Legacy was released - Sad Momma!

[AZTheta]

This is a powerful thread; the loving advice, sincere empathy and comfort (without being rainbow-blowing or treacly) from your Panhellenic sisters is awesome. I look at the user names and am pleased to see that you're getting responses across the board from NPC women. I'm adding this thread to my "file of threads to bump at recruitment time".

The whole "statistics" of recruitment itself is mind-blowing. I see legacies go in every direction here at Arizona. Sometimes we meet a legacy and fall in love with her and the feeling is not reciprocated. It works both ways; a legacy loves the chapter, but it doesn't fall out that way. I've seen sisters of actives go to different chapters. It happens, and we all adjust. Your daughter is happy now; and you are a classy woman to take the high road. There are many NPC women who throw fits and say "I'm never supporting (insert name of chapter here) again, how could they do this, blah blah blah".

Give time time. Don't wallow in this; day by day, the hurt will lessen. It works that way.
As I often say: things happen for a reason, and that reason is for ultimate good. Please come back and update us on how your daughter is doing and how you are doing also.

[agzg]

I don't have a lot to add since I don't have a legacy, but you seem pretty reasonable and I'm confident that once the sting wears off, you'll enjoy having a daughter who's an AOII. For the very simple fact that looking for panda stuff is going to be really fun.

Don't compare your daughter and the other women you wrote recs for - sometimes it's less about resumes and more about "fit." I doubt they're punishing you, though - you have to remember that these women are 18-23, and probably have no idea about your level of involvement with your group.

I'd take some time to think about things, and maybe get back involved with your organization through alumnae groups after a while. Maybe watching your daughter connect with her own organization will inspire you to reconnect. Maybe it won't. But best of luck to her as she gets to know a fabulous organization!

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by agzg

Don't compare your daughter and the other women you wrote recs for - sometimes it's less about resumes and more about "fit." I doubt they're punishing you, though - you have to remember that these women are 18-23, and probably have no idea about your level of involvement with your group.

This. It's possible that the legacy chapter were the campus jocks and your daughter was more tge studious type so they knew she'd be a better XYZ. Certain groups also release women who they know are going to be snapped up by the most popular group, and they don't want to try and compete. There are so many variables.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by agzg

I don't have a lot to add since I don't have a legacy, but you seem pretty reasonable and I'm confident that once the sting wears off, you'll enjoy having a daughter who's an AOII. For the very simple fact that looking for panda stuff is going to be really fun.

My favorite panda tshirt is currently $9.99 at Threadless:





http://www.threadless.com/product/58...ys/style,shirt

[agzg]

Originally Posted by KDCat

My favorite panda tshirt is currently $9.99 at Threadless:





http://www.threadless.com/product/58...ys/style,shirt

It took me forever to figure out how this was panda related.

/stupid.

[irishpipes]

Originally Posted by ZetaWJC

Additionally, several of the girls had no rec letters and received bids.

Your daughter's friends may have had recs that they weren't aware of. In fact, since this is an SEC school, I would almost assume that they did. A lot of bad information gets thrown around during the emotional time of recruitment.

I'm glad your daughter's recruitment ended happily. Go AOII and WPS!

[FSUZeta]

What a darling shirt!

[NutBrnHair]

All very good advice given. All I can add is this: Ultimately, it's the chapter's decision. Just as we voted when we were actives, now it's their time to vote. That is our system. As alumnae we have input, yes, but the final decision rests with the collegiate chapter. And that's how it should be.

[carnation]

Oh, that panda shirt is too cute!

Zeta, it is really tough to say goodbye to the image of your daughter in your letters. Boy, do I know! But I did discover that pandas are a huge big deal now and it's so much fun to find cool panda stuff for your daughter! Red rose stuff too.

You can also buy shirts, etc., that say "AOII Mom". I never imagined my daughters wearing different letters from mine but when I met their fabulous sisters and got to know their sororities better, I was a happy camper--because they were!

[JayhawkAOII]

I was released from my legacy sorority (AOII), and then was later offered a snap bid on bid day. My life that first semester would have been much easier if the rush adviser had not told my sister why I was released. It was hard enough to go away to school and not know anyone, but the fact that my sister told me why after she was informed made it much much harder.
I am proud to be a sister in AOII, but I wish that I would have gotten there a different way, not knowing all the details.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by JayhawkAOII

I was released from my legacy sorority (AOII), and then was later offered a snap bid on bid day. My life that first semester would have been much easier if the rush adviser had not told my sister why I was released. It was hard enough to go away to school and not know anyone, but the fact that my sister told me why after she was informed made it much much harder.
I am proud to be a sister in AOII, but I wish that I would have gotten there a different way, not knowing all the details.

Oh, how sad. You didn't need to ever hear that. Things are secret for a reason. I'm sure it's all in the far past, but those kinds of hurtful things find a way of sticking with you. I say it a million times, when calling family, sisters need to ZIP IT!

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by agzg

It took me forever to figure out how this was panda related.

/stupid.

You're not the only one. The first time I was looking at it, I couldn't see it all. I even thought she had linked the wrong image. I didn't "see" it until you quoted the picture. Then it seemed really clear. So odd!

[Texas_DG]

As far as other girls from her school getting in, and your daughter not getting in - I think sometimes we look at legacies more closely. We don't want to over-look them so they end up getting scrutinized a bit more than the average PNM. Perhaps if the chapter had scrutinized those other girls just as much, they might have been released too.

I'm glad she was able to find another chapter that she is happy in.

[AGDee]

I have an alumna sister whose daughter went through recruitment at a school that only does informal recruitment. Mom had sent the expected paperwork to the chapter. Daughter told mom that the chapter never invited her to any events and ended up pledging another chapter. Mom was very upset and I was overseeing that chapter at the time and made an inquiry. Chapter Advisor said that the daughter was invited and didn't attend. Bottom line... daughter didn't really want to join that chapter but wasn't telling mom that. I didn't share that info, but the mom still, every now and then, makes a comment. I keep my mouth shut.

[ZetaWJC]

All I can say is WOW! I knew this was the right place to seek comfort and advice. You all are an amazing group and such an example of all the things that are right with our Greek system today.

I feel so fortunate that my daughter selected AOII. It feels like the right place for her and she is embracing it with open arms.

Sounds like I need to do some jewelry shopping. Who doesn't love rubies and roses?