still single....

[ASUADPi]

Someone asked me about adoption- I would love to adopt. There are so many children that need good homes. But I would like to have my own child. I want to experience pregnancy and childbirth and everything that comes with it (as weird as that sounds).

Thank you for all the kind words and support.

[ADPiEE]

I had a long post typed up and my cat walked across the keyboard and deleted it :/

Bottom line, everyone has already given you great advice and encouragement. I just wanted to send you some sisterly support too!

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by ADPiEE

I had a long post typed up and my cat walked across the keyboard and deleted it :/

Bottom line, everyone has already given you great advice and encouragement. I just wanted to send you some sisterly support too!

Like!

I never wanted anything as much as being a wife and mother (okay, and the writer of the Great American Novel). Nothing. I married a man who told me that he wanted the same thing for me, and it was a complete and utter disaster.

Four years after the ink was dry on the divorce papers, I met Mr. Right. I didn't think so at the time, and it took five years for us to realize that we were better together than alone - but it took us another ten years to actually marry. We both had at least one parent who needed us, and the long distance thing was horrible. When my mother died, I knew that it was a matter of time before I moved (still don't love Chicago, but that's another story).

My advice: life doesn't always happen the way we want it. Both of us wanted a child of our own, but we're now not even in the position to adopt. I'm unemployed, we're feeling the financial pinch, but guess what? We both feel that getting married was the best move we ever made. It didn't make sense, we didn't meet the ideals that we had for a mate, but it works.

Where did I look for a mate? I went to churches, especially the older singles groups or divorce groups. No, you haven't divorced, but you'll learn a lot about life after thirty & forty. Maybe you're meant to be a stepmother - NOT the Disney kind, but a real, loving stepmother. I attended conventions and clubs in things that interested me - and I met my DH at a soccer convention. I let everyone I knew that I was open to be introduced to single guys.

And if you're sincerely interested in sports, I could probably introduce you to a few of DH's single friends. They're good, solid men who are responsible, have good standards, and are employed. No, they're not millionaires, but if you're interested, let me know. Maybe you, polarpi, & I can get together....

We'll be praying for you!

[DrPhil]

I read something about the assumption regarding women and regret. Every time women think for ourselves, ignore the naysayers, and choose a life that works for us, we are told we are going counter to the life script and "you will regret it." Men are most often trusted to know what the hell they are doing with their lives.

Humans are social creatures (including introverts) so it isn't shocking to let what people say get to you to some extent. That includes if you use what people say as illustrations of why your choices are what's best for you.

This thread only has women posters which is indicative of how gendered this topic is. Men tend not to encounter this issue to the extent that women encounter.

[StealthMode]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

This thread only has women posters which is indicative of how gendered this topic is.

I noticed that as well.

[I2K BetaMu]

Originally Posted by 33girl

ASUADPi, don't take this the wrong way but if you feel like the virginity issue is hanging you up/holding you back, you might want to see about a sex surrogate. Sex and love don't always equate and it might be healthy to separate the two.

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

It's a professional. They work with a client and a therapist to make it happen for the client.

I think there was a movie about this recently with Helen Hunt.

Hold the hell up. They got a dude who ass taps for a living? LOL! So basically, dude can come in to fill out the application, turn in a resume and medical history, and if they think dude is cool, he would get a job like that? If I would have known about this before I tied the knot, I would have interviewed for that position a long time ago. Free ass, and then to get paid to hit it? goddamn LOL!

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by I2K BetaMu

Hold the hell up. They got a dude who ass taps for a living? LOL! So basically, dude can come in to fill out the application, turn in a resume and medical history, and if they think dude is cool, he would get a job like that? If I would have known about this before I tied the knot, I would have interviewed for that position a long time ago. Free ass, and then to get paid to hit it? goddamn LOL!

Hey, prostitution has been around for a looong time.

Seriously, though; am I reading this whole "professional" thing right? How is that legal? Or is it..?

[I2K BetaMu]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Hey, prostitution has been around for a looong time.

Seriously, though; am I reading this whole "professional" thing right? How is that legal? Or is it..?

LOL Exactly. I feel you AST. I look at prostitution as illegal, although it shouldn't be. But the way I'm reading what was posted is a dude or dudes who work for a company that females can call who want to have a shorty, but are having a hard time meeting a cool dude who would hit it and give them the shorty. I wonder how they would charge.

First nut I bust is $350.00. If I gotta bust two more back to back nuts, that's $1,000.00 LOL!!!

[ADPiEE]

So ASUAdpi, I'm guessing this isn't where you thought this thread would go

Dr. Phil, loved the video...a little too much truth to it though

[DrPhil]

Indeed.

The season premiere of "Being Mary Jane" that I watched this evening (rerun) also reminded me of this thread. That is no slight to ASUADPi and what she shared. I am talking about the overall thread. "Being Mary Jane" is like a "life script" version of the show "Scandal". An accomplished woman who, despite her accomplishments, she's an emotional wreck (despite how much she tries to keep her mind right for the sake of other people) and her life is in shambles. She is waiting around for men and keeps a man's sperm in her freezer without his consent.

"Free your miiiiiiiiind and the rest will follow"
~En Vogue

[ADPiEE]

Dr. Phil, I wasn't referring to your post when I mentioned the interesting thread direction--I meant the posts above yours. I mean no disrespect to that poster either, just thought it was interesting.

I'm going to have to check out the show you're talking about.

As I'm in middle life right now, I've also noticed another issue. It seems no matter how accomplished or talented a woman is, she is still very much judged by her looks, weight and ability to keep looking young. When I say judged, I mean by other women, men, employers, family, etc. and even herself. In some ways this is changing for the better but it's still there.

I do not see this with men as much. It seems men are judged more by their income or professional/social status.

[DrPhil]

Men aren't judged as harshly. They can be ugly as sin and believe they are God's gift. Men's "worth" increases with age. And in most personal and professional fields men's "worth" increases with decreases in aesthetic value. They are taken more seriously in many realms and led to believe they will find a life partner regardless. There are a few commercials that cast pretty women and average (or ugly) and older men to highlight how the pressure to look good tends to be on the woman whereas the pressure to be smart and successful is usually on the man. There is one commercial in particular that gets on my nerves.

[ASUADPi]

ADPiEE- I'm right there with you sister! When you have society telling women that they must be a size 2-4 to be considered beautiful, how do I compete with that when I'm overweight. I hate the way I look which I know corresponds to my unhappiness of being single. All I see on TV and in magazine are super skinny women. Even if I wouldn't consider them at all attractive, they are in the eyes of men and society because they are skinny.

There is so much pressure on women to look younger than they are. There is so much pressure on women to be smaller than the average size 12. We can't compete.

DrPhil-I would LOVE to see a commercial with an average women and a hot guy, but as if that is going to happen.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by ASUADPi

DrPhil-I would LOVE to see a commercial with an average women and a hot guy, but as if that is going to happen.

Remember all the hue and cry over the Girls episode when she hooked up with Patrick Wilson?

[ASUADPi]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Remember all the hue and cry over the Girls episode when she hooked up with Patrick Wilson?

I've actually never seen that show.

Patrick Wilson=Yummy