that statement. I think you have uncovered the source of the acquaintance's behavior. Now that you mention it, I can believe that she probably did have interest in a sorority. To answer your questions: No one will stop me from reaching for my goals. I am and have always been in control of my own achievement. Of course I must give my gratitude to my mother and father for showing me the way. The only reason why I would care if someone says anything would be if and only if the members on my campus related individuals' "knowledge" of what sorority I and other sisterfriends have decided to pursue with us actually telling these nosy individuals. Yes, I am going to do what I ultimately feel is right in the long run.

Again thank you for your post AKA_Monet you and everyone else who responded gave me quite a few things to consider.

[MDE]

Originally posted by Jazadah
How can I come across as a classy distinguished lady although I am always in sweats and tennis shoes with my hair in a ponytail?

~Jazadah~

It is so important to be yourself. But don't go too far with it. From what I've seen & heard, the ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha are very classy and sophisticated. Not to say that you can't look "pulled together" in sweats, but every now and then you might want to take the extra effort to look more casual.

But always be yourself.....people can spot fakeness MILES AWAY.

[Sugar_N_Spice]

Originally posted by 1focused1
Hello ladies, I am usually a silent observer. I just wanted to comment on this. I think I understand your question. I know of girls who are not interested in organizations who go to rushes, teas, informationals, just events all together, to see who is there so that they can find out who is interested in what organization. Like someone said earlier, it's hard for the young ladies who are trying to be discreet, but who are trying to show their interest in an organization by supporting their events. So, when someone sees you at an event or many events given by the same organization, and they have diarrhea at the mouth telling people they saw you there, it's hard to maintain a certain level of discretion.

I can totally realte to this. Even though I am not actively pursuing membership in a BGLO (a sista's just trying to graduate), I have experienced what MsFoxyLoxy77 is speaking of. I have attended events that are open to the public, and found that often times people that are not interested will attend just to see who is there. If you go to a school where everyone basically knows or knows of each other, then your business is out in the street no matter what you do. People will say stuff that makes you look bad, even if it's not the truthm in front of members just b/c they know of your interest. That's always something you have to worry about. Also, it is not only what IG's you associate or befriend that you have to watch, but what friends and people in general you associate yourself with. Unfortunately, that can hurt you also, even if the beef has nothing to do with you...I have heard of instances where a person's chances were hurt just because they were friends or even casual associates with someone else. You really have to use discretion and think about what you are doing and saying before you do it (even on the internet...b/c six degrees of seperation is real!)...B/c once your chances are hurt, you may not be able to redeem yourself...I think that as long as you make attempts to be as discrete as possible and do not go around telling people about your interest, then people can assume all they want that you are an interest of ABC but they have no concrete evidence, so it should be ok...I would just take the advice of what everyone has said to heart and be yourself and respectful and don't worry about the haters b/c they are everywhere!!!

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
One would not have made that comment if she, herself what not interested at one time... She herself is rebuking the system that has developed for individuals to join sororities... The question is, how should one show interest in a sorority given what the members themselves are unable to do?

I agree with this. This gets to the bottom of the issue regarding why they care in the first place. Why talk trash about IG's of ABC org if you are not an interest yourself? This shows that you were probably interested at one time but they were rejected or have absolutely no chance in obtaining membership...which is sad for them b/c they have nothing better to do than be all up in your business... I have experienced this too, and the best thing to do in that situation is just keep your mouth shut and don't peep a word (if you defend them too much, your interest is known, if you don't and agree then you are obviously a fool)...and then distance yourself from that person(s)...

[Choo-ChooAKA]

FIRST: I would say that you can't just "drop" friends because they have had negative experiences with groups/organizations. Because of these experiences, they will always be against organizations that have the power to accept/reject people. However, those people that truly dislike organizations based on the fact that they are somewhat elitist, but truly like YOU based upon your own personal characteristics, may berate fraternities/sororities all they want, but will support YOU both during and after your quest because you are a friend. Who knows? If you make it you may be able to shed a more accurate light on their perceptions.

SECOND: Jazadah (and other Sisterfriends), do not contort yourself for a Sorority or any other group of people. If you feel as if you have to somehow change your stripes in order to be acceptable to certain people/members of an organization, then maybe you're either pursuing the wrong organization or you need to take some lessons in self-esteem. If you are a choreography/PE major, then you cannot concievably run around in high heels all day. If there is an event given by the Sorority in the middle of the quad at high noon, then I doubt the dress expectations will far exceed athletic gear.

