Could You Wait? - Page 2

Swamp Thang · #16 06-28-2002, 07:46 AM

"Each individual has there own things they want in their relationship. I personally want a monogomous sexual relationship. Therefore, I can't give her what she's looking for in a relationship (not totally) nor can she give me all that I want in the relationship. Since we don't put people in situations that will lead to them doing some things we don't want to do, the best thing (if it was myself and the lady who wants to stay non-sexual) would be to just remain friends and look elsewhere for the relationship person who wants 'the same thing out of the relationship that we do'.

ergo.. the non-celebate person (male/female) should seek out a person (male/female) practicing celebacy as well.

It would cause tension to try to force someone trying to be celebate to be sexual.. AND VICE-VERSA.. At that point, each individual can't totally satisfy the needs of the other...

TLAW · #17 06-28-2002, 08:52 AM

Well said Swamp. Find he or she who fits your needs.

Dexter · #18 06-28-2002, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Swamp Thang
[B]"Each individual has there own things they want in their relationship. Therefore, I can't give her what she's looking for in a relationship (not totally) nor can she give me all that I want in the relationship. Since we don't put people in situations that will lead to them doing some things we don't want to do, the best thing (if it was myself and the lady who wants to stay non-sexual) would be to just remain friends and look elsewhere for the relationship person who wants 'the same thing out of the relationship that we do'. It would cause tension to try to force someone trying to be celebate to be sexual.. AND VICE-VERSA.. At that point, each individual can't totally satisfy the needs of the other...

Delph998,

Swamp thing answered your question with the exact response I was going to give you. I would absolutley respect her decision and not want to be the person trying to force her to change her beliefs. Let's just be friends until we are at the point in our lives where we both want the same thing in a relationship. Basically we can be friends until I decide to Marry her or just continue to be friends.

delph998 · #19 06-28-2002, 06:37 PM

Dexter & Swamp Thing,

I appreciate your honesty on the matter!

Secretluv · #20 06-29-2002, 01:23 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dexter
I would like to say that I could wait, but let me be honest I GOT NEEDS!!! It's really easy to sit here and say that anyone would wait for there true love but it's not always the case. I could never look at a women that I desire and be in a relationship whereas she doesn't want to share herself with me. It would seem that most of you that are holding out are waiting for a commitment. It's more of a TRUST issue. If you are truly in love with someone and have dedicated your ENTIRE self to him, I cannot undertand you not wanting to share your most intimate and precious part of your love with him. (barring a medical situation) By doing that it seems that YOU are not fully commited to that relationship both emotionally and physically.
Just something to think about.

Everyone has needs... male and female! I agree that it boils down to a "trust" issue. But the question is who should and shouldn't be trusted?

I don't mean to generalize but the majority of men these days will say anything to get some. "Hit & Runs" didn't die out in the 90s...

If a woman doesn't trust that she can give herself to a man and that he will respect her worth... then she has the right to say "Not until I am sure where this is going." If the guy loves her... he will respect that.

From what I have observed... some women tend to think that by giving a man sex (when he deems it necessary) will keep him. They think "If I do this then he won't cheat because he is getting it all at home- no need to go else where." It saddens me when women fall prey to this mis-conception.

For a woman to stand her ground and say "Hey, I want to take this slow... if you love me... then you will wait for me" that takes a lot of strength.

Trust that when ya'll be kissing on our neck and stuff... we get hot, too

There are several ways to please your significant other without having sexual intercourse. And if a woman chooses not to engage in those activities- so be it.

As Swamp Thang stated... if two individuals want two different things (especially when the situation at hand is something as serious as sex) then maybe they should try to find someone who wants the same out of the relationship.

Sex complicants things- especially when deep emotions are invovled. When two people engage in a sexual relationship there is a lot at risk. As my mother said to me, " There are far worse things out there today to worry about than getting pregnant."

Don't lie to yourself or to the other person if you know that a relationship "without" intimacy isn't what you want.

