Reasons NOT to pledge a sorority?

[HQWest]

1 or 2 recs per house is fine for my SEC school -

[Katmandu]

I would add to all of these wonderful and insightful comments that if you don't value women--women as friends, leaders, colleagues, then sorority life will be frustrating. If you only hang out with men, find friendships with women silly, difficult or a waste of time, prefer to be the only girl in a group of guys, then seriously think about spending your college years deeply immersed in a women's organization.

If you cannot tolerate being around people--I'm not talking introversion, but really if you prefer to be alone, Garbo-style, then consider carefully. Sorority life is a community experience.

[TriDeltaSallie]

Actually, the introversion point is a good one - especially as it relates to living in the house.

I am a huge introvert. I love people, but if I don't get a few hours a day to myself I really suffer. I lived at home and commuted during college. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was the best thing I could have done in terms of being an introvert. When rush sessions were done, I hopped in my car and drove fifteen minutes to my quiet room in my quiet house. When chapter and standards were over, I decompressed on my way home to my quiet room. If I had lived in the sorority house and had roommates to deal with... Wouldn't have been optimal at all.

If I had been in a sorority that required me to live in, I don't think I would have enjoyed it. But because I lived at home I was not required to live in. I hadn't really thought about this before, but a big introvert in a busy sorority house could be a recipe for some serious challenges.

[BAckbOwlsgIrl]

I would add to all of these wonderful and insightful comments that if you don't value women--women as friends, leaders, colleagues, then sorority life will be frustrating. If you only hang out with men, find friendships with women silly, difficult or a waste of time, prefer to be the only girl in a group of guys, then seriously think about spending your college years deeply immersed in a women's organization.

I am going to disagree on this. I know several women, myself included, who always had a ton of male friends. For the most part, my only female friends were from the sorority. I remember my sorority sisters looking at me strange because I would study with a bunch of guys. Sure, I had friends from my classes but most were guys. And, yes, to this day, I do find some of the women friendships from the sorority silly. But, there are others that I love.

In a way, I am agreeing with you but in a different way; I joined a sorority because I wanted a diverse group of friends, to reach out to women friends.

[Katmandu]

^^^^Like you, I have (and always have had) a lot of male friends. I was really speaking of women who don't really like having women friends and/or when they do have women friends tend to undermine them, one-up them, or engage in passive agressive behavior. This is an interesting thread.

I work in an all male and sexist environment, and sometimes get raised eyebrows when I wear my pin, or mention sorority life. Get "elitist" or "par-tay" comments. I always say, "yea, an organization that provides leadership training, interview and life skills, training in manners and etiquette, and grounding in how to engage in effective philanthropic initiatives.... yes, that's to be ridiculed for sure!"

[sigmagirl10]

Originally Posted by BadCat25

You will have to accept that a certain amount of conformity is involved. You will be expected to dress and act like an SEC sorority girl. No wearing a nose ring or dying your hair purple or acting like a slut.

I think these are pretty extreme examples, but BadCat25 is onto something there. Joining a sorority involves a certain level of conformity. No, we are not going to make you give up the person you are and be exactly like us--that is a patently false stereotype. But if you have a problem with having rules and regulations control certain aspects of your life (like when and how you can speak in a chapter meeting, what is appropriate behavior while at a fraternity mixer, and how you must dress for the sister side of recruitment, for example) is a problem for you, then sorority life is probably not for you. If the idea of having someone tell you that you can't wear that color of nail polish for philanthropy round and that your dress is too short for pref and dancing on the pole at the party last night made the chapter look bad...well, that's something to think about, at a bare minimum.

My chapter had a sister choose to disaffiliate because she felt that there was too much structure (i.e. being given super-reasonable, room-for-self-expression dress guidelines for recruitment, being expected to attend a meeting at the same time every Monday, and being reminded that her actions reflected back on the chapter).

Just some food for thought.

[irishpipes]

Originally Posted by gee_ess

Good advice by LowCSharp - I love the McDonald's in France analogy. BUT you need to start NOW getting your ducks in a row.

From what I have learned on here, the whole "recs are the end all be all" scenario is foreign to the west coast. So you may have a hard time finding recs and getting these women to understand how important they are for your success.

Start compiling a list of women who are alumnae of the groups on your campus, reaching out to them to let them know you are planning to go through recruitment, etc. It may take a while to find 3 - 5 for each house and have them mailed in by July 1.

Out of state PNMs who are going to highly competitive schools like those in the SEC not only have trouble finding recs, but like you alluded to here, the recs they do get may not be as helpful because they may come from alumnae who dont know how to write them.

I helped a PNM get recs from some Panhellenic friends of mine a few years back - PNM was going to Alabama. At a later date, one of those rec writers joked to me that she found that girl's rec in a pile of junk - she had never mailed it. The rec writer was from the upper Midwest and knew about recs but had no idea how important they are at Bama, and that she screwed this PNM at her sorority's chapter.

I think when a PNM is in a situation like the OP's, she might mention to her rec writers that recs are absolutely essential at her school. The writer likely will not know that.

[adpiucf]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

I helped a PNM get recs from some Panhellenic friends of mine a few years back - PNM was going to Alabama. At a later date, one of those rec writers joked to me that she found that girl's rec in a pile of junk - she had never mailed it. The rec writer was from the upper Midwest and knew about recs but had no idea how important they are at Bama, and that she screwed this PNM at her sorority's chapter.

