How much time single?

James · #1 03-22-2004, 02:08 PM

They say that being in a relationship actually slows maturity as an individual to some extent, and that we assimilate the most relationship lessons given significant gaps between long term steady relationships.

And generally you can tell when you talk to someone the difference between someone who has rarely been single versus someone who has spent a significant time alone developing.

So I was wondering Greek Chatters, counting from your first serious SO how much if your potential dating time has been totally single and in what blocks of time? And this would also not count time spent breaking up only to get back together again because you didn't really move on.

I know people that have been single only a matter of months from 16-22 . . and it shows.

ETA: Its kind of like you can tell who lived with their parents for a long time or who was the most dependant on that support. That has good and bad points.

honeychile · #2 03-22-2004, 02:17 PM

When I was going through my divorce, I got involved with a good recovery group. One of the main principles was NOT to be involved with someone for two years after your divorce.

At first, I thought I'd die. But instead, I made good friends - of both sexes. I learned more about me, and how I react and mis-react. I am the better person for having waited and am engaged to a great guy now.

I could not recommend learning NOT to lean on someone of the opposite sex strongly enough!

Aquastar · #3 03-22-2004, 02:18 PM

i have dated for a total of ... 3 years 7 monts and im 21 (and 2 months) :shrugs:

I think it depends on the person ... I dont think ive had a problem developing as a person even while being with someone ... but who knows ...
<3

#4 03-22-2004, 03:12 PM

Honeychile...did you go thru "Divorcecare"? i did it thru my church and they say the same thing about the the time that should elapse. I think you should when you feel ready to and not some magical number of months yrs or so forth

sugar and spice · #5 03-22-2004, 03:12 PM

Dated for a year
Single for a year
Dated for a year
Single for a month
Dated for six months
Single for two months
Dated for five months
Single for eight months
Dated for a year
Single for four months

honeychile · #6 03-22-2004, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by cutiepatootie
Honeychile...did you go thru "Divorcecare"? i did it thru my church and they say the same thing about the the time that should elapse. I think you should when you feel ready to and not some magical number of months yrs or so forth

No, my group was Fresh Start, Inc. but I did do it through a church.

They stress that a timer doesn't go on or off as to when it's time, but the statistics show that people who remarry within 2 years have a much great (85%) chance of divorcing again. Actually, I waited two years from when I filed, instead of when my divorce was final - and it was time well spent.

AKA_Monet · #7 03-22-2004, 04:01 PM

Personally, if you don't know who you are by yourself, how will you know anyone else AND yourself if you are in a relationship.

I may have been single and lonely without a "firm" relationship. But I dated, sporadically between my times... I call those flings. Flingin' it lasts for about 4-6 months sometimes a year. Then they become "cyclical relationships" that never amount to anything 'cuz the premise was to fulfill a need--ususally one that is physical, rather than self-soul-searching and reflection on oneself... IMO, it is rare a "fling" ever turns into a more meaningful relationship. I guess it's just the difference between how folks view relationships...

So I guess that's why folks say when a pertinent relationship ends, how can those persons learn from that relationship to move forward?

chideltjen · #8 03-22-2004, 04:47 PM

My last major relationship ended a little over 2 years ago. I have been single ever since. I have been a few dates here and there, but nothing serious. And no, I don't live at home. In fact I just moved into a place by myself. This should be interesting.

Rudey · #9 03-22-2004, 04:49 PM

Again, I repeat, I would not date any of you.

-Rudey
--Except AKA_Monet.

XOMichelle · #10 03-22-2004, 07:09 PM

Hmm... I'm one of those hardly single people, my first serious realtionship started when I was 17.

I guess I should be offended, but I'm not, since I keep finding people who I like, and like me.

valkyrie · #11 03-22-2004, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
They say that being in a relationship actually slows maturity as an individual to some extent, and that we assimilate the most relationship lessons given significant gaps between long term steady relationships.

Who is they?

Neosoulchild · #12 03-22-2004, 09:24 PM

I've been single for 4 years now. At first I was okay, but now I'm just down right getting sick of it.

Peaches-n-Cream · #13 03-22-2004, 10:00 PM

I didn't have boyfriends until after college so I must be very developed and mature.

AKA_Monet · #14 03-22-2004, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
Again, I repeat, I would not date any of you.

-Rudey
--Except AKA_Monet.

Eh, Rudey, Whassup wit 'cho game, these dayz?

Line 'em up and rack 'em, 'cuz you gonna havta "domino" out my husband first...

alphaiota · #15 03-22-2004, 10:16 PM

i do agree with james a lot here. i think that a woman needs to know herself as a person before she can learn to identify herself with a man. at least for me, i know who i am as a woman. i know what i like and don't like and i feel that gives me an upper hand when it comes to getting into a relationship.
all this being said, i do think it's important to experiement with relationships as well. that's a great way to learn what you like/need in a relationship. but don't overdo it.
that's just my two cents.

shelley j
sigma k