What to do after being dropped by every house?

[PearlGirl13]

LilyMaddy,

I'm sorry you had such a disappointing recruitment and impressed that you are seeking feedback and quickly regrouping!

Early cuts are typically either due to grades (sounds like you are good there) or first impressions. First impressions are typically impacted by either conversations and/or appearance so let's think about those two.

Conversations - you are seeking a "Goldilocks" level of conversation. Not too much chatter and not too little. Have a few interesting questions ready to go in case there is a lull. If the sister asks you a question follow up with an answer that provides some more information so it doesn't end there.
Ex: Her - What is your major? You - Biology, but I'm not sure yet if I'm interested in veterinary medicine or research. I loved volunteering at the pet rescue this summer!

Practice this sort of thing so you get good at keeping the conversation moving!

Appearance: You definitely don't have to be a 5'7", 115 lb blonde Barbie, but you do need to look put together! Make sure your clothes are flattering and altered to fit your body. Hem those pants and sleeves if needed. Buy the best size for you. Choose outfits that are consistent with what other women are wearing but still reflect your style. You are shooting for nothing too shabby, boring or crazy. Again - ask some friends for input if you are unsure!

Good luck!

[TXDG]

Originally Posted by PearlGirl13

LilyMaddy,

I'm sorry you had such a disappointing recruitment and impressed that you are seeking feedback and quickly regrouping!

Early cuts are typically either due to grades (sounds like you are good there) or first impressions. First impressions are typically impacted by either conversations and/or appearance so let's think about those two.

Conversations - you are seeking a "Goldilocks" level of conversation. Not too much chatter and not too little. Have a few interesting questions ready to go in case there is a lull. If the sister asks you a question follow up with an answer that provides some more information so it doesn't end there.
Ex: Her - What is your major? You - Biology, but I'm not sure yet if I'm interested in veterinary medicine or research. I loved volunteering at the pet rescue this summer!

Practice this sort of thing so you get good at keeping the conversation moving!

Appearance: You definitely don't have to be a 5'7", 115 lb blonde Barbie, but you do need to look put together! Make sure your clothes are flattering and altered to fit your body. Hem those pants and sleeves if needed. Buy the best size for you. Choose outfits that are consistent with what other women are wearing but still reflect your style. You are shooting for nothing too shabby, boring or crazy. Again - ask some friends for input if you are unsure!

Good luck!

The other major factors in early cuts are recs and reputation. OP naively made the correlation that only 13% of the campus being Greek meant recruitment was uncompetitive. There still could have been 1000+ pnms registered for recruitment. Grades and not having a rec are the easiest two things to release women for in early rounds and those pnms being released for grades or no rec were probably on the release list before they even walked into the chapter for Open House. Chapters know a ballpark 1st round release number based on the number of pnms registered and their historical returns and typically have that first release list draft ready before recruitment begins.

Then there is reputation. In the age of social media, it's easy for chapters to "research" pnms on Instagram, SnapChat, etc. I think OP should take a hard look at the image she is projecting on social media to ensure it's how she wants to be seen.

It is pretty rare for a 4.0 pnm to be released by all chapters after Open House so something big went terribly wrong in her situation.

[navane]

If there were 12 chapters at your school and 13% of students are Greek, then it sounds like your campus has a pretty decent-sized recruitment. It may or may not be seen as competitive; but, I'd still venture to say that you might have underestimated the importance of recommendations. For example, a lot of Panhellenic websites won't specifically say that recs are required; but, then some come right out and list the names of the chapters, their addresses and links to the sorority recommendation forms.

Since you sound like you've done a lot of volunteering and research, I bet you know a lot sorority women through school, church, sports, neighbors, etc. Find those sorority women and see if they can write a rec for you next time. Recs are great because they are able to highlight all of your great accomplishments in the letter.

