Something needs to change

[BraveMaroon]

I think that so many people rush thinking they'll have a perfect rush, pledge the *best* sorority, and immediately be surrounded by instant lifelong friends.

Being in a sorority is work. It's a PR campaign, it's time management, and networking, and event planning. Sometimes it's arts and crafts, sometimes it's peer counseling, or first aid. You're an advice columnist, mediator, hostess, fundraiser, and negoitiator. This is on top of being a student. And any offices held or commitees joined...

But learning to work hard together builds friendships worth maintaining. I appreciate the effort I put into it, because I look at the work I did in the 90s and know it paved the way for the young women who will be initiated next month. And I know that I am part of something much bigger with an amazing history.

It's trite, I know. But you will get out of it what you put into it.

[DTD Alum]

She's talking about Ole Miss, just to be clear. The single most brutal recruitment in the US, maybe except for Indiana (just because of the bed rush quota). She's very lucky to get a bid, and from there it's just determining whether she wants to be greek or not.

The chapters that she liked probably had double quota (at least) of in-house legacies and close high school friends going through recruitment. Those chapters weren't really available to anybody without serious connections, and that's nothing on your daughter. That's just life there.

What that does mean though is she's landed in a pledge class full of girls similar to her, non-connected PNMs but who otherwise probably are very similar. The chapters at Ole Miss are ridiculously strong compared to just about any school, and the thought that she's in a sorority of 400+ girls and can't find anyone to connect with I think says more about her perceptions of the chapter's strength in a hierarchy than it does with the actual girls in the chapter.

As for the video you're talking about, that was discussed ad-nauseam
elsewhere and the chapter was instructed to not cheer until every name was read because there were so many names. You can see girls trying to keep in their cheers the whole time. They exploded after the fact. They probably shouldn't have put it public because it's an easy thing to misunderstand.

[IndianaSigKap]

Originally Posted by BraveMaroon

I think that so many people rush thinking they'll have a perfect rush, pledge the *best* sorority, and immediately be surrounded by instant lifelong friends.

Being in a sorority is work. It's a PR campaign, it's time management, and networking, and event planning. Sometimes it's arts and crafts, sometimes it's peer counseling, or first aid. You're an advice columnist, mediator, hostess, fundraiser, and negoitiator. This is on top of being a student. And any offices held or commitees joined...

But learning to work hard together builds friendships worth maintaining. I appreciate the effort I put into it, because I look at the work I did in the 90s and know it paved the way for the young women who will be initiated next month. And I know that I am part of something much bigger with an amazing history.

It's trite, I know. But you will get out of it what you put into it.

Well said, sister. I agree 100%.

[NYCMS]

NerdyGreek, I'm struck by a number of things in your posts - and I agree with my Panhellenic sisters in their responses. A few questions:

1) Did you know how brutally competitive rush at Ole Miss is?
2) Did your daughter have any connections? If not, then being released by many houses is par for the course. No reflection on her, it's the way rush is. Even Ole Miss chapter legacies are cut now (try consoling an OM mom whose daughter was cut from her house...).
3) Re: costs. They were publicized so the cost could have been estimated just using the most expensive cost to be safe.
4) Are you from out of the region with little to no knowledge of Ole Miss and how rush works there? I'm curious what your information was, especially as to the sizes of the chapters. Seems like there were expectations that don't mesh with the reality of sorority life there.

Now, your daughter has the opportunity to learn the lesson of her life: that you don't always get what you want and that life is what you make of it. As others have said, if a girl can't find 10 members to bond with over a semester or two, she's not trying and she likely has an attitude of "I'm too good for this sorority."

I work with counselors in college student counseling centers and repeatedly hear one thing: that kids today expect everything to happen easily and immediately. They've been raised in a "trophy" culture so naturally they expect to get what they want. Technology has made all of us impatient, but kids have grown up with it non-stop.

This is your daughter's best shot at being Greek. Re-rushing as a sophomore at Ole Miss is rarely, if ever, successful, especially since many chapters have a "once cut, always cut" policy.

I hope she will stick it out (if you can afford it) because the benefits last for life and the lessons learned by going forward with commitment will pay benefits in the years to come as well.

[panhelrose]

Originally Posted by BraveMaroon

I think that so many people rush thinking they'll have a perfect rush, pledge the *best* sorority, and immediately be surrounded by instant lifelong friends.

Being in a sorority is work. It's a PR campaign, it's time management, and networking, and event planning. Sometimes it's arts and crafts, sometimes it's peer counseling, or first aid. You're an advice columnist, mediator, hostess, fundraiser, and negoitiator. This is on top of being a student. And any offices held or commitees joined...

But learning to work hard together builds friendships worth maintaining. I appreciate the effort I put into it, because I look at the work I did in the 90s and know it paved the way for the young women who will be initiated next month. And I know that I am part of something much bigger with an amazing history.

It's trite, I know. But you will get out of it what you put into it.

I've never read a truer statement. I WAS that PNM who thought she'd waltz into recruitment and automatically click with the "top" chapter at my university. When I didn't end up at that chapter after a few rounds, I found a new favorite, and luckily ended up with a bid to that group. I love my sisters and my organization with my whole heart, but it has never been effortless. For the past four years I've made the choice to join committees and chair positions, participate in extra activities, and spend time at the house talking with girls I don't know too well because YOU GET OUT OF IT WHAT YOU PUT INTO IT. I was that girl who thought joining a sorority would make everything in my life perfect, but if these past four years have taught me anything, it's that my sorority will still be there for me when I need them, because I have been there for them, even if sometimes that's just showing up.