Are Black Women Scaring Off Black Men

[ChaosDST]

I don't think the article is talking about catering to the black man, either. Although, I don't find anything wrong with black men and women catering to one another.

Why are black women always asked to put the same passion into our relationships as we do into our education and career? For years, it was expected and accepted that our men would be missing in action half the time in pursuit of educational or career accalades. We were expected to stand by them, support them, raise the children, feel neglected, and through it all...have a hot dinner waiting for them when they got home.

I'm ALL FOR putting my passion and energy into something that is deserving and from which I can expect (because I deserve it) reciprocation. But, believe that black women have put so much emphasis on education and career because we learned the HARD WAY that we couldn't always count on the black man to be there for us. When times get hard, they tend to leave.

So, when a strong black man comes around...he will be the benefactor of my passion and effort. I will respect his pride and manhood (black men need to feel like the men that they are). At the same time, I will expect him to give me what I'm giving him. We will BOTH be demanded to give the same time and attention to one another that we give to others or to our work. In that, we will also know when "chill time" is necessary so that both of us can go out into the world and achieve. I don't want a man SO IN LOVE WITH ME that he has stopped loving to succeed.

Originally posted by lovele1978
I don't think that the article is talking about catering to the black man. I had this same discussion with a friend of mine this weekend because we both have very outgoing and sucessful friends (both men and women) who are single and do not understand why. What I got from the article is that if we put the same passion into our relationships that we put into our education, civil activities, careers, etc. then somehow women will find a balance. My aunt once told me that no matter how much money you make, or how much education you have, you have to let a man be a man. That does not mean to let him walk all over you and to be submissive, but to understand and acknowledge that that is his role.

I also agree with Honeykiss that in this era there is a disproportionate amount of educated, successful black women to black men. The ratio sucks. But when we do find one (a good one I mean, not any 'ole joe of the street), we have to treat him like the strong black man we always preach about.

Just my honest opinion.

[7thSonofOsiris]

After reading this article, I am both happy to know that thoughts like it are shared amongst blk women, and I am happy to see the varied responses to it. Referencing the last part of my opening statement first, we must learn to duly appreciate the differences in each other's opinion driven responses, because blk women come just as varied as those repsonses. Oh yes, foundationally, blk women may have 98% of the same traits and intrinsic qualities, but, but it is each woman's specific journey, that makes her different from her sister.
You sisters are varied in background, exposure, theocratic belief, educational levels, earning levels, experiences with your fathers which ultimately affects each your experiences with the men you meet, and finally, each of you women have some slight variation in your life's fulfilling expectations.
In both pratice and theory, contemporary blk men love the strength that you sisters gain that comes from being independent, but, this spirit of independence must be coupled with that part of your genome, that part of you that insured that you would be born nurturers. We love knowing that we can, fight the world all day, and come home to that teammate who's presence and spirit will relax us, tend to us, and elevate us. We love the sister who has a sense of vision and focus, but, we want to know that we will be able to bring together, both our vision and her vision, without embarrassment in the direction of that vision, or without having to lower our confidence about that vision. Its the combining of these visions though, that will make you two a truly successful couple. Now, this doesn't mean that couples will not encounter their regular couple driven issues, but, those can be conquered, especially when compromise and communication are strong suits in your relationships.
Lastly, as I interact with my female friends and or relatives, and I listen as they go on about the business of discussing their men and relationships, or, even if they talk about fears and concerns when considering what their futures have in store in the area of love, I always say to them. First, look beyond what a man earns, but moreso, look at how he handles what he earns. Study his habits of stewardship and how he manages his money. Couple that with what he shares with you, is his vision for his life. I always say to them, secondly, look at how he interacts with the women who raised him and the women in his family. That will tell you something about how he was schooled to interact with women. Sometimes, men can be chameleons and hide their trues hearts, but, this putting on airs and hiding their truer selves can only last for a little while. We are way too simple creatures, if he's faking at who he wants you to believe that he is, trust me when I say that he won't have the endurance to do this for too long. I always say to them, thirdly, look at the conduct and habits of the men who raised him, especially the character of his father if there was a father present. This will show you the ways in which he was schooled to be a man. Lastly, I will advise sisters to always, always, look at the woman that you are now, and look at the woman that you desire to become, and ask yourselves, how attractive you are to "you". I was taught that, if you aren't attractive to yourself, then you for sure won't be attractive to anyone else. We men will fall in love with the "you", that you present to us. Make her above average, intelligent, confident, spiritual, loyal, trust worthy, visionary, passionate and fuse this with an understanding of Biblical order and text, and we men will give you all that we are.

[laylo]

So we still haven't moved past Moynihan. We're still not looking at the the rates of imprisonment, death, and denied access to health and education that systematically wipe out the "supply" of Black men. Instead we still prefer to blame Black women's personal behavior. We're still saying that Black women work too much, go to school too much, and take care of themselves too much, as if there has EVER been someone else to do these things for us. We're still ignoring the fact that Black women are doing what they have to do to take care of their children, because in most cases we are all they've got. Black women didn't wake up one morning and say "I don't need a man", they looked at centuries of history which told them that they didn't have the luxury of waiting for someone to support them.

Yes, there are certain Biblical standards and qualities about marriage and gender roles. And guess what? ALL RACES BREAK THEM. Black women are no further from the standard than any other women. Futhermore, I do take Paul's words to heart, but lets not forget that Proverbs 31 is about a wife who works her tail off to provide what her family needs!