In the words (slightly changed) of JFK: think not what your choice of Sorority can offer you; but what you can offer to your choice of Sorority!!! You are EXPECTED to dress appropriately, that is a given. How do you go above and beyond appearance expectations? Sororities are diverse. Think about what you can offer the Sorority that comes naturally to you. Everyone has his/her own gifts that she brings to the organization: spirtuality, dance, physical prowess, musical accomplishment, academic strength, glamour, sophistication, focus, class, the ability to get along with people and strengthen relationships, etc., etc. Without diversity among its members, the Sorority would undoubtedly fail miserably. You are who you are and, if you appreciate yourself and what you can offer, so will others. Have you ever thought about offering to help with a program by doing something you already do well?

To All Sisterfriends: While looking appropriate is expected, offering a talent goes above and beyond the call of duty and will help you to get to know members in a way that allows you to shine. Look at our targets and reflect on what you can bring to the chapter to help to fulfill them. Remember that each chapter has a mandate to fulfill each target. What talents/skills are you prepared to offer as a Soror that you can put to use right now in order to help the chapter as a Sisterfriend? Some chapters, especially those at predominately white universities, are very small and probably would not rebuff your assistance with certain public events and community service activities if offered IN THE RIGHT MANNER. Previously very small chapters are now even smaller due to the intake freeze and would probably be happy to have you around. PE Majors: can you conduct an aerobics workshop? Music/education majors: can you accompany Sorors to elementary schools and help teach small children songs? English/math/science majors: can you help in after school tutoring sessions both at the university and local elementary schools? Women's studies/African-American Studies majors: can you conduct a workshop/make-up a game that will help people to better learn our history in America? Social butterflies: do you know almost everyone on campus so that you would be a great person to advertise events? Don't be pushy, just let them know where your strengths and talents lie and that you're interested in offering them to the chapter.

My advice: Show your interest by being USEFUL, not just cute. You will shine at your own strength, you will get to know the chapter better, and, THEY WILL GET TO KNOW YOU!

DISCLAIMER: I was initiated at a university that had a very small chapter and low African-American enrollment. We used every resource (live and inanimate) we had in order to put on successful events that weren't too costly. In a chapter of 4-6 members, we had to recruit PE people to do aerobics events, recruit Women's Studies people to put on rape awareness workshops, and we accepted the help of a a dance major on campus to help out our own Soror dance major when choreographing our step shows (she later became a Soror, BTW). This is not the case on all campuses, though! So, before you offer anything, scope out the Sorors on campus and see whether you think they would be willing to have you assist.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by Jazadah
I have experienced the shady IG's being that I am a sincere IG but my problem comes when trying to getting known...I know you are suppose to attend the events, which I have been doing and I know appearance is important, but I am a recreation/choreography major so most of my classes involve physical activity so I don't dress to impress often because of my course requirements... I want them to know that I am interested but I am not the forward type so approaching someone is out of the question (and I would never do that because I know discretion is the key) and I am very quiet so how can I make my presence known dicreetly...How can I come across as a classy distinguished lady although I am always in sweats and tennis shoes with my hair in a ponytail?

~Jazadah~

Personally, I am a sweats laid back kind of person and I am orginally from SoCal, so that's the waaay folks dressed... However, I attended Spelman back in the day and folks were just not having the full on kick back chillin' gear--even if you were about to be workin' out... You HAD to look "cute"... That was a Spelman thing to do...

If I were you, with your "abilities" and your pursuits one way to distinguish yourself discreetly is to ask if there was anything you could do to help... Even if it was to carry materials into the location... My Sorors would probably say no, but it doesn't hurt to ask... Especially during community service participations and walks if that what the chapter does...

You are smart enough to know the kinds of events that you should keep yourself "presentable"... If you are rather confused, that is when you find fellow serious IG's and ask them what are their perspectives on the event... Some girls just show up to look at the fellow fraternity members that show up, too...

There is little inappropriate dress when is comes to community service... Even Jesus Christ knelt down to wash his disciples feet... Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. takes the commitment to service to all mankind very seriousssly... So when it comes to a matter of the best presentation of oneself, your best bet is to be the best you can be... Your true nature will always shine through...

[Jazadah]

I have read each of the replies to my posts thoroughly and several times (which is why it has taken me so long to reply myself) and I will keep them in mind as I carry on my day to day life on campus...I will also keep in mind that no matter where I am or what I am doing, someone is always watching me. Thank each of you again (AKA_Monet, ChooChooAKA, 1savvydiva, and MDE specifically) for your responses and anyone else with ny advice, please feel free to share it. Thanks again!!!!

[nachural]

Well I think that as long as the members of the sorority of your interest know what YOUR deal is, it shouldnt matter what rumors say. Rumors will always be there because haters are there. So if you let your interest known to them in the 'right' way and present yourself respectfully the rumors shouldnt hurt you too much. But dont go to them and say "um in case you heard 'xyz' about me it's not true'.

Look at it this way... I assume current members who were sisterfriends before went to probates of other BGLOs. It's only natural as an interest to want to attend greek functions no matter the organization. Just as long as you weren't perpin', and you weren't attending an interest meeting of another organization.

hope I helped
nachural