Dexter · #21 06-29-2002, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Secretluv

I don't mean to generalize but the majority of men these days will say anything to get some. "Hit & Runs" didn't die out in the 90s... If a woman doesn't trust that she can give herself to a man and that he will respect her worth... then she has the right to say "Not until I am sure where this is going." If the guy loves her... he will respect that. For a woman to stand her ground and say "Hey, I want to take this slow... if you love me... then you will wait for me" that takes a lot of strength.

I agree with you. It does take alot of character and stregnth to stand firm on your beliefs. My question is how long should his sincerity be on trial? What 2 months, 6 months, a year, two years? How long should my sincerity be on trial? If I'e dedicated myself to you fully then you should know. As far as the hit and run....Some women shouldn't be so hot in the pants to give it up. C'mon women can tell what a guys character is like within the first week of dealing with him. If he walks like a dog and barks like a dog, then guess what? He is a dog.

neicy81 · #22 06-29-2002, 11:37 AM

I feel that if you love someone you would be willing to wait for them. I appreciate the brothas being honest, but you don't NEED sex.Trust me, your body will function quite properly without it.Don't let sex be an addiction or something you feel you just have to have.In 2002, it could lead to your demise.

fato · #23 06-29-2002, 01:24 PM

Is one of the oldest unanwered questions in the history of male/femlae relationships. There is no appropriate time or situation. My thoughts are to be open an honest and play by your own rules! What work for the last guy/girl may not work with the next. Some situations are just so right that you feel very comfortable from the start, and others take some time to develop!

Personally, I love it when a woman tells me that she is not going to sleep with me until x, y, and z happen; CHALLENGE!!! And I always win!

Dexter · #24 06-29-2002, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by neicy81
I feel that if you love someone you would be willing to wait for them. I appreciate the brothas being honest, but you don't NEED sex.Trust me, your body will function quite properly without it.Don't let sex be an addiction or something you feel you just have to have.In 2002, it could lead to your demise.

You are right, sex shouldn't be an addiction. But if you are in a relationship, it is something personal and intimate between the two of you. Ask yourself what exactly is sex. It's the act of becoming one with someone else. When do you think it is time to share your whole self with your significant other. Basically I think womenshould stand on whatever belifs they have as far as sex is concerned. But I'm just saying be honest about why you are or aren't doing it. Telling a man, " we should move slow" is just another way of saying," I don't fully trust you right now, but give me some to let you earn my trust.

Secretluv · #25 06-29-2002, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dexter

I agree with you. It does take alot of character and stregnth to stand firm on your beliefs. My question is how long should his sincerity be on trial? What 2 months, 6 months, a year, two years? How long should my sincerity be on trial? If I'e dedicated myself to you fully then you should know. As far as the hit and run....Some women shouldn't be so hot in the pants to give it up. C'mon women can tell what a guys character is like within the first week of dealing with him. If he walks like a dog and barks like a dog, then guess what? He is a dog.

Why do you refer to it as being on trial??? A test of faith, patience, or stamina through subjection to suffering or temptation is a trial.... Yes, you may be tempted to engage in sexual activities and you may even feel that you are suffering... however, if you are "truly sincere" and you understand and respect your lady's wishes then you will not feel like you are on trial! Women don't just hold back because we don't have anything else better to do and we aren't trying to make you miserable on purpose.

As Fato said... "How long should you wait is one of the oldest unanwered questions in the history of male/femlae relationships."

If we give it up too fast then we are "hot in the pants"... if we decide to wait a while then we are "putting ya'll on trial and making ya'll suffer"

And as Neciy81 said... you don't NEED sex!

It will not shrivel up and die if it isn't being used for a hot minute

And contrary to popular belief... it won't grow cobbwebs

Once again... if two individuals want two different things (especially when the situation at hand is something as serious as sex) then maybe they should try to find someone who wants the same out of the relationship.

Secretluv · #26 06-29-2002, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dexter

But I'm just saying be honest about why you are or aren't doing it. Telling a man, " we should move slow" is just another way of saying," I don't fully trust you right now, but give me some to let you earn my trust.

