What do you feel like saying, right now?

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I totally get where you’re coming from, Phrozen. I mean, fast moves do raise eyebrows. But sometimes love really is about timing. You don’t always meet the right person at the right age, or in the right season of life. Some people marry young and crash, others marry late and thrive. And I don’t believe it’s always about dopamine or nostalgia, I think it’s about finally finding the person whose rhythm matches yours. Know what I mean?

Whether it’s a year or ten years, merging houses and lives will always be a risk. But if you’ve waited decades to reconnect and it feels aligned, who’s to say a wedding date defines that timing? Some things you can only measure in faith, not formulas. That’s just my opinion based on my own experience.

For you, sure, love is all timing and faith. But let’s be real, CG, it helps when God’s “timing” conveniently drops you a husband who isn’t broke, lazy, or a bum. Funny how “faith” sounds a whole lot deeper when luck actually went your way. That tune only sounds sweet because you married up and hit the jackpot when you did. You didn’t prove faith, CG, you just got lucky. Your situation is just coincidence dressed in church clothes. Up in here trying to preach faith brought y’all together Lol. You just happened to be in the right place at the right time to meet dude and get together. That’s what happened.

Originally Posted by AGDee

So, I simplified things a little but- this house "we" just bought is in my name only, my mortgage, etc. When he sells his house, the camper will be in his name only. When he moves into the house I'm calling "our" house, he'll pay me rent. If we end up getting married, we will refinance with a joint mortgage and his name on the deed, etc. But, in choosing the house, the decor, rennovations we are making, etc, we consider it "our house". He wouldn't have gotten approved for a mortgage while paying his other one at the same time anyway. Trying to simultaneously sell two houses and find one we both want to live in is insanity. It's been very difficult to coordinate it with one. The amount of time and money we are spending driving back and forth is crazy too. And exhausting. It makes more sense for me to get out that way, then help him get his house ready to sell. We are thinking it will be spring before that happens.

Right now, we are each paying a mortgage, utility bills, streaming services, property taxes, home owner's insurance, etc. and it makes no sense to continue doing that. You CAN be fully committed to being together for life without paying for a marriage license.

Yes, it's been a year, but at 60 and 61, how long do you think we should wait? We probably have 20 years to be together (I have many major health issues). We want that to start as soon as possible. And if you don't know what you're looking for in a person at this age, you'll never know. We've known each other for 43 years. 3 of those, we were dating and the most recent 15 years, we were connected on social media. I know who he is.

He would get married yesterday - I'm the one who is hesitant. I want to live together first. I don't feel like I need to be legally married to be fully committed to him and our church won't ever recognize us being married because we're both divorced.

I’ll give you that, AGDee, you can definitely be committed without being married. I’ve said it myself, I’ll never marry at all. So I get that part. But here’s where I push back. No offense, but no way am I selling my house to pay a chick rent, and if it doesn’t work I’m living in a camper that’s legally in my name? WTF? I’d have told you to buy a house, but I’m not selling mine to pay you rent in yours. That’s suicide. And knowing somebody from prom night, from social media, or even dating years ago isn’t the same as knowing them in a marriage. Living together, merging finances, dealing with stress, that’s when you find out who a person really is. Nostalgia can make you feel like you already know, but marriage (or even a marriage-level commitment) is where you actually learn. Just saying, there’s a difference. And a side note, if y’all split, or dude misses a few rent payments, dude’s really gonna be living in a camper in his name. Dude might as well put his name on it. “TKE Dude” on the side in big ass letters LOL!

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

For you, sure, love is all timing and faith. But let’s be real, CG, it helps when God’s “timing” conveniently drops you a husband who isn’t broke, lazy, or a bum. Funny how “faith” sounds a whole lot deeper when luck actually went your way. That tune only sounds sweet because you married up and hit the jackpot when you did. You didn’t prove faith, CG, you just got lucky. Your situation is just coincidence dressed in church clothes. Up in here trying to preach faith brought y’all together Lol. You just happened to be in the right place at the right time to meet dude and get together. That’s what happened.

lol
Umm… so what’d you think I was going to do? Marry down? Umm… no. Just no. Not a chance. And then you’re like lecturing Dee about dopamine when you literally let a “big butt” move into your place after what… three weeks? Maybe four? I’ll let the lurkers guess how long it really was, but we all know it was faster than Amazon Prime shipping. And don’t make me bring up all those posts about how you two kept arguing like an episode of Maury. I mean, I swear, that wasn’t a relationship, that was like a 30-day trial run in your apartment, lol. Oh wait… or was it a house. I think you had just bought a house.

Anyway, that wasn’t a relationship. And don’t talk about wisdom when you couldn’t even make it past the free trial period.

Goodbye, Phrozen, lol.

