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I know it's hard (I'm a parent too) but let you daughter take the lead with this. Tell her you're there to help her if she needs it and wait until she asks. Imagine how you would help her out if she were going on a job interview. Take her shopping, proof read her resume for typos, be there to listen and support, etc.
If you need recs and can't find them, register with your local city Panhellenic. They will help you find recs usually. If you're in a smaller town or suburb, contact Panhellenic in the closest city. You can suggest to her to contact a Panhellenic group but let her be the one to contact them.
A good "life lesson" she'll learn is that stereotypes are just that--stereotypes (not reality). Yes there are less than classy girls and mean girls that join sororities but there is also every other type of girl in every sorority on campus. Sororities are so big these days that no matter where she ends up, she'll be able to find friends and girls she "clicks" with.
A note about clothing--if your daughter isn't into Lilly, she shouldn't wear it. Keep the "job interview" analogy in mind again. The brand doesn't really matter--stick to classic, well fitting clothes that she feels confident in. I think all SEC schools put out a "what to wear each day" guide and you can normally find it on the school's Panhellenic website.
Good luck to your daughter and don't stress!
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