Now I will agree with you on this... Honesty is the best policy.

I am not the one to bite my tongue... if I have my doubts and I don't trust a man- I will tell him "I don't trust you- therefore you aren't getting any"

But just because a woman says "we should move slow" doesn't always mean that she doesn't trust a man. She may be inexperienced when it comes to relationships or she may have just removed herself from a relationship and needs time to get herself together.

Swamp Thang · #27 06-29-2002, 05:04 PM

"I feel that if you love someone you would be willing to wait for them"

That statement is as unfair as the vica-versa of the statement that Men have used for years (which is)

I feel that if you LOVE ME, you would be willing to HAVE SEX for them...

In both situations, it's unfair for your partner to have to sacrafice a major part of what they want in a relationship because of what you want.
-------------------------------

Personally... (ex) I want my 1st child to be my wife's 1st child as well... So, I don't date (with the exceptions of just outings) women who have a child(ren). And I do that so that I stay in line with what I desire. I also want to be in a : monogomous sexual relationship that may lead toward marriage. Therefore, it would make no sense to show a committment to someone who's looking for a platonic monogomous relationship. And it would definitely be wrong to try to 'pressure her' do something that she doesn't want to do.

IN THAT SAME LIGHT.. it's wrong to try to pressure someone to be monogomous if that's not the relationship THEY WANT (man or woman)...

Y'all should just find someone who's on the same road as you are. I know there are plenty of Black Single Women who're looking for a monogomous sexual relationship just like I am... So, that's a person whom I'll look for and be with.

The people (Men or Women) who're looking for a platonic relationship should do the same...

neicy81 · #28 06-29-2002, 07:14 PM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Swamp Thang
"I feel that if you love someone you would be willing to wait for them"

That statement is as unfair as the vica-versa of the statement that Men have used for years (which is)

I feel that if you LOVE ME, you would be willing to HAVE SEX for them...

That statement is selfish at best. If you do love her, you WILL wait. If not, then why did you pursue a relationship with her in the first place?You can't tell me that a person should stifle her beliefs to satisfy your horniness. That doens't make sense at all.What about religious beliefs?She should love God more than you?*shaking head at you*

neicy81 · #29 06-29-2002, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dexter

You are right, sex shouldn't be an addiction. But if you are in a relationship, it is something personal and intimate between the two of you. Ask yourself what exactly is sex. It's the act of becoming one with someone else. When do you think it is time to share your whole self with your significant other. Basically I think womenshould stand on whatever belifs they have as far as sex is concerned. But I'm just saying be honest about why you are or aren't doing it. Telling a man, " we should move slow" is just another way of saying," I don't fully trust you right now, but give me some to let you earn my trust.

[/B] You're right it's the act of becoming one with someone.But not just "someone", but someone you love and it's also the act of becoming one PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY.Ask yourself how much emphasis, you place on sex in a relationship.Here's a question for you.Think about someone you are attracted to sexually. Ask yourself would you engage in intercourse with her. Of course , the answer is going to be yes.Let's say she you lived in California and she lived in New York. Let's say she was stranded and she wanted you to pick her up.Would you drive to go get her?Your answer is no right?That's how much you value a sexual relationship over a person in general.

Swamp Thang · #30 06-29-2002, 08:41 PM

it's the same selfish statement you're making Neicy if you know the person YOU might be pursuing wants a sexual relationship and you're deny'n them that...

It's not a matter of selfishness... It's a matter of doing what you want to make you happy.

(2) Why can't she be pursuing me?

(3) I would pursue her until I find out that she wants a platonic relationship... at that point, I'd inform her of what I want out of a relationship and that I wish her well on her QUEst... but, I'm not the Man for her.. and that we could, of course, just be platonic friends and don't pursue any romance.

(4) My statements say.. find what you want.. Don't try to make someone else do something they don't want to do. So, instead of being in a unhappy situation and trying to 'TALK' somebody into being sexual/abstinent, just get with somebody who's on the same groove you're on.... it's that easy..