Dating in the Workplace..

XOAlumXO · #1 02-18-2004, 09:44 PM

What are ya'lls thoughts? Is it a bad idea?!

ztabchbum · #2 02-18-2004, 09:52 PM

I think it's a REALLY bad idea. However, one of my very dear friends is currently dating someone from her office and it's going well - for now. I won't do it just because if and when there's a break up - no matter what the circumstances are - there will always be that akwardness in the office. No thank you. I don't even hang out with people from my office. To me there are the people I work with and the people I'm friends with and the two are never one in the same.

AGDee · #3 02-18-2004, 10:35 PM

I think it depends on how you define "workplace". I work in a big building with numerous floors and would consider dating someone that I don't have to be in contact with as part of my work. Sure, there could be awkward elevator moments or cafeteria moments if things didn't work out, but it wouldn't directly affect my work. On the other hand, my co-worker dated and lived with someone else in my department without anybody knowing. After they got married, they told people. They're still married and they're really good together. So, I guess it just depends!

Dee

#4 02-18-2004, 10:50 PM

BAD! i dated and eventually married the guy i wokred with and nnow 7 yrs later and a divorce.

James · #5 02-18-2004, 11:48 PM

What she says.

Its basically a hindsight thing. If it all works well and ends well . . it was a good idea, if not a bad one. *shrug* take a risk live a little.

Quote:

Originally posted by AGDee
I think it depends on how you define "workplace". I work in a big building with numerous floors and would consider dating someone that I don't have to be in contact with as part of my work. Sure, there could be awkward elevator moments or cafeteria moments if things didn't work out, but it wouldn't directly affect my work. On the other hand, my co-worker dated and lived with someone else in my department without anybody knowing. After they got married, they told people. They're still married and they're really good together. So, I guess it just depends!

Dee

chideltjen · #6 02-19-2004, 12:07 AM

See i wasn't even dating anyone i worked with but had a small crush on a guy that some people noticed and went crazy with rumors around the office. Even if I hung out with guys and went to lunch with them as friends, people would start chatting and "does so and so like so and so?" BLAH. Bad idea.
And I have dated someone I worked with. We broke up while I still worked there and it was just drama!

damasa · #7 02-19-2004, 12:52 AM

Everyone will have different advice on this subject because each person will have a different outcome.

I dated a girl I worked with once and it was actually a really good thing. We still talk now and again and have actually become pretty good friends.

Munchkin03 · #8 02-19-2004, 01:08 AM

If you keep others out of your business, it can be a fine thing. It would probably be best to keep the issues out of the office...like just discussing work stuff between 8-5.

I had a short relationship with a co-worker (an equal) one summer. We kept it out of the office and let it run its course. No bad memories there. Compartmentalization is key.

decadence · #9 02-19-2004, 01:16 AM

There are some things you just don't do

alikat2 · #10 02-19-2004, 01:35 AM

For everyone contemplating dating someone from the office.....let me just share with you my drama.

Several months ago I got involved with a co-worker after he confessed he had secret feelings for me. I was thrilled with the idea because I'd always liked him and I thought we'd be good together. Well, he proved to be extremely fickle and things ended up fizzling, though we kept it cool at the office. A few months later, he slept with another co-worker--who has actually become a friend of mine-- and that's when things started to get really sticky. Basically, they hooked up for one night. He now claims it was all a big mistake, and of course she ended up being really hurt by the whole thing.

WELL, several weeks ago, she and I and another friend of mine were out at a bar getting drunk when this guy shows up. My co-worker and I are off dancing when my other friend decides to grill him, and he tells her that he still has a thing for me.

But it gets worse......we all went back to my apartment later and co-worker number two and the guy get into a drunken fight, with her almost crying and demanding to know how he could f*ck her and not like her.

HUGE HUGE drama which we all pretend doesn't exist at work.

damasa · #11 02-19-2004, 01:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by alikat2
For everyone contemplating dating someone from the office.....let me just share with you my drama.

Several months ago I got involved with a co-worker after he confessed he had secret feelings for me. I was thrilled with the idea because I'd always liked him and I thought we'd be good together. Well, he proved to be extremely fickle and things ended up fizzling, though we kept it cool at the office. A few months later, he slept with another co-worker--who has actually become a friend of mine-- and that's when things started to get really sticky. Basically, they hooked up for one night. He now claims it was all a big mistake, and of course she ended up being really hurt by the whole thing.

WELL, several weeks ago, she and I and another friend of mine were out at a bar getting drunk when this guy shows up. My co-worker and I are off dancing when my other friend decides to grill him, and he tells her that he still has a thing for me. But it gets worse......we all went back to my apartment later and co-worker number two and the guy get into a drunken fight, with her almost crying and demanding to know how he could f*ck her and not like her.

HUGE HUGE drama which we all pretend doesn't exist at work.

That's the thing though, your situation is unique.

All situations will be different.

And not to be mean about your friend but she shouldn't have let him throw it in her if she wasn't sure how he felt, you know?

alikat2 · #12 02-19-2004, 02:01 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by damasa
And not to be mean about your friend but she shouldn't have let him throw it in her if she wasn't sure how he felt, you know?

I know. But she really liked him and I guess got caught up in the moment. It's a common mistake.

As a disclaimer, this guy is not the asshole he sounds like. Swear it. Before he dated me, he was coming off a horrible break-up in which his girlfriend/fiance screwed him over big time. So he's still working stuff out from that. Too bad he had to take it out on two of his co-workers.

James · #13 02-19-2004, 02:02 AM

He doesn't sound horrible at all, he got to sleep with two of his co-workers. Thats not a bad thing

Quote:

Originally posted by alikat2
I know. But she really liked him and I guess got caught up in the moment. It's a common mistake.

As a disclaimer, this guy is not the asshole he sounds like. Swear it. Before he dated me, he was coming off a horrible break-up in which his girlfriend/fiance screwed him over big time. So he's still working stuff out from that. Too bad he had to take it out on two of his co-workers.

alikat2 · #14 02-19-2004, 02:17 AM

Oh no, he didn't sleep with me!

I didn't make the same mistake she did, thank God.

G8Ralphaxi · #15 02-19-2004, 02:25 AM

The only thing I would say is assume EVERYONE will find out. Think about that - and about what kind of office do you have? Very formal and corporate, or more laid-back? Friendly and congenial, or more cold and stiff? Do you feel like you can trust your co-workers or do you worry about them stabbing you in the back?

Always assume everyone will find out, and decide for yourself whether that would be o.k. Because no matter how discreet you think you are, it's never enough. Unless you really never go out in public and have a complicated system of disguises, underground tunnels, and always pay for meals etc. with cash.

Some offices, no big deal, they'll be happy for you. Other offices, not so good. My own personal experience with this was U-G-L-Y, with another bitch at the office finding out about it, threatening me with the info, figuring creative ways to tell me she thought I was a whore without really using the word directly, and then after I no longer worked there, trying to throw around gossip about me and insinuate that the office was a hotbed of sexual harassment and discrimination. It wasn't, she was just a bitch - she wasn't liked because she was a bitch, not because she was female. I was really worried for awhile that I was going to get a subpoena in the mail and be called to testify for some crazy lawsuit she was threatening to bring against the company. Bottom line: way too much trauma for someone I only dated for a few months. He was a great guy, nothing wrong with him, but just nice to hang out with, not any amazing soulmate.

As they said on Friends once "Don't dip your pen in the company ink!" (I guess that applies more to guys though, haha!

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