In-law venting thread

[DreamfulSpirit]

I love that this thread was started, and I sooo wish we all didn't have stuff to vent about...but oh well!

So as I mentioned in an above post, I have 5 BILs. DH's 2nd oldest brother, I guess he's engaged, at least that's what they say...since neither have jobs, who knows when they'll get married (and btw, this BIL is almost 40!). Well...him and his fiancée were pregnant at least 3 or 4 years ago, but she ended up getting some kind of infection that caused her to go into labor very early, ended up giving birth, and unfortunately when the cord was cut, they lost the baby. Well...she has photos of this baby on her facebook, including 1 as her profile pic. I'm sooo disturbed by this, that I unsubscribed from her posts so I wouldn't see the picture on my facebook feed. Someone else even posted on her facebook saying how gruesome that pic was, and she replied that she's totally okay with it (obviously!).

My DH and I are planning on trying to start our family within the next few months, before the end of the year...and I've told my husband how disturbing and morbid it is for her to have these pics displayed on facebook or on the internet. These pics should be kept privately, because not everyone else out there needs/wants to see them. If I'm looking to become pregnant in the next 6 months, I don't want to see a pic of someone's dead baby as their profile pic!

[TonyB06]

Originally Posted by DreamfulSpirit

... Well...him and his fiancée were pregnant at least 3 or 4 years ago, but she ended up getting some kind of infection that caused her to go into labor very early, ended up giving birth, and unfortunately when the cord was cut, they lost the baby. Well...she has photos of this baby on her facebook, including 1 as her profile pic. I'm sooo disturbed by this, that I unsubscribed from her posts so I wouldn't see the picture on my facebook feed. Someone else even posted on her facebook saying how gruesome that pic was, and she replied that she's totally okay with it (obviously!).

My DH and I are planning on trying to start our family within the next few months, before the end of the year...and I've told my husband how disturbing and morbid it is for her to have these pics displayed on facebook or on the internet. These pics should be kept privately, because not everyone else out there needs/wants to see them. If I'm looking to become pregnant in the next 6 months, I don't want to see a pic of someone's dead baby as their profile pic!

While it may seem morbid to you, it may be a helpful mechanism for this woman to cope with what seems to still be a difficult time for her. Eighteen years ago, my first wife and I had a 2nd trimester miscarriage --by far, the most devastating thing I've ever experienced. As devastating as it was for me, I don't think my anguish even approached what she went through. They gave us photos (to aid the grieving process). I looked at them once and knew that day that I'd never look at them again. My ex, on the other hand, spent a lot of time with them.

My point is, who can say what someone else should or should not do (legally, that is) to get through their grief? It varies even in families, so why would anyone expect a friend's grief to follow somone else's idea on the matter?

You say you didn't want to see her "pics." After our miscarriage, it seemed the only thing I saw on TV for a week were baby stroller, baby pamper, baby formula commercials, and commericals of couples w/ new babies. Each of us gets through the best way you can.

I undertstand your post, but maybe it's best for you to just avoid this woman's FB page. What's she's doing may be helping her heal. God bless her.