living together

roxydiva · #1 10-17-2003, 07:22 PM

hey folks....i mean, can anyone tell im in a fairly new relationship because i ask about when you say "i love you", and now this?

haha

heres the new question. for those of you who live/have lived with your significant other...how long were you together before you moved in? my boy always hints/jokes about it...and i never know what to think! i stay there all the time anyway...and he always says "you might as well move your stuff in and start paying rent" but who knows? hes moving from a 3 bedroom, to a one bedroom loft at the end of november...dum de dum! lol thanks for everyones help

roxydiva

FiReKraCkEr · #2 10-17-2003, 07:45 PM

My advice to you:

DON'T DO IT!!

I have seen relationship after realtionship fall apart after a couple move in together.

I say wait for a LONG LONG time. Believe me, in the end you wil totally understand.

valkyrie · #3 10-17-2003, 07:52 PM

Mr. valkyrie and I were together for 7 months when he moved in with me. I haven't regretted it once, not even for a second.

amycat412 · #4 10-17-2003, 07:55 PM

If you are young-- that is anything younger than late 20s, as a rule, I agree w Firecracker-- wait a long time. Years.

If you are late 20s - older, trust your instincts. Mr amycat and I moving in together after holidays, will be a year and a half.

AlphaGam1019 · #5 10-17-2003, 08:17 PM

don't do it.

wait for marriage or if you're really pushing it, engagement with a wedding date

bethany1982 · #6 10-17-2003, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by amycat412
If you are young-- that is anything younger than late 20s, as a rule, I agree w Firecracker-- wait a long time. Years.

If you are late 20s - older, trust your instincts. Mr amycat and I moving in together after holidays, will be a year and a half.

I agree! Be careful.

MereMere21 · #7 10-17-2003, 08:27 PM

Ok I'm going to go against the majority here and say you should definately live with a guy before you marry him. Mr. MereMere and I lived together for about a year before we got married and I'm SO glad we did (we did it because I felt it was ridiculous for me to pay rent in one place when I was always at his house!). Just little things like what side of the bed he likes, how he does his laundry, his daily routine in general. I was already used to everything when we got married so it made the transition go alot more smoothly. My parents lived together before they got married and they have been together for 30 years now. If your relationship falls apart because you move in together then it was doomed to fall apart anyway.

Besides, I think its a great way to save money

SilverTurtle · #8 10-17-2003, 08:33 PM

I moved in with Mr.SilverTurtle roughly 9-10 months after we were together.. .and until that time we were in a long distance relationship. I was hesitant (more because of my parents than anything). But it was a practicallity/money issue for us. It is silly to spend all of your time @ one location, but be paying rent, utilities, etc. @ 2 locations.

We've been together 6 years now and are going strong.

I think it really does depend on both people involved.

Imthachamp · #9 10-17-2003, 08:34 PM

dont do it.

Lil' Hannah · #10 10-17-2003, 08:54 PM

I've never lived with a guy, but I would suggest that if you do it, try to sign a short term lease, just in case the relationship does fall apart. I have a friend who had been with a guy for 2 or 3 years and they moved in together in June, and they've recently broken up, but they're stuck living together until next June.

IheartMATT806 · #11 10-17-2003, 08:56 PM

Just do it.....

What is the worse that can happen: You NOT like it, break up and move out. Its not that big of a deal. If you dont do it then think of all of the fun you may be missin out on?!

Its a big step but not the end of the world..People do it all the time.

twinstars · #12 10-17-2003, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AlphaGam1019
don't do it.

wait for marriage or if you're really pushing it, engagement with a wedding date

That's how I feel, too. But I'm only 22. Maybe I'd feel differently if I were older (like late 20s).

I think it would be a mistake at a young age (early 20s) unless you had very clear intentions of getting married in the near future- i.e. engaged with a date set.

I don't think it's smart for a woman to move in and 'play the wife' if the guy hasn't stated any clear intentions of marrying her. It seems like too sweet a deal for the guy otherwise.

What I mean is, there are things I would expect to do for a guy I was living with/married to... such as doing some of his laundry, some of his grocery shopping and errands, picking up around the house, some of the cooking and dishes, etc.... that I would probably NOT normally do for someone I was dating but not living with. I don't think I'd want to do all that stuff for someone on a daily basis-- wifely stuff-- unless we were serious enough, and he were committed enough, that we were planning on marriage.

I feel like you can learn a LOT about compatability without formally living together before marriage, assuming you're sleeping together and spending the night at each other's places a good amount of the time.... or at least you know enough about that person's habits/cleanliness/etc to know if there are any major 'deal breakers.' I guess you wouldn't be sharing the bills, but it seems like you'd know how the person was with money (spender vs. saver, huge loans/debt or not...) if you had been dating for a long time, anyway.

And I feel like my parents would hate me shacking up with someone, even if I were 30 and engaged.

James · #13 10-17-2003, 09:54 PM

I agree with Ivory, unless you are a person that finds it easy to leave bad situations AND you have some place to GO.

LOL. There must be nothing worse than two people economically trapped together.

Quote:

Originally posted by FiReKraCkEr
My advice to you:

DON'T DO IT!!

I have seen relationship after realtionship fall apart after a couple move in together.

I say wait for a LONG LONG time. Believe me, in the end you wil totally understand.

bcdphie · #14 10-17-2003, 09:58 PM

My boyfriend and I were together over 5 years before we moved in together. Since moving our relationship is actually better (not that it was bad to begin with). After 5 years, however, you really do know someone and were completely aware of each other's idiosyncrasies, so it has worked well for us.

smiley21 · #15 10-17-2003, 10:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by MereMere21
Ok I'm going to go against the majority here and say you should definately live with a guy before you marry him. Mr. MereMere and I lived together for about a year before we got married and I'm SO glad we did (we did it because I felt it was ridiculous for me to pay rent in one place when I was always at his house!). Just little things like what side of the bed he likes, how he does his laundry, his daily routine in general. I was already used to everything when we got married so it made the transition go alot more smoothly. My parents lived together before they got married and they have been together for 30 years now. If your relationship falls apart because you move in together then it was doomed to fall apart anyway.

Besides, I think its a great way to save money

ooh, i like that justification. i would like to move in with my s.o. before marrying him. however, i can already hear my mom screaming bloody murder. it is like the weird unspoken sin. my mom actually did say that the thought was just ridiculous and something she rather not think about.