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

lol
Umm… so what’d you think I was going to do? Marry down? Umm… no. Just no. Not a chance. And then you’re like lecturing Dee about dopamine when you literally let a “big butt” move into your place after what… three weeks? Maybe four? I’ll let the lurkers guess how long it really was, but we all know it was faster than Amazon Prime shipping. And don’t make me bring up all those posts about how you two kept arguing like an episode of Maury. I mean, I swear, that wasn’t a relationship, that was like a 30-day trial run in your apartment, lol. Oh wait… or was it a house. I think you had just bought a house.

Anyway, that wasn’t a relationship. And don’t talk about wisdom when you couldn’t even make it past the free trial period.

Goodbye, Phrozen, lol.

LMAO! Hell naw, no you didn’t just throw me on the Maury Povich show LOL!!!! It’s like that CG?

Alright that one was a “my bad” situation LOL

[Sciencewoman]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

I’ll give you that, AGDee, you can definitely be committed without being married. I’ve said it myself, I’ll never marry at all. So I get that part. But here’s where I push back. No offense, but no way am I selling my house to pay a chick rent, and if it doesn’t work I’m living in a camper that’s legally in my name? WTF? I’d have told you to buy a house, but I’m not selling mine to pay you rent in yours. That’s suicide. And knowing somebody from prom night, from social media, or even dating years ago isn’t the same as knowing them in a marriage. Living together, merging finances, dealing with stress, that’s when you find out who a person really is. Nostalgia can make you feel like you already know, but marriage (or even a marriage-level commitment) is where you actually learn. Just saying, there’s a difference. And a side note, if y’all split, or dude misses a few rent payments, dude’s really gonna be living in a camper in his name. Dude might as well put his name on it. “TKE Dude” on the side in big ass letters LOL!

I should stay out of this conversation, but the ditched and relegated to the camper scenario cracks me up.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

LMAO! Hell naw, no you didn’t just throw me on the Maury Povich show LOL!!!! It’s like that CG?

Alright that one was a “my bad” situation LOL

lol
Well, it could have been worse. I could have put you on Jerry Springer.

Originally Posted by Sciencewoman

I should stay out of this conversation, but the ditched and relegated to the camper scenario cracks me up.

Same here, lol.

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by Sciencewoman

I should stay out of this conversation, but the ditched and relegated to the camper scenario cracks me up.

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Same here, lol.

LOL! For real though, y’all are laughing, but let me be serious for a second. If the house is in her name only, then it’s not “our” (their) house. It’s hers. She owns the deed, she controls the mortgage, and she holds all the leverage. Dude paying rent doesn’t buy him equity, it just makes him a tenant. If they split, he doesn’t get a claim, he just helped her build her asset. That’s the reality.

Calling it “our house” sounds good emotionally, but legally it’s still hers. She’s secure no matter what, while he’s the one giving up his house, his equity, and his independence. That’s not balanced, it’s lopsided as hell. He’s all in, she’s halfway in with a parachute.

And that’s why this is so wild. If it works (and I hope it does), cool, she’s got a dude helping pay for renovations. If it doesn’t, she’s still got her house, and he’s out here polishing rims on his camper. Dude went from homeowner to having less equity than a 19 year old DoorDash driver with a busted Corolla LOL. Y’all laughing now, but tell me that ain’t crazy.

[XAntoftheSkyX]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

And that’s why this is so wild. If it works (and I hope it does), cool, she’s got a dude helping pay for renovations. If it doesn’t, she’s still got her house, and he’s out here polishing rims on his camper. Dude went from homeowner to having less equity than a 19 year old DoorDash driver with a busted Corolla LOL. Y’all laughing now, but tell me that ain’t crazy.

Even with buying a camper, he will still have a sizable amount of cash from selling his house, depending on the other factors. If he sells for $400k and let's say the camper costs him $50k, that's still $350k he has to reinvest elsewhere, pay rent, etc. plus any other forms of income he has. Even if things don't work out, as long as he has his head somewhat on straight, he can at the least take the money from the sale minus the camper and any other expenses and make an offer/down payment on a new place. Which can include selling the camper which will recoup at least part of it's value, even if it depreciates like all other vehicles.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by XAntoftheSkyX

Even with buying a camper, he will still have a sizable amount of cash from selling his house, depending on the other factors. If he sells for $400k and let's say the camper costs him $50k, that's still $350k he has to reinvest elsewhere, pay rent, etc. plus any other forms of income he has. Even if things don't work out, as long as he has his head somewhat on straight, he can at the least take the money from the sale minus the camper and any other expenses and make an offer/down payment on a new place. Which can include selling the camper which will recoup at least part of it's value, even if it depreciates like all other vehicles.

