Rolling solo without being "alone" and "lonely"

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

No, really, it's not. Beyond the fleeting, if consistent, momentary thought in the restautant, it has no bearing on the rest of my day.

Good.

[IrishLake]

I get lonely on occasion. My husband is gone far too much for work, and too much time around my offspring with no other adult interaction makes for a crazy Irish lady. Sometimes it's just me and the kids from a Friday morning until a Monday evening. With that said, I LOVE going out by myself. I love eating alone. No one mooching food off my plate. No one demanding my attention. I can eat my food while it's hot and without having to cut up a plate of someone elses food first. I also enjoy solo movies.

For the first 5 years of my career, I traveled a lot. I once spent 8 weeks living in a hotel in Philly. I explored the city alone and learned to love eating alone. Just me and a book, or the bartender and a TV. It was weird at first. Now I miss it. I maybe get to go out an enjoy a nice meal alone once every few months or so.

[pinksequins]

Dining solo. I enjoy dining solo at restaurants with good food and atmosphere --- that seafood risotto and wine sounds like a winner. I love going out to eat with friends too and having great conversations. I also really like the European convention of dining with strangers -- it is clearly just a nice dinner conversation, nothing more. Sometimes I just want to people watch or converse with the waitstaff or simply collect my own thoughts or read or look at the ocean/landscape.
Dining alone can be restful or an adventure.

I only dislike eating bad food or being in a bad establishment. I feel awkward only if I am in a very parochial place or a bar. For example, you won't find me dining alone at a roadhouse.

I enjoy exploring alone, though I do like the sense of securityy of someone knowing my general whereabouts. I often wish to travel differently from my friends and family. For example, a good friend loves cruises. I. Do. Not. I love riding the train. Some of my family does not. I love walking; my cruise friend does not. In sum, if I wait until all of the stars are aligned, I won't be doing much more than the big sit.

[honeychile]

The one thing I won't do solo is go to a bar, married or not. I'm quite satisfied with my own company, plus I always have a book with me. My DH doesn't get home until VERY late at times, so I can either sulk at home, go out with friends, or go out by myself.

Being alone as opposed to being lonely is a choice. I choose to be happy.

[jenidallas]

Alone and lonely are not the same thing.

I spend a lot of time alone - I live alone and I travel 200+ days a year, often by myself. I enjoy going to eat by myself sometimes (where I can eat at my own pace - lingering over my drink or wrapping up quickly to get to my next spot). But I wouldn't call myself lonely - I have a great social, volunteer, and professional life full of interesting people who I make conscious decisions to spend time with.

I think solo time makes me a more complete and fulfilled person.

[Still BLUTANG]

my preference is actually to roll solo. i'm an only child, and there is no one's company i enjoy more than myself. LOL. this can be aggravating to my partner but oh well, he will deal. or i'll date until i find someone who does.

oddly enough, i am the planner / program manager in my group of friends. although i create opportunities to socialize, my plan is ALWAYS to pick something that i'll enjoy in a group or solo.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by jenidallas

I think solo time makes me a more complete and fulfilled person.

I agree. ^^

I'm a solo also. I enjoy the company of others but really prefer being by myself. I've always been like that. Mr. Ninjapoodle is like that also.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by TonyB06

I highlighted the above quote/question because for some reason, seeing people eating alone does bother me. Always has. I always feel like they're alone, and have no one--knowing it's very possible that there are 18 folk back at the house aggravating the fire out of them and they just want to get away.

But still, seeing single diners in restaurants, particulary elderly people, gives me an unexplainable twinge of sadness.

This.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Then the solo/non-solo thing is kind of a big deal to you.

I don't understand some people's need to find a "plus one" for everything. There are people who won't do anything (non-work related) if they don't have someone to accompany them. Going out "on the town", attending religious services, etc. It is one thing to want someone to accompany you but to absolutely need someone to accompany you is different

I feel this way about the movies, the beach and vacationing. I feel like those things are specifically supposed to be shared experiences. IMO though.

