Involved sorority collegiate turns invisible alumna

[ComradesTrue]

I think there are a zillion reasons for this, and I actually am not suprised that it happens. First, as others have mentioned, there is the burn out factor and I don't think that a chapter being top, bottom, or in the middle has anything to do with it. There are always issues, even for strong recruiting and award winning groups and when you have been that invested you just need to take a break.

We encourage our collegians to be super involved on campus and not limit themselves to just class and sorority, so NPC alumnae tend to be involved adults as well. However, once one enters the working world, the free time shrinks tremendously and people must decide how to spend their limited time away from work and (possibly) family. For me, I wanted to explore some new endeavors instead of just regurgitating the ones I had already been doing. Therefore, my free time was spent exploring outdoor activities, getting involved with my church, participating in organizations related to my career, volunteering heavily with the Komen foundation, and oh yeah, happy hours/social opportunities. Lots of happy hours and social activities. It was a new town- I didn't want to just hang out with women again.

And yes, agree with those who said that sometimes you just don't mesh with the women in a new city. I experienced this personally when I bravely showed up to a Founders Day event not knowing a single person. The people who were sitting at my table were of comparable age to me (early to mid to late 30s) and their very first question was "Which country club are you a member of?" This was asked in such a manner that their assumption is everyone is a member of some club, but that there was only 1-2 acceptable responses for that very large city. Whatever. You think I ever showed up to another event after that?

I now live somewhere different and have been uber involved in the alumnae chapter here. Different stage of life, different stage of circumstances, and now the time is right. I think that I had to get away from it for about 10 years to come back and appreciate it.

[AOII Angel]

I wasn't involved for 10 years post college. Med school and residency don't exactly mesh with ANY extracurriculars, but then again, AOII didn't have an alum chapter in my area, either. When I moved to Baltimore, though, I became super-alum. I can't say that I felt an immediate connection to my alum chapter. It took an effort, just like we say to PNMs who join their chapters and as NMs realize that they aren't suddenly BFFs with every person in their chapter. I had to make myself go back to the next meeting. After the first year, it was a little better, but I had taken a leadership role. I was an advisor for the collegiate chapter we supported. After three years, I had to move to Phoenix, and I miss my alum chapter so much. My new chapter doesn't actually do meetings. After nine months, I haven't met the first AOII. To everyone who didn't mesh the first time, try and try again.

[AGDAlum]

My reply will not add much new to the mix, except for my story. I was a very involved undergraduate, then served a year as a leadership consultant. My first professional position was in a town 40 miles from the collegiate chapter I worked to create, and for the next four years I served as an adviser. (Hi, Carnation! )

I took a job in another state, in a town where there was a collegiate chapter. (In fact, I'd visited it during my consultant year.) I looked forward to helping with that chapter. Not so! They had two advisers (alumnae of that chapter) who didn't want anyone else involved. I was invited to one IRD (=founders' day) in the 2-1/2 years I lived there. (The bright spot of my sojourn in that job/that town was that I met and married my husband.)

I served on two AGD international committees during those seven years.

We moved to Maine; no collegiate chapter anywhere near. A few alumnae met for lunch, which was nice. I tried starting a regional alumnae group (Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont) which had two IRDs, both very nice occasions.

We moved to another state, to a college town where there was a very strong collegiate chapter and a very strong alumnae club. Also very chapter-centric. (I remember one alum saying that she was moving to another state, mourning that "there are no Alpha Gams there." I looked in the directory and found about two dozen Alpha Gams. They just weren't the same chapter.) That chapter welcomed me and I served as finance adviser for four years. I still get their alumnae newsletter.

Since 1998 I've lived at some distance from an undergraduate chapter. I joined the alumnae club immediately and I pay dues every year. However, it is based 35 miles away and it meets the same night as my P.E.O. chapter. My schedule is quite full as I "welcome the opportunity of contributing to the world's work in the community where I am placed because of the joy of service thereby bestowed and the talent of leadership multiplied" with AAUW, P.E.O., Rotary, various community organizations, and professional associations.

[Munchkin03]

I'm another one!

I'll chalk it up to a few things:

1. Burnout. I was all about the sorority in college and when I got to grad school I needed to take a break from it. I did the social things like happy hours for a few years but the alumnae chapter here skews young and at 29 I'm kind of over mixers with fraternities. Granted, I made some of my best girlfriends from the alum chapter.

2. Interest in other charities. I'm extremely involved on a national and local level with my college and that's a full-time job in and of itself.

3. Work had to take a priority. I'm taking my exams to become a licensed architect. There's simply no time.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

(you can't really get burned out in 2.5 years lol.)

Hm, not true.

Coming from a chapter as small as mine was, it's definitely possible. Each sister having to hold 4-5 positions can take its toll over the course of just one semester... especially when one or two members aren't pulling their weight and/or aren't willing to take on a little extra responsibility. I love my chapter, and I wanted to do everything I could to help us succeed, but I won't lie and say I didn't have those, "Why the hell won't graduation day hurry up and get here already?!" moments.

