Quote:
Originally Posted by NerdyGreek
I felt a connection to my sorority when I pledged. While I wasn't best friends with all of my sisters (and downright despised one of them), I was close with many, many of them. These are women that I still see and consider my friends. My daughter doesn't see those same bonds of sisterhood among even the upperclassmen. One of the sisters told her she loves hanging out at the house because she's always meeting new sisters she hasn't met before, which she didn't think sounded like such a good thing. How can you consider it a sisterhood when you haven't even met everyone?!
Maybe the issue is mega chapters that are bigger than a lot of high school graduating classes. I found "my people" in my graduating class, but despite sharing a lot of common experiences, I feel absolutely no connection to all the other graduates of my high school the same year. It starts to feel like random groups of people put together.
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Several thoughts while reading your posts:
1. I'm struggling with how you and your daughter are SO surprised by the dynamics within a 400+ member chapter. It's easy to find the new member class sizes over the past few years for her campus so why did either of you have the expectation that 1) she would instantly bond with her whole 100-180 member pledge class and that 2) all 400 women in the chapter would be bff's. Her sorority experience in a 400 member chapter is going to be completely different than whatever shall chapter you were part of in college.
2. Because the chapters are so large, there really isn't a "stereotype" for each chapter like the campus you attended. Even chapters that are "known" for "only" pledging girls from certain Mississippi towns or high schools now have 50% out of state members. That's why we say if you can't find a group of 10 girls to be bff's with in a pledge class of 100-180 women, it's your problem, not theirs. There are literally all kinds of women in each pledge class - partiers, academics, sporty, artistic, cheerleaders, philanthropists, Southerners, Northerners, etc. Your daughter just needs to put herself out there if she wants to have friends in her chapter.
FWIW, I was president of my large (not Ole Miss) chapter and even with 250 members, there were girls whose names I didn't know. If I looked at my 70ish member pledge class Bid Day picture today, I bet I would have trouble recalling the names of about 20 girls. That doesn't take away from the tribe of bff's I made in my chapter, my lil sis who I'm still close to, and the years of memories I made living in the house. It's just life in a big chapter.
3. Honestly, I think the upperclassmen are being truthful saying it's not always "love at first sight" on Bid Day. Rush week is very emotional and often PNM's feel a connection to chapters they don't end up in - that's because those chapters are exceptionally good at what they do, making every girl want to wear their letters. At the end of the day, the women in those chapter(s) felt other pnms were a better fit for their sisterhood than your daughter. That stings, but it's life. Every pnm at OM is practically perfect - grades, awards, social, gorgeous, etc. There is really no difference in the "quality" of women from one chapter to the next.
Unless you pledge a chapter where 20 upperclassmen and 5 of your pledge sisters were all on your hometown drill team, most new members - in ALL houses- feel anxious and unsure. They are starting to realize the upperclassmen won't be fawning all over them anymore (you know, because they have lives and midterms and other activities) and they really don't know anyone in their pledge class. That's where the real work begins. I'm sure your daughter didn't show up to kindergarten or 9th grade with a tribe of built-in bff's and sorority life is no different. It takes time, effort, and shared experiences to build those life-long friendship bonds. It's up to her whether she's up for the task.
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