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In defense of the guys, I don't feel they are being anti-brotherly or putting me before their bro. Yes, it's nice that they can tell me to my face that they believe I'm better off without him, but I doubt they would say that to his face because their his bros, and that's fine with me. I just feel that they are standing up for what they believe, and if they believe I'm better off with a guy like Mark, then that's fine by me.
For an update, Alex called me tonight, asking me to come over because his roommates weren't home and he wanted a booty call. I told him that I've been hesitant and that I'd rather just talk to him, as a friend, but couldn't talk on the phone because my entire family was all over my house.
So instead, I went over to his place. I basically got right to the point: that I had two reasons to be extremely hesitant with the friends with benefits thing. I told him that 1) i felt that he was disrespecting me as a friend by asking me to do this, that I would be disrespecting him as a friend if I did, and that we would be jeopardizing what is left of our friendship. Reason 2) I told Alex "what if" either of us starting seeing other people, that I would not want either of us to feel as if we were doing something completely wrong. He told me he understood, that he just wanted to have the physical part of our relationship to continue, and I told him that it wasn't fair to either of us, esp. me. He asked if I was dating someone else, I told him no, but that I met someone interesting, and kind of wanted to pursue it. He pushed me and pushed me until I told him it was Mark, and he knows Mark, and he actually said he thinks Mark is a good guy.
So we continued talking about a few things. Alex is into another girl as well, but hasn't really pursued it yet (they're going to each other's formals next month), and I told him to go for it. He pissed me off because during a lull in our conversation, he bluntly asked me if I wanted to have sex. I told him I was still extremely hesitant, and sat there to talk about it. I could tell he was kind of upset, but he claimed he wasn't. I went upstairs to get my things, and he asked me again, so I looked him in the face and told him NO....
You guys have no idea how proud I am of myself right now. Alex asked if I meant no, not tonight, or no, not ever again. I said not ever again, that I just want to be friends and it's not worth disrespecting myself to just have a physical relationship with him. I could tell he was a little bothered, but I left anyways.
I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you guys for your support! I feel like there's complete closure to our relationship now and I feel so much better...
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