Should we still spank our kids?

[korkscru]

Originally posted by thesweetestone
I hate to see people spanking their children in public. I think you should raise your kids at home, so when they come out in public they will know how to act. It makes me so sad to those little kids getting beat in the middle of the store. Of course I am not yet a mother, so I don't have any experience in raising children. But, I don't think will hit my children when I do have some.

Sweetestone, I understand what you're saying about discipline beginning in the home. BUT...there's ONE thing that parents (and others) need to know and constantly remember. YOUR CHILDREN, at SOME point in time or another, ARE GOING TO TRY YOU. Although it's not our ONLY or MAIN form of discipline, my husband and I are FIRM believers in spankings. And we apply them, accordingly, to both of our children. If you were a parent, then you'd DEFINITELY know what I'm talking about. I've found that the majority of the time (and I'm not speaking about you because I don't know you), it's the people who DON'T have children who try to tell parents how to be parents. I'm telling you, there's NO job harder than being a parent...ESPECIALLY in these days and times. Believe me, if my children would have been born with instruction manuals, then I would STILL be using them. But parenting doesn't work that way. You can be a GODMOTHER, GODFATHER, UNCLE, AUNT, etc. But there's NO experience like raising YOUR OWN children.

I work with kids who have their parents, aunts, grandparents, etc. literally SCARED of them. These kids curse their parents out, are disrespectful, defiant, verbally and physically hostile. And their parents or caretakers are not able to manage their behavior. These kids don't mind telling their parents/caretakers off in front of a crowd of people. It's just sad. But this is how I see it (and I've told my 8-year-old daughter this). I WORK in that mess. But I absolutely REFUSE to come home to it. No, neither of my children ASKED to be here. But they're here and my husband and I are responsible for them UNTIL they atleast turn 18 years old. UNTIL THEN, what WE say, goes. We love them. Would DIE for them. Work hard for them. Give them EVERYTHING that they NEED and MOST of what they WANT. And we wouldn't tell them anything wrong or do anything to hurt them. Hey, I'm willing to bet you, that once you DO have children, your decision about spankings will change once your FIRST child turns...let's say about a YEAR old.

My husband and I are just DETERMINED that OUR children are going to BE and DO better than we have (and my husband and I are from S.C. and raised the OLD SCHOOL way)...even if we have to knock them out to do it!!!

[exquizit]

Originally posted by korkscru


Sweetestone, I understand what you're saying about discipline beginning in the home. BUT...there's ONE thing that parents (and others) need to know and constantly remember. YOUR CHILDREN, at SOME point in time or another, ARE GOING TO TRY YOU. . I'm telling you, there's NO job harder than being a parent...ESPECIALLY in these days and times. Believe me, if my children would have been born with instruction manuals, then I would STILL be using them. But parenting doesn't work that way. You can be a GODMOTHER, GODFATHER, UNCLE, AUNT, etc. But there's NO experience like raising YOUR OWN children.

I WORK in that mess. But I absolutely REFUSE to come home to it. No, neither of my children ASKED to be here. But they're here and my husband and I are responsible for them UNTIL they atleast turn 18 years old. UNTIL THEN, what WE say, goes. We love them. Would DIE for them. Work hard for them. Give them EVERYTHING that they NEED and MOST of what they WANT. And we wouldn't tell them anything wrong or do anything to hurt them. Hey, I'm willing to bet you, that once you DO have children, your decision about spankings will change once your FIRST child turns...let's say about a YEAR old.

My husband and I are just DETERMINED that OUR children are going to BE and DO better than we have (and my husband and I are from S.C. and raised the OLD SCHOOL way)...even if we have to knock them out to do it!!!

Amen!!! I know I spank the Brat when it's called for. She pulled a little stunt in the store ONCE and has never tried it again. For the most part she gives me no problems but now she's at the age where she's trying to see if she can get away with a slight attitude. In short, I'M NOT HAVING IT!! If you don't have your kids under control at an early age they will have you climbing walls and ducking blows.