However, I also wouldn't trade my experience for anything in the world.

I definitely needed a break after graduation. I moved back home, but 8 months later moved closer to my campus again and served as Recruitment Advisor. It was nice to be able to help the chapter in the one area that we could never quite figure out (at least while I was active). Moving to NJ a couple years later ended that.

Then my new job required that I travel.. a lot.. for about 6 months. Now that I have some more free time, I would love to get back into an advisor position, however, the chapters around me are at least a half hour away - not completely unreasonable, but not a quick drive down the street, either. And the closest alumnae chapter is in NYC, which at the minimum is a 45 minute train ride just to get to Penn Station.

The only reason I'm not still involved is basically because of geography.

[DolphinChicaDDD]

Sometimes I feel like Alumnae groups need to remember they had to work to get members as collegiate. While they are already half way there, heck we all are members, but it is still about wanting to join and belong. When I moved to across the country, the first thing I did was join the alumnae chapter. I went to the first meeting and aside from being recognized when they asked new members to stand, I was invisible. I walked in, no one welcomed me. I left, no one said good bye. I felt like the odd girl out. It completely turned me off to the chapter.

I gave it another go halfway through and forged my own welcoming committee (I started a happy hour club every 3rd Friday of the month) and found a few other newbies who felt the same. Then I promptly moved abroad...and thats the end of that.

[PiPhiERDoc]

I was extremely "Polly Pi Phi" as an undergrad, multiple offices, ect.
I started working on our chapter's alumnae advisory committee in my 3rd year of medical school and other than a 2 year hiatus during residency have continued to service as a chapter adviser in various positions.
I really love continuing to be involved with the chapter and watching it continue to thrive.

The downside to this is that I have really never been very involved in alumnae clubs. I just don't have time to do both.

I used to feel bad about this, but now I think that we all have ways that we can contribute to the organization that means so much. My way is continuing to help the undergraduate chapter. Being a "slightly older sister" to 115 chapter members and watching them grow and change through their 4 years me feel very connected still to Pi Beta Phi, which is great. I have made amazing friends along the way with the women I have met in the chapter and my fellow alumnae serving as advisers.

[KSUViolet06]

Also, I think that everyone is comfortable with a different level of involvement.

Ex: yPretty early on after college, I was asked to advise by several people. I didn't want to be an advisor just because the only collegiate chapter I live close enough to is my own. While I absolutely love my chapter, I attended grad at the same school, and I felt like I wanted to be involved in something other than Alpha Beta and our local alumnae chapter.

My level of involvement suits me because I get to be involved with different chapters and projects while not having the level of intense involvement with ONE group like an advisor.

Then on the flipside of this, I have friends who absolutely LOVE advising their hometown chapter and have been doing it since they were first eligible to do so.

Then there are others who are more comfortable with "behind the scenes" type of involvement rather than direct collegiate interactions. Example: one of my chapter sisters works on web development with our Foundation. That's her thing, moreso than dealing with chapters. So it depends.

[AOEforme]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Also, I think that everyone is comfortable with a different level of involvement.

True story. In addition, comfort level differs with different chapters. The closest alumni chapter to me is filled with women who are much older than me and married with children. In addition, I don't have time for weekly meetings, teas, etc. So, I am currently not in an alumnae chapter.

However, I am still really involved in my sorority as an alumna. I'm working as a colonization consultant and a PR advisor. These are jobs that I'm comfortable doing and that fit the craziness of life as a first-year medical student well.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

I don't know about other orgs, but mine discourages very young alumnae from being too involved with the collegiate chapter. Certainly we were welcome to come down for recruitment and hold trays of punch and what-not, but being on an advisory committee while there are still women in the chapter with whom you were a collegian is a bit sticky. I definitely understand why they'd look for women further removed from college, or at least from different chapters, but it leads to a sense of "oh, we don't need you" followed by "please come back" four years later.

Also, I don't really feel like my region of the country is big into Greek life. Even as a senior in college I left it off of my resume because the odds of a hiring manager having negative stereotypes about greeks are pretty good.

Also also, I don't really know what the alumnae chapters are, outside of their support of the collegiate chapters. Social groups? Service groups? Professional networking groups? All of the above? There are several groups in the area, and I don't feel that any of them could explain that well what they offer.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I don't know about other orgs, but mine discourages very young alumnae from being too involved with the collegiate chapter. Certainly we were welcome to come down for recruitment and hold trays of punch and what-not, but being on an advisory committee while there are still women in the chapter with whom you were a collegian is a bit sticky. I definitely understand why they'd look for women further removed from college, or at least from different chapters, but it leads to a sense of "oh, we don't need you" followed by "please come back" four years later.

Also, I don't really feel like my region of the country is big into Greek life. Even as a senior in college I left it off of my resume because the odds of a hiring manager having negative stereotypes about greeks are pretty good.

