boyfriend and greek life - Page 2

RockChalk · #16 05-09-2003, 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lilkel244
He is so threatened by the time i spend with my sisters.

This statement throws up a big red flag for me. A person who truly loves you will allow you to have friends and interests outside of him, even if your interests aren't necessarily his "thing." For example, my fiance would never join a fraternity, but I've explained to him why I want to be in a sorority and he respects that.

A good boyfriend/husband/friend will understand that it's OK for the two of you to do things separately now and then.

Peaches-n-Cream · #17 05-09-2003, 11:35 PM

Reassure him that you are still the same woman that he fell in love with. If he can't accept that, you might need to reconsider the relationship.

GPhiBLtColonel · #18 05-10-2003, 12:40 AM

....that being in a sorority did NOT change Georgia O'Keeffe!! I assume he has heard of that very famous artist

She was a Kappa Delta!

Munchkin03 · #19 05-10-2003, 12:35 PM

Everyone's giving you excellent advice.

Like you, I'm the artsy type, with a few radical politics thrown in. I shocked the hell out of a lot of people by Rushing, to the extent that I hid it from a friend for over a semester just 'cause I didn't need her to say that I bought my friends. Whatever. If people are going to be unsupportive, you probably didn't need them in your life anyway...

But, frankly, if he can't handle it and is calling you a sorositute

, it might be time to re-evaulate some things. I understand that Mr. Munchkin isn't a big fan of Greek Life (he thinks it is elitist, and that I could make just as good friends in another activity). The important thing, however, is that he supports MY decision to make it a big part of MY life; he has even befriended some of my sisters. He understands that I am a social person and that I thrive in the environment. After I realized that he understood that, our relationship continued to blossom.

Best of luck with everything!

James · #20 05-10-2003, 04:34 PM

Be realistic. It is paying for friends and experiences. Other people just want to say that ina derogatory way, I think its more neutral.

Plus, Baron's used to say that the Greek Experience was the best buy in college for several reasons.

Quote:

Originally posted by LXAAlum
Someone on GC has the best tagline for that "paying for friends" crap:

If I had to pay for my friends, I didn't pay near enough!

So, this boyfriend (I'd emphasis the BOY portion based on what the originator of the thread has described it) goes to school here in Colorado...any chance it's Fort Loser (Lewis)? If so, that explains a lot of his perceptions....

AXJules · #21 05-10-2003, 05:17 PM

Hate to say it, but I agree with James.
You ARE buying a social life. It is usually meant in a derogative way, though, but I don't think there's anything wrong with saying its the truth.

Are you buying access to parties, group activities, bonding activities, and a "clubhouse" if you will, to hang out at? Yes, yes you are. As far as I know most sororities and fraternities aren't free.

However, I disagree with the common statement saying that you buy friends. You can spend as much money as you want, there is no guarantee that you'll make any friendships. People deactivate because of it all the time. You can buy the ACCESS to hang out with these people, but you can't buy their friendship.

James · #22 05-10-2003, 05:27 PM

Very true AxJules.

"ACCESS" may be the key word. You buy access to people and activities you wouldn't normally have easy exposure.

And:

Opportunity to make more friends.

DeltAlum · #23 05-10-2003, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Be realistic. It is paying for friends and experiences. Other people just want to say that ina derogatory way, I think its more neutral.

IF joining a fraternity or sorority is the only way you can make friends, I might be tempted to agree.

But most of us would make them whether we pledged or not -- just like everone else. So, in some ways, saying that is more of an insult to you than to the fact that you joined a sorority, or the sorority system itself -- implying that you CAN'T make friends without your GLO.

I think there are a lot more, and better, reasons to belong, so I have to disagree in this case.

James · #24 05-10-2003, 06:06 PM

But a GLO is essentially a social group than in some places has housing. I think the idea is that you are paying for more access to social events and therefore people than the average person would have without membership.

If there wasn't a "more" component, I don't think anyone would join. I just think we are sensitized to the words "buying our friends".

Quote:

Originally posted by DeltAlum
IF joining a fraternity or sorority is the only way you can make friends, I might be tempted to agree.

But most of us would make them whether we pledged or not -- just like everone else. So, in some ways, saying that is more of an insult to you than to the fact that you joined a sorority, or the sorority system itself -- implying that you CAN'T make friends without your GLO.

I think there are a lot more, and better, reasons to belong, so I have to disagree in this case.

DeltAlum · #25 05-10-2003, 10:14 PM

I suspect there are at least some of us who never intended to rush at all, but were invited by someone who was already a friend, and found we liked the rest of the people there.

At least that's the way it was in my case.

I was shocked to be invited, and even more surprized that I decided to accept a bid.

Just seemed like a good group to hang out with. I already had lots of friends in the R-TV Department.

And, they were free. Just kidding.

GPhiBLtColonel · #26 05-11-2003, 05:27 PM

...Going to college is paying for friends and access etc etc etc...
buying a house or renting an apt in a certain area of town is paying for friends and access etc etc etc...what don't you have to pay for or "buy" to get access to these days, huh? NOTHING in life is free so to say something snide and derisive like joining a sorority or fraternity is "buying" friends (or access or whatever)...well I think that is just a crock...

of course that is just my two cents

but I won't charge you!

AXJules · #27 05-11-2003, 05:35 PM

I'd have to disagree.
When you buy an apt. you buy a roof over your head and four walls. No social calendar or a group which you are identified (unless apt. buildings are making tshirts now, I dunno....)

You pay a certain amount of $$$ a month to your chapter so that you can participate in social activities. (Obviously you get more out of it but a big chunk of our bill comes from the money we spend on community service/parties/t shirts/housing fees.)

That can be spun negatively or positively, but its the truth. Paying for a living space is much different than paying for a social club.

James · #28 05-11-2003, 06:12 PM

I believe that GPhiBLtColonel is agreeing with you AXjules . . .

Quote:

Originally posted by AXJules
I'd have to disagree.
When you buy an apt. you buy a roof over your head and four walls. No social calendar or a group which you are identified (unless apt. buildings are making tshirts now, I dunno....)

You pay a certain amount of $$$ a month to your chapter so that you can participate in social activities. (Obviously you get more out of it but a big chunk of our bill comes from the money we spend on community service/parties/t shirts/housing fees.)

That can be spun negatively or positively, but its the truth. Paying for a living space is much different than paying for a social club.

GPhiBLtColonel · #29 05-11-2003, 06:21 PM

Quote:

When you buy an apt. you buy a roof over your head and four walls. No social calendar or a group which you are identified (unless apt. buildings are making tshirts now, I dunno....)

You choose where to rent a place or buy a house in a neighborhood based not only on where it is physically located but also on where your kids will go to school and who your neighbors will be and who your kids will play with etc etc etc...so you actually ARE buying FRIENDS, whatever you want to call them, when you buy a house or rent an apt -- my personal bottom line is that I just think its really dumb for anyone to say that joining a sorority/fraternity is buying friends -- you can say that about almost anything in life!

XOMichelle · #30 05-11-2003, 08:25 PM

lilkel244 -
Don't let someone else compromise you and your decisions. It is good to have someone question, prod, and even make you explain your important decisions, but when they are made in the end, the close people in your life should love and support you.
Make it clear that DZ is a part of your life and you won't tolerate him bashing you because of it. A few serious words should do the trick.
-M