Letters while partying - Double standard for guys/girls?

[ZetaLuvBunny]

HotDamnImAPhiMu,
That's hillarious! Good for you for telling her that. The fact that she later taught your lesson to another new member shows that she has grown into a worthy Phi Mu Lady.

Speaking of which- MANY times at parties I have seen girls who are members of other sororities (who shall remain nameless) wearing their letters (lavaliers, shirts, etc) while smoking and/or drinking and/or being obnoxious. It's bad enough to make a fool of yourself without letters on (b/c some people "see" your letters when they see you), but to actually be wearing letters while participating in "unladylike" behavior is just... ugh!

All of my sisters here make it a priority to not be wearing ANYTHING with ZTA on it when going to fraternity parties, whether they plan on drinking or not. Obviously some of the other sororities here don't care about their growing bad reputations.

I once was even polite enough to mention to a small group of members of another sorority that they still had their lavaliers on, so they wouldn't get in trouble. Whaddya know? They just rolled their eyes at me! Well they certainly don't deserve their letters or anyone else's.

Oh yeah, and at least in my chapter, if we see a sister acting out-of-line, we descretely tell her, "Your crown is on crooked". I think that's a cute, yet effective phrase since the 5pt crown is one of our symbols.

[HotDamnImAPhiMu]

That's ADORABLE!!!!! I love it, I wish we had something (like the crown) we could refer to. "Your quatrafoil is crooked" just doesn't sound the same.

[kdonline]

Actually, a lot of sororities have "code words" and they differ from chapter to chapter.

I've found that a few KD chapters use KD-oriented phrases to tell someone to wise up. "You're not acting very 'Minnie-Mae'" or "She was 'Minnie-Mae'd'" last night (after one of our most prestigious members/former officer). Other chapters use part of our open motto "You're not acting very 'ta kala'" tonight.

[UofIL AXO]

The double standard spills over into guys wearing OUR letters at the bars. I really don't have an undying urge to wear my letters out, but the rules should really apply to everyone or no one.

Speaking of guys wearing letters, there's always that one guy who I feel doesn't own anything but his own letter shirts, every day is a new XYZ shirt. Then there's also the "freshman orientation shirt guy" who just won't throw that out!

And on another note, a good friend of mine refuses to put her letters as a sticker on her car because she's a bad driver and she doesn't want anyone to associate that with her organization. Good thinking!

[James]

I think the thrust of kdonline's original post was more along the lines of:

1. Do boys know that girls have rules about behavior in letters and out.

2. And if so, why do boys put pressure on girls to engage in behaviors that could get them in trouble in or out of letters.

Please correct me if I am wrong .

I think we know intellectually that you ladies have rules about drinking in letters, but that is kind of up to you. We also know intellectually that you have rules about behaviors that we may not agree with.

Meaning they might not be in our best self-interest

But when it comes to the party, we just want you to come. We don't care if you wear letters or not. And we want you to be as much fun and available as possible. We want you to drink too much. We want you to do wild things. Its fun. And we figure if you don't want to do something . . you won't.

So we beg, plead, ply you with drinks, and cajole. But ultimately what you do is going to be up to you.

I am sorry I don't have an answer you probably want to hear, but I don't think that we as boys are going to act like your parents, we want to be your friends and lovers.

We just want to have fun together. And in the context of a party a lot of things that seem wierd in print, are . . . well . . . fun.


I hope I answered your question honestly enough.

[James]

Also, if this happened at a party, it would be a much remembered event!

Originally posted by kdonline



But, what I mean is the situations - like the sucking on dildos or the pole-dancing. IMO, these are over the limits of good taste. Why do fraternity members push the sorority girls into doing these things?

[FuzzieAlum]

Then there's also the "freshman orientation shirt guy" who just won't throw that out!

LOL! I went for a walk the other day with a good friend of mine from college, and he was wearing his frosh orientation shirt. Did I mention he's 27 years old?

I think most fraternities don't have rules about drinking/going to bars in letters, and they regard our rules about it as "stupid," "hypocritical," and "prissy" - exactly the same things they say about our formal rush. To their minds, yeah, a great many of us drink, and people know it, so it's a lame attempt at good PR while everyone knows "the truth."

And they do have a point - I mean, I generally only went to fraternity parties at the houses I knew well, or otherwise with a big group of sisters. They weren't likely to forget I was an AXD any more than I would forget that they were Phi Kaps or Theta Chis or whatever.

