Quote:
Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands
Wait, so dude is selling his house, you already sold your house, and y’all are buying a camper? That’s a lot of permanent moves for a relationship that hasn’t even set a wedding date yet.
So the house consolidation and the camper, was that your idea, his idea, or did dopamine co-sign the whole plan? You sure this isn’t nostalgia making the decisions instead of wisdom?
Serious question though, what’s the bigger adjustment, merging two houses or merging two lives? I’m not trying to play devil’s advocate or pry, but damn, it’s only been a year.
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek
I totally get where you’re coming from, Phrozen. I mean, fast moves do raise eyebrows. But sometimes love really is about timing. You don’t always meet the right person at the right age, or in the right season of life. Some people marry young and crash, others marry late and thrive. And I don’t believe it’s always about dopamine or nostalgia, I think it’s about finally finding the person whose rhythm matches yours. Know what I mean?
Whether it’s a year or ten years, merging houses and lives will always be a risk. But if you’ve waited decades to reconnect and it feels aligned, who’s to say a wedding date defines that timing? Some things you can only measure in faith, not formulas. That’s just my opinion based on my own experience.
|
So, I simplified things a little but- this house "we" just bought is in my name only, my mortgage, etc. When he sells his house, the camper will be in his name only. When he moves into the house I'm calling "our" house, he'll pay me rent. If we end up getting married, we will refinance with a joint mortgage and his name on the deed, etc. But, in choosing the house, the decor, rennovations we are making, etc, we consider it "our house". He wouldn't have gotten approved for a mortgage while paying his other one at the same time anyway. Trying to simultaneously sell two houses and find one we both want to live in is insanity. It's been very difficult to coordinate it with one. The amount of time and money we are spending driving back and forth is crazy too. And exhausting. It makes more sense for me to get out that way, then help him get his house ready to sell. We are thinking it will be spring before that happens.
Right now, we are each paying a mortgage, utility bills, streaming services, property taxes, home owner's insurance, etc. and it makes no sense to continue doing that. You CAN be fully committed to being together for life without paying for a marriage license.
Yes, it's been a year, but at 60 and 61, how long do you think we should wait? We probably have 20 years to be together (I have many major health issues). We want that to start as soon as possible. And if you don't know what you're looking for in a person at this age, you'll never know. We've known each other for 43 years. 3 of those, we were dating and the most recent 15 years, we were connected on social media. I know who he is.
He would get married yesterday - I'm the one who is hesitant. I want to live together first. I don't feel like I need to be legally married to be fully committed to him and our church won't ever recognize us being married because we're both divorced.
Threaded Mode