FYI Disappointed Moms

[KSUViolet06]

^^^Right.

We also see a lot of "My Suzie graduated with a 4.0 and was cut by ABC but Roommate Ronda got a bid and she has a 3.6. What gives?"

It's very possible that Ronda knows a ton of ABCs from dance and has been seeing them/hanging out with them at dance camp since they were 14.

As a sidenote, a lot of PNMs will say "how did I get cut? I knew a ton of ABCs." The issue here is maybe they didn't like you or consider you to be a friend they'd like to see in their letters.

You also have to remember the sheer number of other PNMs who know just as many ABCs as you do.

That's why it's important not to focus on just ONE group when meeting people. Try to meet people and build relationships with people from different groups. And keep an open mind.

[shirley1929]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

^^^Right.

We also see a lot of "My Suzie graduated with a 4.0 and was cut by ABC but Roommate Ronda got a bid and she has a 3.6. What gives?"

It's very possible that Ronda knows a ton of ABCs from dance and has been seeing them/hanging out with them at dance camp since they were 14.

As a sidenote, a lot of PNMs will say "how did I get cut? I knew a ton of ABCs." The issue here is maybe they didn't like you or consider you to be a friend they'd like to see in their letters.

You also have to remember the sheer number of other PNMs who know just as many ABCs as you do.

That's why it's important not to focus on just ONE group when meeting people. Try to meet people and build relationships with people from different groups. And keep an open mind.

Exactly. I think many people want to believe that sorority recruitment is utopian and merit-based. In that world, the absolute top girls in grades/looks/convo/extras/recs would be offered their pick of all houses each round because of their perfect-ness. Unfortunately, it's quite a bit more complicated than that.

[LGN1212]

Amen. There would be a lot fewer unhappy little girls around right now if it was better understood that the sorority world is a meritocracy only up to a point and that you'd better have your expectations in check before you show up as an unknown out-of-state PNM at a big state school recruitment. The numbers are really brutal unless you're a Christie Brinkley look-alike with good party BS and a Rhodes scholar-in-waiting resume.

I'm the first to admit that I benefitted from my family's connections by staying in state, but it's really not a very healthy process in many ways and it's refreshing to see people fess up to it a bit.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by LGN1212

Amen. There would be a lot fewer unhappy little girls around right now if it was better understood that the sorority world is a meritocracy only up to a point and that you'd better have your expectations in check before you show up as an unknown out-of-state PNM at a big state school recruitment. The numbers are really brutal unless you're a Christie Brinkley look-alike with good party BS and a Rhodes scholar-in-waiting resume.

I'm the first to admit that I benefitted from my family's connections by staying in state, but it's really not a very healthy process in many ways and it's refreshing to see people fess up to it a bit.

I think that's where open mindedness comes in. At the vast majority of schools, you really can have a GREAT experience in any chapter. If you're a PNM from out-of-state, or you're a transfer, or you just don't know many greeks, you can't go in only focusing on a handful. Really, no one should, but it's double important for the PNMs we're describing.

[shirley1929]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I think that's where open mindedness comes in. At the vast majority of schools, you really can have a GREAT experience in any chapter. If you're a PNM from out-of-state, or you're a transfer, or you just don't know many greeks, you can't go in only focusing on a handful. Really, no one should, but it's double important for the PNMs we're describing.

Well, and here's the BIG problem with Suzie with the 4.0 and the utopian, merit-based line of thinking...

Suzie with the 4.0 who thinks it's a meritocracy & should get whatever she wants because she's the epitome of "perfect-ness" (grades/recs/cute/extras). She's ALWAYS gotten what she wants because of her perfect-ness. Life, up & to this point HAS pretty much been a meritocracy. Top softball player? On the varsity squad. Smartest person in the room? Valedictorian. Most beautiful? Homecoming queen (ok, not everywhere, but maybe "Most Beautiful" in the yearbook?). You get the idea.

This is their first time faced with something that they can't obtain just by being "the best".


ETA: I re-read & I'm using a little hyperbole here, I know.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by LGN1212

There would be a lot fewer unhappy little girls around right now

This is part of the problem. They're not little girls. They're women. They're adults. Yes, they are young, but they need to figure things out in the world. Learn that life isn't fair. Learning to be prepared. Learning to keep an open mind to the world of possibility. These aren't just things related to sororities and recruitment- these are life skills that these women need to learn.

[Optimus Prime]

Originally Posted by kddani

This is part of the problem. They're not little girls. They're women. They're adults. Yes, they are young, but they need to figure things out in the world. Learn that life isn't fair. Learning to be prepared. Learning to keep an open mind to the world of possibility. These aren't just things related to sororities and recruitment- these are life skills that these women need to learn.

I agree with this. Life is full of disappointments. They need to get over that the sense of entitlement like the "should I promise a large donation of money so they'll accept my pretty princess" as was demonstrated in another thread. While rejection is hard, it's something that will have to be dealt with more than a few times in someone's life.

SN: I'm sick of all these parents on here trying to "fix" everything for their daughters that don't have a successful recruitment. I understand wanting to help but it seems like there's a lot of parents on here asking what to do instead of their children. My mother would've told me to act like an adult and deal with it myself.