Dropping My Sorority

[sigmagirl2000]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

POINT OF INFO:

Early alumna status is not a thing in every sorority.

really it's far less than half of the NPC groups as far as I've read and learned....

[clemsongirl]

Originally Posted by sigmagirl2000

really it's far less than half of the NPC groups as far as I've read and learned....

I don't want to swing too far towards revealing too much online, but I feel like this information should be made more public or at least explained to new members when they join. Otherwise you get women from all different sororities telling each other they can and can't "go early alum" and muddying the waters. ADPi offers alumnae status for women entering their fifth year of school, and chapters can offer a reduced membership commitment for women student teaching, co-oping, or studying abroad, but we don't have a general inactive status women can just dip into when they like.

[33girl]

I may be in tinfoil hat territory, but I’m somewhat inclined to think that it used to be more prevalent and has become less so as it was abused.

[shadokat]

It happens SO MUCH now! Women hear of a girl in another chapter going early alum or inactive for no reason, and they think they can do it in our chapter. We do not do any early alumnae status, and have the same standards for inactive status as you do for reduced membership. Lots of women today, in my opinion, feel that once their closest friends leave, they want to leave too, and don't take the time to reinvest in the new women. And then when you can't give them inactive status, they say fine, I'll disaffiliate. It's such a problem.

Originally Posted by clemsongirl

I don't want to swing too far towards revealing too much online, but I feel like this information should be made more public or at least explained to new members when they join. Otherwise you get women from all different sororities telling each other they can and can't "go early alum" and muddying the waters. ADPi offers alumnae status for women entering their fifth year of school, and chapters can offer a reduced membership commitment for women student teaching, co-oping, or studying abroad, but we don't have a general inactive status women can just dip into when they like.

[NYCMS]

Originally Posted by shadokat

It happens SO MUCH now! Women hear of a girl in another chapter going early alum or inactive for no reason, and they think they can do it in our chapter. We do not do any early alumnae status, and have the same standards for inactive status as you do for reduced membership. Lots of women today, in my opinion, feel that once their closest friends leave, they want to leave too, and don't take the time to reinvest in the new women. And then when you can't give them inactive status, they say fine, I'll disaffiliate. It's such a problem.

I don't remember this happening when I was an active (late 70's) and it does seem I hear of it more now. I've almost gotten the sense - from the situations I've heard of, including the daughter of a close friend - that a) girls don't realize that this is a lifelong commitment, or b) they get tired of the commitment. Yes, there are times when girls experience financial stress, etc., so those are different than what I'm describing.

A friend's daughter, for example, tired of "being told where and when to be somewhere" so she deactivated. A few other girls I've been told about didn't think it was "a big deal" to deactivate, they just "didn't like being in the chapter anymore."

Once girls start doing it for those kinds of reasons, I think it can spread to other members and begin to "normalize" de-activating and making it seem like it's not that big a deal.

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by NYCMS

A friend's daughter, for example, tired of "being told where and when to be somewhere" so she deactivated. A few other girls I've been told about didn't think it was "a big deal" to deactivate, they just "didn't like being in the chapter anymore."

Once girls start doing it for those kinds of reasons, I think it can spread to other members and begin to "normalize" de-activating and making it seem like it's not that big a deal.

I really wish that the term "de-activate" didn't exist. That sounds to me like something that can be turned on/ off.

It is quitting. It is breaking your commitment. Young women may not really understand that this means their membership is wiped out. No legacy status for relatives. No alumnae ties when they are older.

[33girl]

We always referred to it as self-terminating. I think that more accurately captures the gravitas of the decision.

[NYCMS]

Originally Posted by thetalady

I really wish that the term "de-activate" didn't exist. That sounds to me like something that can be turned on/ off.

It is quitting. It is breaking your commitment. Young women may not really understand that this means their membership is wiped out. No legacy status for relatives. No alumnae ties when they are older.

Totally agree.

I wonder if the "quitting rate" has increased with the revised pledge period. I feel so strongly that it's a mistake to pledge and then get initiated 9-10 weeks later because earning something makes a difference and that doesn't happen in a few months.

When I was initiated, I had studied and learned in-depth about Gamma Phi over 7 months, had really gotten to know my sisters (actives and pledges), had made my grades, had worked with my pledge class to become a true part of the chapter...I'm sad that girls don't get that these days (with the exception of Chi Omega who I understand sticks to second semester initiation, praise to them for this) for many reasons, including that when something takes time and you earn it, it can (and usually does) have much deeper meaning.

There are many members who are dedicated to their sorority that initiated within a few months, so this isn't anything against those members, but I do sometimes wonder about how early initiation has changed attitudes, not to mention lessens the ability to learn more about the sorority and what sisterhood for life means. At any rate, I certainly got to know many more sisters as a result of waiting and that made initiation even more special.

Sigh.

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by NYCMS

I wonder if the "quitting rate" has increased with the revised pledge period. I feel so strongly that it's a mistake to pledge and then get initiated 9-10 weeks later because earning something makes a difference and that doesn't happen in a few months.