Well said Korkscru!

[Lizanabavi]

Originally posted by exquizit
If you don't have your kids under control at an early age they will have you climbing walls and ducking blows.

Whateverrrrrrr! Some of those same kids parents come to the school with that nonsense.

Look here "Trina" everybody ain't gonna run from you, we are both
GROWN WOMEN. If you want to "BillyBadAss" we can take this outside, and I'll buy a couple of those wolf tickets you selling.

[FeeFee]

I am the parent of a 5 year old girl, and yes, when she gets out of hand - trust Mother on this one, I put her in check!!! She is not a bad child, but she is a child nonetheless and will try to see how much stuff she can get away with. That's just the nature of children - they want to test their boundaries. It's up to the parents to set those boundaries when necessary. I can't believe when I see these talk shows about parents who are afraid of their children!! If I even smelled like I wanted to talk back to my mother, I got checked. Bottom line is I would rather discipline my daughter now, that way when she grows up, I won't have to worry about her doing something like knocking someone over their head and having to deal with law enforcement. Like someone said earlier, where my child acts up is where she gets checked.

[exquizit]

Originally posted by Lizanabavi



Whateverrrrrrr! Some of those same kids parents come to the school with that nonsense.

Look here "Trina" everybody ain't gonna run from you, we are both
GROWN WOMEN. If you want to "BillyBadAss" we can take this outside, and I'll buy a couple of those wolf tickets you selling.

[Lizanabavi]

Originally posted by exquizit

Let me clarify, I was agreeing with what you were saying. I have had parents to exhibit that same behavior. It is sad that children act that way, but even worse when adults do it. That certainly was no diss, I apologize, if you felt that way.

[GroovePhi62]

I had to infiltrate this site ladies to say from the male perspective... My son age 8 is pledging until he's 18 and am out of my wallet, be it mental or physical, and he's got more than enough people onhis ass...He's got myself, his mother, his stepfather, his grandmothers (3), his grandfather, my homies, my brothers in Groove and lastly his teacher..whom has the right to put a foot up his ass if he acts up! We need to get back to the Old school methods of discipline..I don't even hit my son but I have instilled a large amount of respect within him which in turns around and humbles him and keeps him in check. I also do not yell at him like he's some kind of idiot because he's not, future Groovers do not get treated like animals, he's a man in training and he's learning early the responsibilities of being a man first and foremost. No direspect to sisters but alot of youa'll baby these kids and in this day and age you cannot baby them like that...I was always taught to earn my own way and if wanted the respect of a man -I'd better act like one! I beg to the sisters on this thread whomever may read this the young boys that you are rearing (or rear in the future). If no positive male role models are in their lives get them involed in Boy Scouts, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, etc. and get them to enjoy reading books..as hard as it may be get them out of that BET/ MTV syndrome so that they can learn to be productive Black Men and not just the status quo.

But to close yes I believe in spanking and I live by the old addage by Bill Cosby " I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out!"
Peace sistas!

[nikki1920]

That's a whole 'nother issue (re: babying boys), but I agree with you. If you teach children to respect themselves and others, they will not act out as much. Kids learn by what they see, if they see momma and nem actin a fool, then that is how they are going to act. By the time they get to school, and someone tries to check them, they get all ignant, loud and ghetto b/c that is all they know. Sad, but true.

And I also believe in "I'm the parent, YOU are the child" and "I brought you in this world, and I can take you OUT!!" ha ha

[korkscru]

I'm just trippin' off of the replies. This is a great topic. It's good to read other people's points of view on topics such as this.