Also also, I don't really know what the alumnae chapters are, outside of their support of the collegiate chapters. Social groups? Service groups? Professional networking groups? All of the above? There are several groups in the area, and I don't feel that any of them could explain that well what they offer.

The suggestion with my org is that you not advise until everyone who was active with you has graduated. That isn't a concrete rule because some chapters struggle with finding advisors and if they followed this as a rule all the time, some chapters wouldn't have anyone. But you are right about it being sticky.

Concerning what an alumnae chapter is, with us it just depends. They all have the same standard requirements in order to be and remain chartered (ex: one meeting per month, one Foundation related fundraiser or project per year, and x number of service events/opportunities per year.)

But the degree to which every chapter branches out from those standard events makes the chapter different. So every chapter has a different feel.

Example: The Big Metro Area Alumnae Chapter may have TONS of members in a variety of age groups. That leads to diversity of programming. They might consider the monthly chapter meeting to be just the "business" part of the sorority. They have bi-weekly young alumnae happy hour, a book club, a mom's group, a huge Foundation auction every year, you name it. So the chapter encompasses MANY different aspects of being part of an alumnae group.

In contrast: Small Town Alumnae Chapter might have a small number of members who are all in the same stage of life (ex: everyone is 40+, has a family, etc.) They might not see the need for having more than one event per month, and maybe their one meeting a month meets at the same local restuarant that they've been meeting at for years. Their one meeting might be more of a social event than anything else since everyone is busy with their families and doesn't have time to do much else.

Not saying that there is anything wrong with either type of chapter. i'm just noting that beyond our basic requirements, "what a chapter is?" tends to vary depending on who is in it.

It happens that people are looking for different things in chapters. I've seen Suzy Sigma bypass her local alumnae chapter for Chapter That's Over an Hour Away because it offers the level of activity that she is interested in.

[Shellfish]

It's always surprised me, too, that the leaders of my chapter never got involved as alumnae, not even the chapter president when I was a pledge (and later instrumental in restarting the Panhellenic Association on campus), who just embodied KD to me back then.

On the other hand, a woman who joined as a second-semester sophomore (not that unusual on our campus) and thus had few opportunities for the big positions has been a terrific leader at an alumnae group, one that's supported a couple of our newer chapters. I wonder if you get more mileage from the tortoises than the hares.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Shellfish

On the other hand, a woman who joined as a second-semester sophomore (not that unusual on our campus) and thus had few opportunities for the big positions has been a terrific leader at an alumnae group, one that's supported a couple of our newer chapters. I wonder if you get more mileage from the tortoises than the hares.

There is also the other end of this, the woman who joined as a junior who doesn't feel "qualified" to be involved as an alumna because she "wasn't an officer or anything" or "was only active for like 2 years."

You'd be surprised at how many people I've heard say that when approached about being involved.

Same goes for those women who maybe pledged/initiated but became alumnae due to transferring somewhere without a chapter (ex: Mary Sue pledges as a freshman but transfers to No Chapter University after sophomore year and becomes a 20 year old alumna.) They don't feel like there is a place for them because they were only active for a short time.

They don't get that you don't have to have been Super Suzy Sigma to contribute.

[thetygerlily]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

i tried to make a connection with our local alumnae chapter, but they were mostly from the same college chapter and it was hard to break in. the first time, i gave up.

Originally Posted by DolphinChicaDDD

Sometimes I feel like Alumnae groups need to remember they had to work to get members as collegiate. While they are already half way there, heck we all are members, but it is still about wanting to join and belong. When I moved to across the country, the first thing I did was join the alumnae chapter. I went to the first meeting and aside from being recognized when they asked new members to stand, I was invisible. I walked in, no one welcomed me. I left, no one said good bye. I felt like the odd girl out. It completely turned me off to the chapter.

This is so important. Whether it's because they have been part of the group for years or all come from the same chapter, it's really hard to remember to be extra-welcoming to newcomers. I have never felt not-welcomed- and really the members of my local association have been very nice and interested in talking to me at events. However, the programming does not work for me. The business meetings are during the workday, many of the events are during the workday, etc. I started an evening group a few years ago but it's only had limited success. Most people from the closest school here join a different association, and there's a sort of stigma- one group is young, one is not. I just don't have the energy or desire to fight traffic to go further away from me to join an association where the majority of the members are from one specific chapter.

So welcoming should really encompass two things- personally welcoming, and programming/systematically welcoming.

Originally Posted by AGDAlum

I looked forward to helping with that chapter. Not so! They had two advisers (alumnae of that chapter) who didn't want anyone else involved.

Got that too. I'm looking at long-distance advising because of that.

[33girl]

This is one reason I've always said that NPC alum chapters should be much harder to charter. We need a very small amount of members to do so, and theoretically, they could all be from the same pledge class, let alone the same chapter. No matter how friendly and welcoming a person you are to women from other chapters, it's human nature to have inside jokes and such in that situation. If you restrain yourselves from it, the chapter's going to be very "clinical" and probably not much fun for anyone.