Exactly. We each have the equity from our original homes. I put the entire down payment on this one and his rent will be half what he pays for his mortgage now. He will have a ton of equity left after buying a $40K camper. He also wants to buy some acreage in the woods where he can hunt and keep the camper. That's his choice.

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by XAntoftheSkyX

Even with buying a camper, he will still have a sizable amount of cash from selling his house, depending on the other factors. If he sells for $400k and let's say the camper costs him $50k, that's still $350k he has to reinvest elsewhere, pay rent, etc. plus any other forms of income he has. Even if things don't work out, as long as he has his head somewhat on straight, he can at the least take the money from the sale minus the camper and any other expenses and make an offer/down payment on a new place. Which can include selling the camper which will recoup at least part of its value, even if it depreciates like all other vehicles.

Yeah, $350k sounds like a cushion, but cash melts quick when rent, bills, and a depreciating camper are eating it alive. Equity builds, cash bleeds. When your fiancée’s cashing rent checks like she’s your landlord, you’re not really building a future, you’re buying time. And if dude thinks that $350k will stretch forever, just wait, give it a minute and he’ll end up in the Popeyes drive-thru praying for extra biscuits with the 2-piece special LOL

But for real though, here’s the real kicker. Research shows women initiate around 70 - 80 % of divorces, and that rate jumps to nearly 90% among college educated women. And most aren’t walking away from abuse either, they’re just walking away because they’re not happy. So tell me again why a dude would trade his house for a camper and rent agreement when the odds are stacked like that?

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

Yeah, $350k sounds like a cushion, but cash melts quick when rent, bills, and a depreciating camper are eating it alive. Equity builds, cash bleeds. When your fiancée’s cashing rent checks like she’s your landlord, you’re not really building a future, you’re buying time. And if dude thinks that $350k will stretch forever, just wait, give it a minute and he’ll end up in the Popeyes drive-thru praying for extra biscuits with the 2-piece special LOL

But for real though, here’s the real kicker. Research shows women initiate around 70 - 80 % of divorces, and that rate jumps to nearly 90% among college educated women. And most aren’t walking away from abuse either, they’re just walking away because they’re not happy. So tell me again why a dude would trade his house for a camper and rent agreement when the odds are stacked like that?

Because he could still walk away and buy a house with his cash. You act like he's not working and doesn't have a 401K. He'll be paying half what he's paying now for housing. I just put 50% down on a house that he'll end up inheriting when we get married. Why would I give him all of that without being married? Seriously??

[agzg]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

Yeah, $350k sounds like a cushion, but cash melts quick when rent, bills, and a depreciating camper are eating it alive. Equity builds, cash bleeds. When your fiancée’s cashing rent checks like she’s your landlord, you’re not really building a future, you’re buying time. And if dude thinks that $350k will stretch forever, just wait, give it a minute and he’ll end up in the Popeyes drive-thru praying for extra biscuits with the 2-piece special LOL

But for real though, here’s the real kicker. Research shows women initiate around 70 - 80 % of divorces, and that rate jumps to nearly 90% among college educated women. And most aren’t walking away from abuse either, they’re just walking away because they’re not happy. So tell me again why a dude would trade his house for a camper and rent agreement when the odds are stacked like that?

You're coming at this from the view of a single guy with no kids. Two adults made a plan together about their assets and are carrying out that plan. Considering they both have adult children to consider, this plan protects both sets of kids in the event one of them passes away before they get married.

FWIW my dad paid rent to his now wife while they lived together briefly after he sold his house and before they were legally married. When they got married he used the proceeds from the sale of my childhood home to "purchase" half his wife's house, refinance the remainder of the mortgage and put himself on it, and put himself on the deed to create a "stake" for me and my brother if he passed. They did a bunch of estate planning as well to protect both sets of kids, including what's to be done with any remaining inheritance he got when my mom died.

Just because someone does something differently than you would doesn't mean they haven't put a lot of thought into the way they approach financial decision-making like this.

[cheerfulgreek]

Who’s Charlie Kirk?

[Cheerio]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Who’s Charlie Kirk?

Think he had a radio show on a few of our local 'SALEM' and 'THE ANSWER' conservative AM radio stations. I recognize his name from when I'm changing radio stations to find something to stay with during commutes.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Cheerio

Think he had a radio show on a few of our local 'SALEM' and 'THE ANSWER' conservative AM radio stations. I recognize his name from when I'm changing radio stations to find something to stay with during commutes.

Yeah, I looked him up. He’s a huge Trump supporter. Honestly, I think it’s a right wing inside job so they could take the spotlight off of Trump and Epstein. It’s a distraction.

[carnation]

There's a lot more to him than that.

And Epstein had "friends" from both sides, so to speak, and I don't think that politicians from either side care that much. After what some sitting presidents have done, there's no outrage anymore.