I am starting to feel so jaded about "sisterhood."

[TEAtime]

Originally Posted by superbity

So I'm a shy person. Not completely timid, but it takes me a while to feel comfortable around people and open up and just be myself. The only girls I really feel like I can be myself around in this house are my big and my current roommate. Whenever I try to open and and hang out with other girls in the chapter, I get brushed off IMMEDIATELY. Like if they're laughing about something in the kitchen, and I go and try to join in they kind of shut-down. They're still polite, but it's like they obviously don't really want me there.

I don't know what I did to deserve this. Yeah I'm kind of shy but I haven't even been given a CHANCE to get to know them and open up and be myself because they just dismiss me. I'm a sophomore, and like I said I only really am close to two girls in the house. I joined last spring as a COB, and I remember trying hard to open up and get to know girls, but it's like when they saw I was a little shy they just dismissed me and moved on to the louder, funnier COBs.

Today is the Saturday before finals week at my school. The sorority house closes on Friday at 6 PM, but for reasons I won't go into I'm not able to leave town until Monday morning. So I posted on our sorority facebook page essentially begging someone who's staying over the summer to let me stay with them for 3 nights, saying "I know it's such a huge favor so I would be eternally grateful, and you won't even know I'm there because I have my car and places to go." NO response. It's a really active Facebook group. About ten minutes after I posted, another girl posted saying "like this post if you're staying over the summer! so we know who's in town and we can hang out!" Immediately, like 30 girls liked it.

Then last night I started individually messaging people that I had heard were staying in town, asking them really nicely if they would be willing to let me stay with them. 1/2 the girls I ask are actually going home for a few weeks after the semester. The other half are ignoring my message. I can see they saw it, it says "seen at __:__."

I'm honestly just feeling so jaded about this whole sorority thing. If a girl in the chapter asked me if she could stay with me for a few days, I would say yes even if it was a girl I didn't know that well. Even if I didn't know her well and we weren't similar people, I would try to help her because she's my sister. And I definitely wouldn't ignore her message, knowing she could see that I saw it. I don't know why I'm posting this here, I guess I'm just feeling really upset and needed somewhere to let it out..

As an introvert, I understand exactly where you're coming from. But, as an introvert, there are also lots of things you've got to learn about social interactions. We're only getting your persective here, which is to be expected, but try to see things as your sisters may be experiencing the situation.

From what you posted, it's not obvious that they're dismissing you (although that's how it feels to you). It's not unusual for people to stop laughing or talking about a joke when someone not involved comes around; that doesn't mean they don't want you there.

No one's going to give you a chance; if you want something, go out and get it. I don't know what you plan to do after college, but it sounds like you're in the right place to learn how to build relationships and negotiate uncomfortable situations. Those are invaluable skills for surviving in the work force.

I wouldn't have responded to your message on FB. I might have even been offended that we've lived in the same space all this time, you haven't gotten to know me, and now you want to come stay with me for a few days (but you can't ask me to my face?). You're upset and that's valid. You had an expectation of what sisterhood would look like (couch sharing), but maybe your sisters have other expectations (forming bonds?).

Try not to get too jaded. This situation is more about navigating social situations than it is about sororities, IMNSHO. Have you talked to your big about how you're feeling?

Good luck with finals! Exchange numbers with some of your sisters and keep in touch over the summer. Add Quiet or other books about introversion (with a focus on women) to your summer reading list. Come back in August ready to hit the ground running.