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  #10  
Old 02-19-2003, 02:03 AM
KSig RC KSig RC is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Who you calling "boy"? The name's Hand Banana . . .
Posts: 6,984
First off, the guy's full of shit. He knows exactly how he feels, this is a gambit.

You've said he's smart, sweet, etc - so what he's doing is forcing your hand. He's saying, in effect, "This isn't going how I want it" w/out bringing it up. He wants you to say, "OK - I like you, let's spend more time together so you can realize you like me too."

Well, that's not too fucking fair, now, is it?

Instead, how about this: (James will like the psychological warfare aspect)

In your situation, I'd agree with him - he won't take any other answer well, and it's not really a deal-breaker . . . yet. Just say, "OK - we'll try to spend more time, see how it works out."

NOW THE IMPORTANT PART - Don't compromise what you were doing before - see if you can free up more time, and who knows, he might move up the priority list. If not, no worries, you've placated his immature need to smother you (and him), at least for the time being.

I'd seriously doubt that, given another couple weeks, he'll be able to play the "I don't know how I feel" card again - now, he'll have to force out the issue as he really means it, which is "I need to be around you 24-7 because that's the measuring stick I use to validate the relationship and judge how you feel about me."

At this point, once all the cards are out, you can explain your side - "Kid, you're pretty down, but these are my friends, they were here first, will be here last, and spending time with them isn't a cut on you at all. They all love that you're understanding" etc etc etc

Then, at this point, you'll see if he is truly what you think he is. If he's unwilling to adapt, to seek a middle ground with you, then perhaps that's the end - relationships are all give-and-take. With a little work, maybe everything works out. Either way, you should NOT be the only one who makes a change here, so don't give up anything important to you until there's agreement on this point.

It doesn't sound like the apocalyptic issue that some others are making it - ie 'maybe you should spend more time with him, or it wouldn't work' . . . it's just another simple matter of trust, honesty, and making sacrifices ON BOTH SIDES instead of him expecting them all from you.
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