If you truly believe that this relationship is going somewhere (and you intend to stick this out), I would recommend that you seek counseling...or at least urge HIM to seek counseling. I would begin telling him that you care for him enough to recognize when something is 'not right' with him and that it pains you to see him obviously hurting over something you cannot help him with. Express to him that since you've known him for a long time, you see that something about him has recently changed and it scares you. Make sure to let him know that you'll be there with him/for him through this process.
Reading books can help you gain perspective, but it is NOT going to change your man. If you believe that he is headed down a road that is destructive - whether physical, psychological, emotional, or otherwise, I would urge you to DO something about it.
As an aside... You might want to do (or have him do) a little research into the hazing laws of your state (and the codes of conduct at your particular school). The things you're insinuating are - in many states, not all - criminal offenses (some felony), that carry punishments, including fines, arrest records, and potentially jail time. It is NOT something to be taken lightly.
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