Also, if you have any mitigating factors, like say you have a huge, noticeable scar on your leg from a car accident or something, the rec writer can mention how you overcame the situation to be a successful student. Or, if you're typically kind of shy, your rec writer can mention that you're a bit quiet, but have a really sweet personality and good heart. Get it? That way you might not have to announce, "I tore my leg in a car accident" or "I'm sorry...I"m not sure what to say, I'm shy" at every round.

BUT, you still have to put in the effort, as others have mentioned, to come across as polished and conversational. You did say that going through recruitment was out of your comfort zone and so your demeanor may have reflected that.

Take this year to get involved on campus and make lots of friends. You can always try again during continuous open bidding in the spring (if slots are available) or again next fall. Good luck!

[Lilymaddy]

Thank you everyone who has responded and given me feedback. A few extra details:

Yes, my social media is completely clean. I've never even attended a party.
I worked two jobs in high school but won't be working two jobs in college.
Knowing I can be shy, I watched a lot of advice videos and really put myself out there and tried to always have a smile on my face. Even though I'm shy, I've worked in customer service for a couple of years so I'd like to think I am a decent conversationalist. I guess it probably did come down to recs. I was afraid to ask people in my life for recs because I knew they'd judge me (especially my mom, whom I did not tell I was rushing until after I had registered) for being interested in greek life.

The outfit suggestions for the day were shorts and a t-shirt, jeans and a tank top, or a casual dress. Here's what I wore:

http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/wit-wisd...lusive/4021192

http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/lush-cho...r=VIOLET%20ICE

Anyway, thanks again everyone.

[TXDG]

Originally Posted by Lilymaddy

Thank you everyone who has responded and given me feedback. A few extra details:

Yes, my social media is completely clean. I've never even attended a party.
I worked two jobs in high school but won't be working two jobs in college.
Knowing I can be shy, I watched a lot of advice videos and really put myself out there and tried to always have a smile on my face. Even though I'm shy, I've worked in customer service for a couple of years so I'd like to think I am a decent conversationalist. I guess it probably did come down to recs. I was afraid to ask people in my life for recs because I knew they'd judge me (especially my mom, whom I did not tell I was rushing until after I had registered) for being interested in greek life.

The outfit suggestions for the day were shorts and a t-shirt, jeans and a tank top, or a casual dress. Here's what I wore:

http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/wit-wisd...lusive/4021192

http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/lush-cho...r=VIOLET%20ICE

Anyway, thanks again everyone.

Not to be nosy, but how were you planning to pay for sorority membership and activities without your parents' support? The financial responsibility for each member can easily run $2,000+ per year.

Hopefully you will consider trying again, but with recs this time. I second the recommendation for you to meet with the Greek Life advisor. They will be able to tell you if there are informal opportunities for bids (COB) this year or if you'll need to wait until Fall 2018. In the meantime, keep that GPA high, get involved in a few key campus activities, make friends with sorority women, and get those recs lined up!!

[NYCMS]

Originally Posted by Lilymaddy

I was afraid to ask people in my life for recs because I knew they'd judge me (especially my mom, whom I did not tell I was rushing until after I had registered) for being interested in greek life.

Beyond no recs and sororities' concern about how you'd pay for Greek life (or have time) if they knew you are working two jobs there might have been something else going on related to what you wrote that I quoted:

That because of your fear of family judgement, your "energy" might have seemed "off". Meaning that you want this but you're conflicted. My experience is that when there's an inner conflict then you can come across as a bit off. It's a self-sabotage of sorts. Not that the actives knew what it specifically was, just that something was off, maybe you came off awkward.

I really believe for you to feel really relaxed and happy during rush, you can't have this type of energy going on.

[KSUViolet06]

You have great tangibles but let's be real, at a school like yours I guarantee that every other girl has a high GPA and probably has recs. Pretty? Ok. Tons of girls in recruitment are pretty.

Connections are important. Not even just in the South. Depending on the school, women already know a large percentage of PNMs from high school, dance, cheer, sports, etc. Or just growing up in the same neighborhood.

It matters more than you may think and more than people are at times willing to admit.