Etiquette!

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Look at the context of the question:
AOII Angel is answering the question specifically in the Southern context. In my (Southern) experience, Mr. First Name is a very common way for children (up to about15 or 16) to address the adult male friends of their parents and perhaps certain other men. I rarely hear an adult use it.

It doesn't work quite the same way as Miss First Name though. Miss First Name has always been a common way for a person of any age to refer to or address an older woman. (Miss, in this context by the way, has nothing to do with marital status. My grandmother and her sister, one married and one widowed, were widely known as Miss Mary and Miss Suzie 'til the day they died.) I have to say, though, that it is dying out.

I still call the men I knew as a child as Mr. First Name. It's the culture of the portion of the South where I was raised. I even call my FIL Mr. FN and my husband calls my father the same. We do the same with women...Ms. FN. It's a sign of respect that never goes out of style like "ma'am" and "sir".

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

I still call the men I knew as a child as Mr. First Name. It's the culture of the portion of the South where I was raised. I even call my FIL Mr. FN and my husband calls my father the same. We do the same with women...Ms. FN. It's a sign of respect that never goes out of style like "ma'am" and "sir".

Thanks for this. It's a reminder that the South isn't monolithic, even as to things like this. Around here, Mr. FN would, as I said, be limited mostly to friends of one's parents (or perhaps men in a particular setting, like church), and somewhere in the 13-15 year-old-range, the "Mr." part tends to get dropped. I don't think I've ever heard anyone address their in-laws that way -- people here tend to either simply use first names or something like "mom" and "dad." (That's what my parents did; their own parents were "Mother" and "Daddy.")

And I totally agree about "ma'am" and "sir."

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Thanks for this. It's a reminder that the South isn't monolithic, even as to things like this. Around here, Mr. FN would, as I said, be limited mostly to friends of one's parents (or perhaps men in a particular setting, like church), and somewhere in the 13-15 year-old-range, the "Mr." part tends to get dropped. I don't think I've ever heard anyone address their in-laws that way -- people here tend to either simply use first names or something like "mom" and "dad." (That's what my parents did; their own parents were "Mother" and "Daddy.")

And I totally agree about "ma'am" and "sir."

Yeah, it's funny how different things can be state to state or even town to town. I'm trying to think what my parent's called my grandparents. I think it was Mr. and Ms. LN! I can't recall my mother EVER calling my grandmother by her FN.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Yeah, it's funny how different things can be state to state or even town to town. I'm trying to think what my parent's called my grandparents. I think it was Mr. and Mrs. LN! I can't recall my mother EVER calling my grandmother by her FN.

My paternal grandparents have both passed away, but my mother always referred to them as "Mr and Mrs LN;" I believe my father does that now with my grandparents--even though they've known each other for 40 years! It seems terribly formal!

I wasn't raised to call another adult "Miss FN," even though my parents were born and raised in the South, of Southern parents. I think my parents felt it sounded a little servanty (for lack of a better word), we just said "Mr or Mrs. LN." My niece and her friends call their friends' parents Miss FN, and it seems to work for them. It's informal without being disrespectful.

[VandalSquirrel]

I'm from the biggest dirty hippy town of all time (San Francisco) and I grew up referring to adults as ma'am and sir, as well as Mister and Miss with last or first name. Definitely Miss Firstname for the blue haired mafia at church and in the neighborhood. I always, and still refer to the parents of my friends and fellas as Mr. or Mrs. Lastname until they tell me otherwise. I can't begin to explain how really complicated it was when my friends had hyphenated last names and I had to remember what the individual last names of their parents were, and the amount of not married, divorced, remarried, and no last name (not making that up) people I knew.

The invitations and announcements for the weddings of some people from back home are unreal when it comes to individual names as well as the amount of parents listed when both the bride and groom, or brides and grooms, come from blended families.

[aopirose]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Thanks for this. It's a reminder that the South isn't monolithic, even as to things like this. Around here, Mr. FN would, as I said, be limited mostly to friends of one's parents (or perhaps men in a particular setting, like church), and somewhere in the 13-15 year-old-range, the "Mr." part tends to get dropped. I don't think I've ever heard anyone address their in-laws that way -- people here tend to either simply use first names or something like "mom" and "dad." (That's what my parents did; their own parents were "Mother" and "Daddy.")

And I totally agree about "ma'am" and "sir."

It took me a good 3 years before I could call my MIL by her FN. She had been encouraging it since I met her, but it felt really odd.

Funny story...

We have two sets of neighbors that moved here from the Pacific Northwest. The first set has been here for about 3 years and the other since July. The two families were friends prior to their moves.

We were all over at another neighbor’s, when the 5-y.o. of the first family came in. She went straight to the food table. The mom of the second family asked if she would like something to eat. The child replied, “Yes, ma’am, Miss Mary. May I please have a hotdog?” The woman’s eyes got as large as beach balls and proceeded to drop the serving spoon and her jaw. The child’s mom smiled proudly and said, “Yes, my daughter is now a ‘Belle’.” It was the funniest thing that I had seen in a long time.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by aopirose

It took me a good 3 years before I could call my MIL by her FN. She had been encouraging it since I met her, but it felt really odd.

Funny story...

We have two sets of neighbors that moved here from the Pacific Northwest. The first set has been here for about 3 years and the other since July. The two families were friends prior to their moves.

We were all over at another neighbor’s, when the 5-y.o. of the first family came in. She went straight to the food table. The mom of the second family asked if she would like something to eat. The child replied, “Yes, ma’am, Miss Mary. May I please have a hotdog?” The woman’s eyes got as large as beach balls and proceeded to drop the serving spoon and her jaw. The child’s mom smiled proudly and said, “Yes, my daughter is now a ‘Belle’.” It was the funniest thing that I had seen in a long time.

Basically your story is what I have been thinking while reading this thread. Coming from the PNW, there would have been weird looks if I had ever called anyone Miss FN or Mr. FN. I have actually been told at times that ma'am was an age thing, ie "Ma'am? I feel so old!" So it is actually rare for that to be used too!

Ahhh the differences between parts of the country.