Anyway, I wanted to add that I've noticed that my clients show me ALL of the respect that I'm due because I put all of the cards on the table when I make my FIRST visit. In addition to that, I do EXACTLY what I say that I'm going to do with them. For example, if they feel that they don't want to comply, I let them be non-compliant. BUT...when we get in front of the JUDGE (because most of them are on probation), I give the judge the "real" deal. I hold them...yes, even the younger ones...accountable for their own behavior. KIDS NEED DISCIPLINE AND STRUCTURE!!!! It's funny and they won't say it, but they actually feel neglected, misunderstood, and unattended to whenever they DON'T have those two components in their lives. In my opinion, there's just NO excuse for a parent not being able to manage an 8, 10, 12 year-old's behavior. I just don't understand HOW in the WORLD an 8 or 9 year-old NOT go to school or stay out until "wee" hours of the night? Will SOMEONE help me with that? I'm telling you, THIS is what I deal with on a daily basis. Not in my OWN home, but in dealing with my clients and their families. MY daughter is about to turn 9 years old. And if she or my son, who is 3 years old, EVER....EVER...EVER told me that they weren't going to go to school or some MESS like that, I'm telling you, the Department of Social Services would PROBABLY be called because I would tear their rumps to shreds. I don't EXPECT my daughter to understand WHY we do or require that she do certain things. And, in all honesty, I don't feel OBLIGATED to explain EVERYTHING either. My children mean EVERYTHING to me and I TELL them and SHOW them EVERY DAY. I just CAN NOT see my having to go through all of the ups and downs of being a parent and then my kids turn around and give me their a**es to kiss. IT JUST AIN'T HAPPENING IN MY HOUSE!!!!

[Reds6]

I agree in spanking children, but I do try other ways to discipline my 5 year old some first. Children will try you, it a way for them to obtain their independence. Although I'm not having the falling out in the store, some parents go to far in spanking their children in public, which makes all spanking look bad. We have all heard the ghetto azz parent in the store cursing their child out and not spanking but boxing their children. I agree that discipline starts at home, but spanking is not the only way to discipline your child. I found that my son responds better to me taking things away from him, like game boy, no computer or no tv, instead of spanking. one time I asked him do you want a spanking , he said yeah. Of course I gave him a spanking to remember, but I realized that the spanking thing may not be working.
Also kids have a bigger fear for their fathers than mothers. All I have to do is tell my son I'm calling my ex-husband and he balls.

First, let me say I do not have any kids, but I DO believe in spankings. Why? Because my mama wore my butt out when I was little, and that kept me in check.

Even though I don't have kids, I have three nephews and two nieces, and I am very active in their lives. Before I started babysitting, I let my brothers and sister-in-laws know, if you want me to babysit, I need your permission to whop their azzes when they get out of line. Of course, they were okay with that, because we all believe in spankings. Spankings are good, as long as you don't cross the line.

[Lizanabavi]

Originally posted by korkscru
KIDS NEED DISCIPLINE AND STRUCTURE!!!! It's funny and they won't say it, but they actually feel neglected, misunderstood, and unattended to whenever they DON'T have those two components in their lives.

I agree because I see it everyday in my class. Some of those same kids get away that foolishness at home, so they feel that they can go to school, church, or a restaurant and cut up!

No I won't let "Lil Man" just walk in my class late, or "Shankrel" to sell candy in my class -there is an order. NO! you as a parent can not come to a conference and act beligerent when I won't let your child participate in "Fun Friday" because they did'nt behave all througout the week.

I've had parents try to "shine" because their child did'nt go on a field trip. Because they(the parents) "could'nt afford it". Yet their child comes to school everyday "trunked down" in FUBU, Sean John, and Polo. There is something wrong with that.

Okay, why did my previous post print twice????

Oh well, I guess it's not a big deal.

[vanda]

I agree in spanking WHEN it is deemed necessary. I have a close friend who will hit her child for the smallest of wrongdoings. But when you spank, I feel you should explain to them why they are getting spanked and how you won't tolorate it. I have seen kids getting a spanking for soiling their pants during potty training. That does not help the matter at all.

To put a twist on the original topic: Would you allow others to discipline your child? I was surprised many said no, but if you want me to watch your child, he will be checked if need be.

[Lizanabavi]

Originally posted by vanda
Would you allow others to discipline your child?

That really would depend on who it is. If it were members of my immediate family, yes. If not not, no.