You are preaching to the choir, sister! I hate the speed with which we initiate now. The girls do not have the time needed to form bonds and attachments or do much to earn the rights of full membership. They don't even know their pledge class, much less all of the actives. We can't blame the pledges.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by clemsongirl

I don't want to swing too far towards revealing too much online, but I feel like this information should be made more public or at least explained to new members when they join. Otherwise you get women from all different sororities telling each other they can and can't "go early alum" and muddying the waters. ADPi offers alumnae status for women entering their fifth year of school, and chapters can offer a reduced membership commitment for women student teaching, co-oping, or studying abroad, but we don't have a general inactive status women can just dip into when they like.

Sometimes, it's not even other sororities providing that information, but fraternities. Not that they're telling women, "Sure, just go inactive!" but I know of some fraternities that permit it, women hear this, and they assume the same goes for their organization. I've seen it happen.

[KSUViolet06]

On a somewhat related note. My University just ran an article re: returning recruitment to TWO WEEKENDS (with a week in between.)

This was the structure while I was active up until like 2008.

In 2008, they went to a TH-SUNDAY model (and two days for Round 1.)

They are returning to 2 weekends with the hope that it will return recruitment to a values-based experience and improve retention.

http://www.kentwired.com/latest_upda...efe86f1f2.html

Thoughts:

1. I do not think it is a bad change but I wonder if the length of a process is really what makes it values based? Values based has to start in the process itself.

2. Even with two weekends, we still had retention issues.

3. The community has obviously grown since the change (added 2 more chapters.)

4. Few are old enough to remember this but the change was aimed at keeping PNMs from dropping out of recruitment during that week in between.Commuter-y school. Greek community and recruitment itself was smaller. Girls would be unhappy with their parties on that Sunday for Philanthropy and drop. Or get House Tours invites they did not want and drop. There was a struggle to retain PNMs when there were only like 120 of them to begin with.

[shadokat]

At the chapters I've advised prior to my last placement, disaffiliation was never really an issue. Women were committed to the organization and knew the expectations. I took a 7 year break between advising stints, and with the chapter I currently advise, disaffiliation is thrown around all the time. And it's not just our chapter, it's campus-wide. I don't know why or when this change happened. And in my 4.5 years active, we never had one woman self-disaffiliate. Women may have depledged during the NM period every once in awhile, but once initiated, women didn't leave. It's truly disheartening to watch some days.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by shadokat

At the chapters I've advised prior to my last placement, disaffiliation was never really an issue. Women were committed to the organization and knew the expectations. I took a 7 year break between advising stints, and with the chapter I currently advise, disaffiliation is thrown around all the time. And it's not just our chapter, it's campus-wide. I don't know why or when this change happened. And in my 4.5 years active, we never had one woman self-disaffiliate. Women may have depledged during the NM period every once in awhile, but once initiated, women didn't leave. It's truly disheartening to watch some days.

In any volunteer role I have ever had, I have had zero tolerance for the "omg I'm going to quit." It is usually a cry for attention/drama.

The last email I got that was an "I'm going to quit" email, I simply responded "Ok, the exit form is ____. If you'd like to discuss it email me at xxx."

Your chapter sisters can do the "omg pleaseeeee don't quit" dramatics that you so desire. I will not.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

On a somewhat related note. My University just ran an article re: returning recruitment to TWO WEEKENDS (with a week in between.)

This was the structure while I was active up until like 2008.

In 2008, they went to a TH-SUNDAY model (and two days for Round 1.)

They are returning to 2 weekends with the hope that it will return recruitment to a values-based experience and improve retention.

http://www.kentwired.com/latest_upda...efe86f1f2.html

Thoughts:

1. I do not think it is a bad change but I wonder if the length of a process is really what makes it values based? Values based has to start in the process itself.

2. Even with two weekends, we still had retention issues.

3. The community has obviously grown since the change (added 2 more chapters.)

4. Few are old enough to remember this but the change was aimed at keeping PNMs from dropping out of recruitment during that week in between.Commuter-y school. Greek community and recruitment itself was smaller. Girls would be unhappy with their parties on that Sunday for Philanthropy and drop. Or get House Tours invites they did not want and drop. There was a struggle to retain PNMs when there were only like 120 of them to begin with.

The phrase “values based” makes me absolutely stabby.

When I saw this on your FB I didn’t click the link and thought it meant spacing out parties throughout the week. Two weekends seems like it’ll be the exact same amount of time, so what’s the point?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

The phrase “values based” makes me absolutely stabby.

When I saw this on your FB I didn’t click the link and thought it meant spacing out parties throughout the week. Two weekends seems like it’ll be the exact same amount of time, so what’s the point?

Two weeks is the exact amount of time. With just a week in between. The goal is that the decision will be based more on values rather than the extras - because you added a week in between. Yes. I know.

I am not anti-basing recruitment on things like our values and steering PNMs toward making decisions on things other than superficial factors. BUT.

A time frame does not change the focus of an event. The people have to.