Your "Blackness" Questioned?????

[Eastcoast Sunshine]

I too have received this more times than I care to count. When speaking on the phone to people they "assume" I'm white so you can imagine the initial shock they must go through when they actually meet me

I have also received comments about where I grew up and went to school. Co-workers say things like "Oh, I didn't know black people lived there?"

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974
After a silent prayer (because I felt like beating that itch down with a bat! ) I explained to her that my "blackness" is not defined by the small limited scope of her mind. I suggested that once she ventures out into the world she will find that all black people do not fit into a steretyupical mold that she has been taught to believe.

I will have to use that because on most occasions, I just shake my head, or say whatever

Originally posted by tickledpink
"So, you're saying that all black people can't enunciate their words and that all black people eat like savages, like we have no home training?

My point exactly.....since when has enunciation or having manners become a "white thing" ?

Originally posted by Sugar_N_Spice
I've figured out that people are just HATERS!!!!!

Yes, and it's sad to say but I have to agree with this as well.

[CrimsonTide4]

We are having a similar discussion about Black Identity based on last night's episode of Girlfriends. This is what I shared with the list.

First the whole "acting Black versus acting White" issue is a divisive problem in our culture. For some acting Black is equivalent to KEEPING IT REAL, to me at times it means KEEPING IT REAL IGNANT. I think for some of our brothers and sisters, when we go on to achieve, that age old crab mentality kicks in and they have to throw some sort of insult at us to "keep us in check" hence the Acting Black/acting white comments that many of us may have been the target of. I remember the first time my former best friend and former stepfather told me I sounded white on the phone, I went off -- sounded BLACK then, I bet. Anyway I digress.

In today's culture/society, this hip hop culture dominates the way of thinking, living, and behaving. Too many of our Black brothers and sisters are trying to keep up with the Joneses and Big Willies and P Diddys. Not realizing or recognizing the inherent value in themselves.

I do believe that hip hop culture has made it "seem acceptable" for whites and other non Blacks to use the N word. I don't think so. My kids, white and Black, get it from me if I hear the N word. We must change their way of thinking. However it is hard when that is all they hear at home. Hell I heard it at home. It wasn't until I went away to college that I thought "WHOA!!" No more!! I still occassionally slip and use it but I realize that in using it I continue to give our oppressors power over how I treat my fellow Blacks.

[SoTrue1920]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4

Did y'all see Waldo from Family Matters as Peaches the hairdresser with DREADS!!

Peaches had me on...the...FLOOR.

And I really appreciated this particular episode because this is the first time (that I can recall) where a "black" sitcom dealt with the myriad ways we can represent "Blackness", and to show that we're not the only ones who can love and fully embrace our culture.

[hipshimmy]

Hello,
This topic makes my heart hang heavy. I have been hearing statements like all my life. Some of the reasons people said this was because:
1. I went to Catholic school
2. I liked to hang out at the library
3. I didn't use slang
4. I liked to listen to alternative rock every now and then
5. I am viewed as being "too happy" (I just don't have to complain about)
It is sad when people tell you that you don't act black and then stereotype themselves at the same time.

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by hipshimmy
5. I am viewed as being "too happy" (I just don't have to complain about)

"Too happy" made you seem white?

I think they've got the steretype backwards. I thought the steretype was that blacks were a happy, singing, smiling kind of people. I guess that happens when you have beaten too much with the stupid stick!

[strobelitehoney]

Originally posted by #1 Leading Lady
I politely tell them there is a time and place for everything. It is NOT called selling-out it is called PROFESSIONALISM (SP) and maybe they should try it.

I totally agree, PROFESSIONALISM, IS THE WORD.
And there is a time and place for everything. Because just by "being black" in the office, just might cost you your job. And what's wrong with flipping your hair back, if it's in your face, IT'S IN YOUR FACE. My comeback always is, define blackness or whatever the word is. For example, I had one guy tell me I was ghetto, (my personality OUTSIDE THE OFFICE, HAS NOTHING TO WITH MY PROFESSIONALISM INSIDE THE OFFICE) WHEN I told him to define it! he became studdering man then. Just like grown folks use to tell me when i was younger if they can't define it then you don't need to be saying it. That fixed him. A quick comeback with a STERN APPROACH, WILL shut them right on up.

Shoooooooooo I haven't been called ghetto in a minute, let me start talking loud so i can see If I still got the touch *LOL*

[prayerfull]

I have had my "blackness" questioned since I was quite young. My response has always been "kiss my yellow behind"!!!!

Even my husband does this to me and I don't really care, because I am quite confident of my identity. I'm quite confident with myself and really am very happy that I am able to relate and communicate with other races. My husband really started taking it to another level last year when I found my birth mother and found out that she is "white". He was like "oh, I always knew you really are a white girl". Like I said "kiss my behind". I have no need to explain myself.

My husband even likes to take it further and say that I not only "Act White", but he says I'm also "Bougie". Whatever! Keep testing my patience and we'll see just how "ghetto" I can get!

