I'm in Desperate Need of Advice

[shadokat]

This is going to be my upfront nature coming out, but why would you want to be a part of a sorority that has women who were so rude to you? What is it about this sorority that you can look past girls being complete bitches to you and want to join? I get that everyone isn't going to be your best friend, but if these girls really do hate you, and they're pulling that type of crap now, I would say with a lot of certainty that they'll make sure you're not on the bid list .

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by shadokat

This is going to be my upfront nature coming out, but why would you want to be a part of a sorority that has women who were so rude to you? What is it about this sorority that you can look past girls being complete bitches to you and want to join? I get that everyone isn't going to be your best friend, but if these girls really do hate you, and they're pulling that type of crap now, I would say with a lot of certainty that they'll make sure you're not on the bid list .

SO much YES about this post....

[APhi2KD]

The things that stand out to me are:
**(like others have said) why would want the sorority with the mean girls you described? And if they behave as you say, they may have just as much fun sabotaging you during rush as they do at the coffee house. Don’t write this, or ANY sorority off your list—be just as excited to be at their party as your least favorite house. But do NOT be expecting a different outcome.

**

Originally Posted by laceyPNM

it was raining, so I didn’t do much in way of appearance, because I knew the rain would ruin it anyway (from an appearance standpoint, anyway). My school provides shirts that we HAVE to wear, and I’m still not totally sure how to pair jewelry and shorts, skirts, or pants with them. Shoes aren’t necessarily an issue.

While I understand the thought process, EFFORT MATTERS. Even if you walk in and they all start humming MacArthur Park, you’ve gotta give it your all. It doesn’t matter that you are magically water-repellent, it matters that you know how to put your best foot forward. The t-shirts can be a blessing or a curse. There are still ways to find your best look, though. Focus on what you can control and make those pieces impeccable. The right bottoms, the right shoes, jewelry, etc. If tees and shorts is what you have to work with, find shorts that fit you best, are most flattering, etc. Start now. Find the best pair of shorts and get them in a few different colors so you can choose the most complimentary color for each shirt.

Climate—southern? If so, there are some great articles on how to survive the heat. A good setting spray, waterproof mascara, battery-op fans, etc. And hydrating well the week before rush begins.

Jewelry—some places it’s still a big NO to wear a watch to rush parties. Jewelry is pretty simple (minimalistic) right now, but you can still tweak it. Are you in a Kendra Scott uniform zone? Might a (non-noisy) charm bracelet with charms that lend themselves to conversation help you out the first night? Think about options.

**you mentioned being so certain you would be getting a bid from some houses. As you now know to never take anything for granted, be sure your demeanor and “tent talk” doesn’t betray you. Don’t act over or under confident. Be nothing but cheerful.

**Remember you’re looking for sisters, not Instagram props.

**Feel brave, because you are!!

[granipc]

"Are you in a Kendra Scott uniform zone?"

This cracked.me.up.

But all excellent advice...

[Alpha O]

Originally Posted by laceyPNM

I’m afraid that I’ll go through again and be released just like the last time. Both events at the sororities I had Sisterhood Night with the night before I was released were amazing. The events went flawlessly, and I honestly thought that I was *almost* guaranteed a spot at one of them. I’m an outgoing person, so personality and conversation is never an issue, but I suppose it could come across as fake even though it’s not. Looking back, there was nothing I would have changed that night.

I realize that you think that personality and conversations are not issues for you, but I think that it's worth working on this aspect considering that you were released last year. Good conversation and personality are the two most important factors you have to convey during recruitment.

I'm not sure what you are up to this summer, but if you can put yourself in situations in which you interact with people you've never interacted with before, that might help with conversations. If someone is comfortable having a pleasant conversation with a total stranger then they are definitely ready for recruitment (e.g. the person standing in line with you at the coffee shop, sitting next to you on the bus/train, your uber driver, etc).

You might think about striking up a random conversation with someone you don't know that well and see how it goes. Don't put any pressure on yourself, just try to have fun.

Originally Posted by laceyPNM

Another could be that I didn’t have any rec letters. No one in my family is or has ever been Greek, and my cousins that went to college didn’t hang out with the Greek crowd. I didn’t realize that I needed letters, but I have them for this year, I hope. I’ve emailed and sent mail to local alumnae chapters and my mom realized that some of her clients are, or have family, that were Greek. I will have rec letters this time, hopefully.

Get those rec letters for each house!

Originally Posted by laceyPNM

I asked one of my coworkers, who is a senior in a sorority on campus what goes on behind the scenes (I’m not sure she was supposed to tell me), but she said that in a few instances, looks and attractiveness matters. So, the dancer in me immediately starts looking for my flaws. I’m not necessarily the thinnest or the prettiest, I’m average, so if that is the issue, then I’ll probably be released again.

Looks are, unfortunately, your first impression. You don't have to be a beauty queen by any means, but you want to look well put together and confident. This is what will make your first impression when you meet sisters and may influence how the conversation proceeds. I'd say it's less about how attractive you are and more about how put together and confident you are, if that makes sense.

Originally Posted by laceyPNM

And the shirts aren't totally unfortunate, but they don't really help either. They are Comfort Colors and the ones we had were an ugly seafoam green, faded navy blue, and a rust-red that showed sweat (but it was raining the whole week too, so that wasn't a huge issue).

Do what you can with your outfits--spend time on your hairstyle, make-up, accessories, shoes, and shorts. It sounds like everyone has to wear the same t-shirts, so you're all in the t-shirt boat together. Nothing you can do about that, and all PNMs are facing the same issue.

Another suggestion would be to look on Pinterest for examples of how to dress up a t-shirt outfit.

Originally Posted by laceyPNM

33Girl, the sororities at my school aren't as large as SEC schools, but they are still 100+, so I'm not overly concerned about the girls that hate me in that sorority, because I still have friends in that one too, I'm just not sure how much weight each girls' opinion of me will carry.

No one can speak to the specifics of this because membership selection is private and differs amongst GLOs. However, keep in mind that in any group setting, a small but vocal minority can have a large influence on the group.

If these girls dislike you enough to go out of their way to disrespect and bully you at your place of work, it seems likely that they will use any trick in the book to keep you off of their bid list. I completely agree with what previous posters have said about that.

I also wonder the same thing as previous posters re: why do you want to be a part of a group that has members who treat others in this way? You say you have other friends in this group, which is fine, but have you thought about how the girls who seem dislike you might treat you after you get a bid? In all likelihood, their behavior will not change and you may overhear them talking about you at meetings or bullying you in other ways. I'm sorry to bring this up so bluntly, but why would you want to join a sisterhood in which there is a contingent of girls who are out to bully you? And what in the world makes you think that their behavior would change if you joined their sisterhood?