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3 girls from my daughter's high school went to the same out of state college. All 3 girls went through recruitment. 2 received bids to the same "top house" according to the girls. The 3rd girl, Jane, had researched and researched prior to recruitment and wanted only this same "top house". She didn't get the "top house", instead she received a bid to what she felt was a "bottom house". She didn't accept and this was the beginning of a horrible first freshman semester for her.
We hear stories of girls not getting their first, second, or even third pick. They may initially think their bid is the worst house ever but given a chance they realize "Hey, this isn't so bad. I actually like these girls. I'm actually happy." Unfortunately this girl had a difficult time watching her two hs friends so happy in their house and she felt excluded and lonely. Add homesickness, loneliness and the disappointment of recruitment and she had a very difficult first semester. She's now home attending CC and looking to attend an in-state school.
I asked a mutual friend if she thought Jane would have been happy if she had accepted the bid to the "bottom house". She said "No, Jane would always feel the house was inferior to her. That's Jane." Some girls are able to handle the rejection or disappointment easier than others. Some aren't. Maturity happens at different times for these young ladies and part of maturity is handling difficult situations.
My Debbie wanted to go to school out of state because she wanted something different and because she didn't want to go to college with the same HS people. I told her that was fine but she needed to commit to a year and give it a chance. I told her it was going to be different, she'd be homesick, etc. but give it more than a cursory chance. I think that's what's so hard for these kids sometimes - they are unwilling to give it more than a cursory chance. Some are looking for the immediate fix, the immediate glory.
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