Dilemma - to be in friend's wedding, or not

NWguy · #1 03-20-2016, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thetalady

You should never stand up at a wedding when you oppose the marriage. Being a bridesmaid/ groomsman actually does MEAN something. Whether you attend as a guest is your decision... assuming that you are invited, which may not happen.

I appreciate that. I've pretty much decided that I won't go through with it, I'm just trying to decide whether to tell him in person or by phone. I don't know what his reaction will be.

33girl · #2 03-20-2016, 08:35 PM

Your friendship is already damaged. I wouldn't be surprised if you were a "concession" and there's someone in the pipeline (her choice, of course) in case you turn it down.

Tell him in person. If he asks why, be honest and say you truly don't feel welcome where she is concerned. I mean....you guys are not 21. Anyone who tries to cut out their partner's friends at this point in life is bad news (unless it's a legit reason like substance abuse) and maybe this will wake him up.

One of my more popular and rowdy sisters got married and a group of us went for the wedding. During the reception they showed a video with their separate lives up to the wedding and then them together. There were NO photos of her with sisters at all - even though there were two tables full of us. We were all offended and had no doubt it was the groom's doing. She is no longer married to this douche, thank heaven.

thetalady · #3 03-20-2016, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NWguy

I appreciate that. I've pretty much decided that I won't go through with it, I'm just trying to decide whether to tell him in person or by phone. I don't know what his reaction will be.

If this were my good friend, I would tell him privately, in person. Think carefully in advance about what you want to say to him. His reaction will be his reaction. Nothing you can really do about that. I would definitely refrain from saying anything really nasty about the fiance. After all, he IS marrying her, so assume he loves her and will take her "side".

NWguy · #4 03-21-2016, 01:03 AM

Thanks for the replies and advice, everyone!

Yes, I will tell him in person. At first, I thought about inviting him to lunch or dinner. But as was recommended, it's probably best to tell him in private. I'd actually love to go to his bachelor party, but we'll see what happens after I talk with him.

AnchorAlumna · #5 03-21-2016, 11:57 AM

I'm going to take the opposite side.
You're not marrying his fiancee; he is.
You're there to support the groom. And Lord knows, he may need a lot of support.

OPhiAGinger · #6 03-21-2016, 11:53 PM

I'm with Anchor Alum. Standing up with him means you support YOUR FRIEND, not that you endorse the wedding. Because basically unless he comes to you and asks you directly if you think this marriage is a good idea... only then do you offer your opinion. He has already expressed his opinion by proposing (or accepting the proposal if she was the one who pitched) but if he's a good friend, stand by him. If/when this union hits the skids, he needs to know who his friends are.