No offense intended to you, and complete offense intended toward the rec writer in this instance-- what an irresponsible person to promise, not follow through, and then laugh about it later. That is an atypical scenario, but I agree with your statement that it is up to the PNM to follow up with her rec writer on the deadlines, to check to make sure the rec was mailed, and to follow up after recruitment as a courtesy.

So to the OP: don't join a sorority if you're one of those people who doesn't follow through on her promises. Per the above example, they can't all be weeded out, but sometimes people like that can really harm a sorority working toward a common goal.

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by gee_ess

Good advice by LowCSharp - I love the McDonald's in France analogy. BUT you need to start NOW getting your ducks in a row.

From what I have learned on here, the whole "recs are the end all be all" scenario is foreign to the west coast. So you may have a hard time finding recs and getting these women to understand how important they are for your success.

Start compiling a list of women who are alumnae of the groups on your campus, reaching out to them to let them know you are planning to go through recruitment, etc. It may take a while to find 3 - 5 for each house and have them mailed in by July 1.

Regarding the bolded, depending on where you are on the West Coast, there may be SEC sorority alumnae living in the area. I am in the Bay Area and there are quite a lot SEC sorority alumnae here. Greeks, in general, tend to be involved with their college alumni associations.

So not only could one contact west coast panhellenic alumnae groups, try contacting SEC Alumni clubs or chapters in/near your area as well. There should be a listing of chapters on the school's alumni page.

Also, University of Southern California (USC) alumnae know all too well about recommendations. And they don’t all live in Southern California.

[irishpipes]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

No offense intended to you, and complete offense intended toward the rec writer in this instance-- what an irresponsible person to promise, not follow through, and then laugh about it later. That is an atypical scenario, but I agree with your statement that it is up to the PNM to follow up with her rec writer on the deadlines, to check to make sure the rec was mailed, and to follow up after recruitment as a courtesy.

So to the OP: don't join a sorority if you're one of those people who doesn't follow through on her promises. Per the above example, they can't all be weeded out, but sometimes people like that can really harm a sorority working toward a common goal.

Part of my point is that the rec writer was from a background where recs weren't essential, so she didn't really understand that what she did potentially really hurt this PNM. She was thinking of recs as something nice to have but not all that important. If your rec writer went to a place like Bama they know how important it is. Just because someone is an alumna doesn't mean they know a lot about the details of recruitment, or recruitment at different chapters. This was a group that doesn't have much presence here, so a PNM would struggle to find anyone to write a rec for them. I felt so bad about it all. Anyway, just sayin that local PNMs might have an easier time securing strong recs than out-of-staters, although that is a generalization.

[gee_ess]

Originally Posted by TSteven

Regarding the bolded, depending on where you are on the West Coast, there may be SEC sorority alumnae living in the area. I am in the Bay Area and there are quite a lot SEC sorority alumnae here. Greeks, in general, tend to be involved with their college alumni associations.

So not only could one contact west coast panhellenic alumnae groups, try contacting SEC Alumni clubs or chapters in/near your area as well. There should be a listing of chapters on the school's alumni page.

Also, University of Southern California (USC) alumnae know all too well about recommendations. And they don’t all live in Southern California.

Great idea, TSteven! I love this!

HQWest -
My suggestion regarding 3 - 5 recs is an insurance policy against the alum that irishpipes referenced. I always tell my pnms to get more than they need because you never know who is not going to come through for you. And, 3 - 5 would be typical for Arkansas and others in the SEC - especially for an out of state girl who needs to land on the radar because no one in the house knows her.

[MaryPoppins]

OP: There are a lot of SEC Information Threads on Greek Chat that are school specific. There are even school specific Rush Stories written after the fact. Go read some of the threads about your school, and see if that help you to have more specific questions for us.

[WCsweet<3]

There are quite a few alumnae from SEC schools even in Portland. I'm on Alumnae Panhellenic and it is rather surprising how few are from the Oregon schools.

[ADPi95]

Originally Posted by sigmagirl10

I think these are pretty extreme examples, but BadCat25 is onto something there. Joining a sorority involves a certain level of conformity. No, we are not going to make you give up the person you are and be exactly like us--that is a patently false stereotype. But if you have a problem with having rules and regulations control certain aspects of your life (like when and how you can speak in a chapter meeting, what is appropriate behavior while at a fraternity mixer, and how you must dress for the sister side of recruitment, for example) is a problem for you, then sorority life is probably not for you. If the idea of having someone tell you that you can't wear that color of nail polish for philanthropy round and that your dress is too short for pref and dancing on the pole at the party last night made the chapter look bad...well, that's something to think about, at a bare minimum.

My chapter had a sister choose to disaffiliate because she felt that there was too much structure (i.e. being given super-reasonable, room-for-self-expression dress guidelines for recruitment, being expected to attend a meeting at the same time every Monday, and being reminded that her actions reflected back on the chapter).

Just some food for thought.

I'd be curious to see how this individual handled a job post-college. Dress codes, expected to be on time, actions reflect on the company/org...

[HQWest]

Gee-ess
- if I had 5 recs each for 1400 women I wouldnt have any place to put them? Someone still has to read them?

Asking 2 each so you have a back up is probably fine - you might ask for more if there is one special group, and you know lots of members