Originally Posted by 33girl

The other activity I love doing alone is shopping. I've never understood why some people feel this always has to be done in a team/group and I actually usually drive people crazy when I do shop with them because I dart from place to place.

Seriously. Unless I need a specific opinion, nope. I take FOREVER to shop, and often leave empty handed.

[DrPhil]

LOL, ASTalumna06, that makes sense. You don't want to be the creepy solo person staring at other tables. I like certain restaurants because they have something to keep me occupied. If I go to a restaurant that has nothing to keep me occupied I will bring my phone.

****
Yes, being alone and lonely aren't the same. But, being solo is different than both being alone and being lonely. When I enjoyed my seafood risotto this evening, I was eating solo but I wasn't alone. And I definitely wasn't lonely. There are times when I go out solo such as to a walking park. That is more alone but I damn sure make sure there are people somewhere in the vicinity so I don't end up with a bear attack.

I wasn't thinking of alone time in the bathroom or at home when I created this thread. LOL. I was more thinking about whether GCers go out solo.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Anyone care to share why eating solo bothers you? Is it the need to be doing something like talking to someone, watching the restaurant TV, or on your phone or laptop?

I noticed that when I don't bring my phone with me or there is no restaurant TV in my vicinity, the bartender or server (if I don't sit at the bar) wants to talk more. LOL. I know I'm solo. It is intentional.

I've really tried to disconnect in public when solo. It is HARD. If I'm reading a book or magazine, easy. Incessantly checking my phone is harder. This was a few years ago, but I didn't enjoy my own company then. Now, I can go to a restaurant, order, drink and just savor the moment. I do get a bit sad if I realize I'm the only one dining alone, but then I remind myself it was intential.

A lot of times, rolling solo is a matter of distance - if I dont feel like travelling to meet up with folks, I go alone. I really enjoy pedicures alone. Museums I almost prefer to go alone. I've yet to muster up going to a movie alone (I always say I will, then I don't).

As far as being at a bar... I definitely need something (TV, conversation, a game). If I sit there in my thoughts, (positive) solo time turns into (negative) lonely time.

OTOH, I do enjoy borderline creepy people watching, but I think that's the inquisitive writer in me.

[KKGCaroline]

I have a wonderful husband, but I really do like my alone time, I'll shop, visit the cinema, take myself into London for the day, drive a couple of hours to the coast. I also have a great social & professional life.

Before I was married, I travelled on vacations alone (Mexico, Spain, Germany) and I love the freedom it brings me, being able to take a day trip here, or go visit that museum, without having to worry that my travel companions want to hit the beach and lay out.

I have no issues with eating out alone, I always carry my kindle/book and have my phone to keep me entertained.

[pinksequins]

Tony, may I use your phrase "18 folk back home aggravating the fire out of them?". : )

I can see it being handy today.

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by pinksequins

Tony, may I use your phrase "18 folk back home aggravating the fire out of them?". : )

I can see it being handy today.

feel free.

[AZTheta]

Maybe I'm not getting it. Then I thought, oh! I know - it's because I meditate. I have, for decades. I can go to a happy place or space, with a quiet mind, very easily and quickly. It results in a peaceful expression, a calm serenity; and then people want to talk to me because I look so happy or whatever. So, damn it, I'm not solo and I have to interact with others. Gah!

My friends tell me how they envy me. It's there, for the taking. A quiet mind is a gift.

[33girl]

One of the good things about being an only child is you get used to doing things alone and even more, give off an air of being comfortable doing so. I have no problem eating alone, anywhere from McDonald's to the fanciest place in town. There used to be a time when a single diner would be asked if they minded having another single diner join them, or always forced to the bar, but those days are pretty much gone, thank God.

The other activity I love doing alone is shopping. I've never understood why some people feel this always has to be done in a team/group and I actually usually drive people crazy when I do shop with them because I dart from place to place.