That's not to say I agree with the guys. I think it's a rule that attempts to balance "Sigma-like behavior," being responsible and of high character and representing your GLO well, with the partying college culture that is prevalent almost everywhere. Somehow, I doubt anyone's (inter)national HQ can prevent underage drinking altogether; this is a way of making us consider the public consequences for our private fun.

[James]

You could raise the age to join to 21. Or you could set the age to attend at any function where alcohol is present to 21 also.

Originally posted by FuzzieAlum



That's not to say I agree with the guys. I think it's a rule that attempts to balance "Sigma-like behavior," being responsible and of high character and representing your GLO well, with the partying college culture that is prevalent almost everywhere. Somehow, I doubt anyone's (inter)national HQ can prevent underage drinking altogether; this is a way of making us consider the public consequences for our private fun.

[KillarneyRose]

Originally posted by sororitygirl2
Freshman year when we used to "dorm drink," my roommate and I thought it was hilarious to drink in our billboard letters in our room where no one would see us... we took tons of pictures of our "rebellion."

Aaaaahhh, memories! My freshman year roommates and I used to do the same thing, but we'd put on each others letters and pose for pictures. We thought we were the most wicked little vixens!

[Alison-Marie]

I would never drink in my letters, not just because of the PR image (although, my chapter is conscious of that) but because I have a great respect for my letters, and I wouldn't feel right drinking with them on.

I don't see a problem with having rules against drinking in letters. We even have rules against other people drinking in our letters, although guys occasionally break them (when the shirt has both a fraternity's and our sorority's letters on it). It's one of my pet peeves, actually - watching guys drink in our homecoming shirt. I usually say something.

As for guys making girls do "inappropriate" things - the vast majority of the time, you can't blame a guy for that. Sure, a truly nice guy wouldn't ply some girl with drinks and then try to get her to strip on a pool table or make out with some other girl or any of those crazy stories you hear, but... girls need to take responsibility for their actions, even if they're drunk.

Furthermore, I've actually never seen any of my sisters do these sorts of things, but, if I did, I would step in. Just like many of my sisters would for me. In fact, I and any one of my sisters would get taken home for a lot less scandalous behavior than what you described.

-Alison

[arrowgirl]

I very much agree with Alison that girls have to take responsibilty for themselves when they drink. I will admit, I have done some pretty stupid things drunk, but it was in essence my fault for drinking that much in the first place. I never blame anyone else for what I do drunk.

[AngelPhiSig]

I know it is in our national policies that we cant drink in letters for Phi Sig...

In TBS we are allowed as long as we are of age and not being an idiot.

[James]

Well as long as the dildo wasn't used it isn't much dfferent than sucking on a a bananna or lollipop in a suggestive fashion.

Originally posted by Tibi
But, what I mean is the situations - like the sucking on dildos....

If I ever saw ANY girl doing that at a party I was at, no matter who she was, Greek or not,I'd promptly take my happy self over to her and attempt to get her to stop! That's just NASTY!

* The quote at the top is from the original poster of the thread, for some reason GC won't let me quote it.

[crystalline]

Originally posted by James
Well as long as the dildo wasn't used it isn't much dfferent than sucking on a a bananna or lollipop in a suggestive fashion.

Lollipop's are tastier. Although I've never sucked on a dildo, so who knows?

[Lynzi]

Sorority girls often get stereotyped....like we all act like those "sorority girls gone wild" tapes. I think the rules exist not only out of respect for our letters, but also because the general (non greek) public sees us at bars, and seeing a drunk girl who's acting like an idiot with letters on just adds weight to the "sorority girls are _______(sluts/partiers/drunks)" image.
We don't wear our letters in a bar even if we're not drinking, and never to parties where there's alcohol.
The double standard exists everywhere - not just in the greek system. A guy can be drunk all the time and sleep with every girl he can get, and still be fine; even if he gets a rep as a player, other guys will still look up to him. A girl only has to get publicly drunk and do something stupid once, and can get a reputation or have one ruined. The problem isn't with the greek system, it's with society as whole. It just gets even more scrutiny within the greeks because a large group is easier to attack. Think about it: what makes better gossip: "there was this girl in a black skirt at the bar last night. She was such a ho." or "there was an XYZ at the bar last night...they are such hos."
That's just how I see it....