[MsOnyx]

Originally posted by Eastcoast Sunshine
I too have received this more times than I care to count. When speaking on the phone to people they "assume" I'm white so you can imagine the initial shock they must go through when they actually meet me

I have seen the shock on vendors' faces when they meet me. Many people do not realize how young I am or that I am black until they meet me.

I have been on both sides of this discussion. I will be more aware of how I respond to others whose choices are not what I consider to be "black".

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by Eastcoast Sunshine
I too have received this more times than I care to count. When speaking on the phone to people they "assume" I'm white so you can imagine the initial shock they must go through when they actually meet me

I can TOTALLY relate to this!! A few months ago when I was looking for another job, over the phone the interviewer would say nice things and go on about how much they loved my resume, yada, yada, yada.......

And then once they met me face-to-face, they would just look dumbfounded as if they were thinking "was that HER on the phone? How did she slip pass me?" *lol*

[techie_girl_44]

Every time I go to visit my father's side of the family I get bombarded with, "Oh you think you are better than us," or "You think you are a white girl." ?!?!! Do I not wake up every morning and see my brown skin? Let me know how I can "think" I'm a white girl. It always irks me that those remarks come from my family. They always have something to say about me yet when the time comes to reap the fruits of my being who I am (i.e. my GREAT job) they are always there asking for something (hook me up with a position, let me borrow a few (hundred ) dollars, cosign this car for me).

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974


I can TOTALLY relate to this!! A few months ago when I was looking for another job, over the phone the interviewer would say nice things and go on about how much they loved my resume, yada, yada, yada.......

And then once they met me face-to-face, they would just look dumbfounded as if they were thinking "was that HER on the phone? How did she slip pass me?" *lol*

How many times have I had that happen? I can't count the number on my fingers, thats for sure. I get a little trip out of how the interviewers behave during the interview. You can sometimes tell they are EXTREMELY uncomfortable in the situation.

[skeeliteful]

that had these sort of issues when I was growing up. I was always told I talked white because I spoke proper english and I ate like a white person because I used a knife AND fork! And because I chose to attend a predominantly white university (THAT'S A WHOLE 'NOTHER STORY). And the phone thing...E'rebody thinks I'm white over the phone. And me use slang? Someone asked me did I spend the weekend in the projects because I said "what's up" instead of "how are you doing?" Do people not realize that my dark chocolate skin is the first and last thing I see everyday? Don't hate on me just because I decided to take my potential and gifts to another level. Get to know me first......then I give you full permission to hate.



I saw the Girlfriends episode and I, too am glad that the show finally shed the light on this topic that has been circled around for so long. A white woman to tell me I'm not black enough? That was a trip

[Steeltrap]

Well, my sister (biological) had a similar experience as shown on "Girlfriends." A co-worker of hers whom she's fallen out with once told her: "There's nothing Black about your family."

WTF? My sister cracked back on her big time. And Ms. Afro Political Correctness Police deserved it -- ignorant binch.

BTW, my sister is in her early 50s and is a no-nonsense woman.

[Eastcoast Sunshine]

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974


I can TOTALLY relate to this!! A few months ago when I was looking for another job, over the phone the interviewer would say nice things and go on about how much they loved my resume, yada, yada, yada.......

I remember one time my boyfriend had spoken with someone over the phone in regards to an add in the paper. (He was very professional). However, the woman over the phone told him that the position was filled, so he stated that that was strange because the add had just appeared. She proceeded to tell him that he must be mistaken because there was nothing available.

So here I go......I call up and ask the same question he did less than 2 minutes later. She begins to ask me when was I available to meet with her and that she was willing to accomodate me/my schedule and gave me the "rundown" on the
job. Needless to say that I wasn't interested and I was certainly mad Maybe they didn't want a man for the job, I don't know.....but this has happened in various phone coverstations quite frequently.

So now, for certain things he makes me call.

The Isms of society

Ladies, I hope you dont mind me posting in your forum, but I would like to respond to this.
I have been questioned about my blackness since I was in elementary school. Its ranged from being a straight A student, speaking properly to the race of my friends. It especially hurst when your immediate family is in one the "fun". And of course it didnt help that I joined a historically white GLO. I went where i felt the most comfortable, and my chpater happened to be diverse in race ( on a side not I would have joined AKA, but they werent on campus during my years. I appreciate your org tremendously b/c it gave me a scholarship through my City's Urban League ).
Being black is part of my life and I have never denied that. Its a very important thing. But I am more about personality and being a human being more than anything else. And its ppl like the ones you all have talked about that make me mad and I want to be like its ppl like YOU who are keeping us from accomplishing more things and holding yourself back.

[lovelyivy84]

Well it seems like damn near everybody has had this experience.

Our society really needs to rethink what we mean when we say black. Black is a concept that is almost impossible to define because we are all so diverse. It doen't mean skin color because I know "black" people who are lighter than many whites. It can't mean facial features cause umm.. have you ever seen Iman? There are PLENTY of sisters out there that look just like that. It can't be economics, or speech, or political affiliation.

So what is it?

I guess I am still trying to figure that out within myself. Maybe it is simply acknowledgement- like you can't force black on anybody, even if they are as dark as midnight. Maybe it's about feeling that there is an OUR history and an OUR people, no matter what or who you think they are.

Hmm.