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I probably shouldn't admit to all of this...but...growing up the only dream I was really allowed to have was getting married and having kids. Ever since I can remember career dreams were always knocked or crushed by my parents and no matter what I wanted "how will your husband fit into that?" or "when will you start with making us grandchildren?"...and I watched my sisters give up their dreams to be wives and humor their husbands and be devoted to their children above all and they are just miserable. They want a career.
So I was always kinda forced into wishing for it and hoping for it and it got where I wanted marriage some day just to escape the childhood I had full of abuse and it's sad really.
About a year ago I learned that I have this hormone problem that someday could prevent me from having children. I still can right now, but there's a good chance that much later and I won't be able to. My parents hated me so much for this. And now most my relationships have been awful and eh, it's like I get to start from scratch.
I get the new dreams now...coming up with what I want and it's scary. I kinda want to keep the marriage one just because it's comfortable. But hey, I'm not quite 20 yet...so I have time to um, dream, still....I think....
didnt mean to ramble..just the topic made me think a lot
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