Worried about my daughter

KDMater · #1 11-22-2004, 01:33 PM

My daughter will be going through spring recruitment at a heavy Greek school but not, I don't think, very competitive. But I'm not sure about that. She is a little naive and I'm worried that she's not going to be realistic enough about rush. I think she might have a few too many stars in her eyes about a few of the sororities. I've tried to suggest the usual: find the group that fits her best, look at her fellow PNM's as she goes through the process and gets closer to a decision, used the one about what group would you run to at 2 a.m. after you've broken up with a boyfriend. But I'm still worried. I don't know if maybe I'm off the mark and maybe she'll do fine in the recruitment process or if she's off the mark in thinking that rush might be more "egalitarian" than it really is.

I guess I just don't want my sweet child to be hurt and I'm trying to help her, as subtly as I can. Any suggestions? Thanks!!

P.S. Unfortunately, no KD on her campus so no legacy help. She has a rec for every sorority but I don't think they count for much there.

CutiePie2000 · #2 11-22-2004, 02:04 PM

I think you are "good Mom" to be worried for your daughter as there is a lot of unknown factors when it comes to rush, and a lot of people will want to blow sunshine your way.

This thread should help your daughter to be prepared:
My Advice to Rushees

Yeah, I suppose that it is a thread meant more for rush at Southern, Competitive Schools, but I think best to be prepared, than showing up and trying to "wing it".

adpiucf · #3 11-22-2004, 02:59 PM

You're a good mom! Having helped her with recs and giving her your advice as a sorority woman, you've done all you really can. It's her rush and her personality and self that will determine how her rush will go. The best you can do is to help her pick out some clothes, maybe refer her to Greek Chat, and give her some tips on questions she should be prepared to answer and how to shake hands effectively. Let her be herself.

Little E · #4 11-22-2004, 04:06 PM

I'd show her Greekchat, and let her see what the site is about. If she is going to a northern school though, make sure you don't follow the 'southern' advice too much, it could have the reverse effect. (That is just coming from me who went to a mid-western school and would have thought a southern belle trying to rush us was really from Mars.)

KSUViolet06 · #5 11-22-2004, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Little E
I'd show her Greekchat, and let her see what the site is about. If she is going to a northern school though, make sure you don't follow the 'southern' advice too much, it could have the reverse effect. (That is just coming from me who went to a mid-western school and would have thought a southern belle trying to rush us was really from Mars.)

Co-sign on this. I'm from a large Midwestern state school (Kent) and I managed to freak myself out thoroughly before I went to COB by lurking on this site.

PhoenixAzul · #6 11-22-2004, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by JocelynC
Co-sign on this. I'm from a large Midwestern state school (Kent) and I managed to freak myself out thoroughly before I went to COB by lurking on this site.

Cosign. If our rush had been anything like half the rushes on here, I think I would have had a nervous breakdown. Rec letters and such...lord allmighty. Just a reminder that it takes all kinds to make a world.

FSUZeta · #7 11-22-2004, 08:25 PM

if you know an alumna from your daughters school, or a current sorority member, it might be helpful for your daughter to hear first hand how recruitment will be at her school. maybe they could fill her in while she is home over christmas break.if it is a current sorority member, as long as she speaks in panhellenic terms, she will not be commiting a recruitment infraction. best wishes for a good recruitment experience for your daughter. lisa

tunatartare · #8 11-23-2004, 01:56 AM

It would be helpful to maybe do a search on here to find out any posts about the particular culture (especially in reference to rush/recruitment) at your daughter's school. I echo everyone else who posted above me when I say that advice for large, southern schools does not apply everywhere else. I go to a small Northeaster school and up until I joined GC I never even heard of recommendations, or girls buying white dresses before even going through rush, or having to pay to rush, or any of that. It just doesn't apply to my school. Good luck to your daughter!

KDMater · #9 11-23-2004, 10:36 AM

Thanks everyone! It is a mid-western school so I will bear that in mind - I might be over-anxious and over-engineering. I have told her about Greekchat but I'm not sure if she'll follow up - might be that mind of her own thing. We will definitely shop for clothes over xmas break (would have done that anyway - nothing like mom and a plastic card!). I have aked a friend to plant a bug in the ear of her niece who is rush chair of one of the sororities there (just be on the lookout, blah, blah, blah) and one of her recs is from the alum adviser to a different group there (although as I said, I don't think recs count much, if at all, there). Any other alums I know are too far removed (age-wise, that is) to have insight into the current rush scene.

I've tried to talk to her about sorority rush - generally and casually. But she's a first semester freshman experiencing her first taste of independence and I don't think that "mom's advice" is what she's looking for right now.

I guess I've done as much as I can - I really don't want to interfere/meddle. It's her rush - not mine. I guess a lot of the anxiety for me stems from my own (long-ago) rush which was a disaster first time around. I was way too naive and ill-prepared. No recs, no knowledge of the process, no advice threads on the internet ( no internet at all actually LOL!). I rushed the sorority I wanted to be like - not the one I already was. Like any mom, I don't want to see my daughter make that mistake.

It's probably time to leave it up to her - she really is a sweet girl and hopefully her personality will shine through. She'd be an asset to a group - she's involved in several leadership programs, has solid grades (possibly dean's list), does community service. Okay, enough of the mommy brag...I'll keep you all posted when the time comes.

kddani · #10 11-23-2004, 10:39 AM

sounds like you're taking a good (and realistic!) approach

come on over to the KD forum and introduce yourself!

AOT, Danielle

KDMater · #11 11-23-2004, 11:35 AM

I did, thanks!

Buttonz · #12 11-23-2004, 11:46 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KLPDaisy
It would be helpful to maybe do a search on here to find out any posts about the particular culture (especially in reference to rush/recruitment) at your daughter's school. I echo everyone else who posted above me when I say that advice for large, southern schools does not apply everywhere else. I go to a small Northeaster school and up until I joined GC I never even heard of recommendations, or girls buying white dresses before even going through rush, or having to pay to rush, or any of that. It just doesn't apply to my school. Good luck to your daughter!

I second that! Rec letters? Buying white dresses before rush? Specail clothes for the PNM's? Paying for rush? Before I joined GC I would have looked at you like you were crazy! Nopw at least I know what it's all about, although I can't ever imagine anything like that!

Your a good mom to be worried, just let her shine through and hopefully she will find her home! Good luck to your daughter and welcome to GC!

AchtungBaby80 · #13 11-23-2004, 11:59 AM

Wow...sounds like you've really prepared her! I kinda wish I had had someone to do that for me when I rushed, because I knew absolutely nothing and I still don't know how I managed to bumble through it and still do so well. However, there is something to be said for being naive--since I didn't really know the score, I was probably a lot less stressed and anxious because I was just having fun with it, so don't let her get too worked up.

WVU alpha phi · #14 11-24-2004, 12:17 AM

I think it is really sweet that you're so supportive of your daughter going through rush! My parents weren't thrilled at the idea of me rushing, but agreed to pay my dues as long as I kept my GPA above a 3.0 (which I've done!). Your daughter is lucky to have a sorority mom who knows what she is going through during rush. Keep us posted on how things turn out!

soror_hopeful · #15 12-08-2004, 05:00 AM

your an awesome mom!!! i think ur daughter will be just fine with a mom like you