Getting Married Young- Why?

[cheerfulgreek]

I dunno. I mean, for me, I guess I don't really care what other couples my age are doing. Most my age are married, but my decision to marry has to be based on what's best for the both of us, not based on what "age" or when most couples tend to marry. I mean, I want to finish my career goals first. That's important to me. I just think the bottom line is if the two of you are not walking in the same direction in life, you'll end up going separate ways, regardless of when or the "age" you choose to marry. Whether you decide to marry young or not, aligning yourself in a committed relationship with a guy who doesn't agree with your values and basic belief systems will be problematic throughout the life of the marriage. It's just that for me, if he doesn't fit from the beginning, he never will. I mean, of course I could fit with a lot of guys, but one will fit better than most. What starts off right, in most cases finishes right. What starts of wrong usually never gets right, it just gets worse. I just think that if we want the best mate for our lives, we have to be willing to understand our own uniqueness and wait for the right fit, not look at what decisions other couples are making.

[PhoenixAzul]

I got engaged at 22, married at almost 24. P and I have been dating for almost 10 years (yes folks, you read that right, since I was 16). P was just shy of 29 on our wedding day. Before we got married, I earned a graduate degree, lived in two foreign countries, etc (and I was a 24 year old bride with an art history degree...whoever mentioned that ). P had/has a successful career as a web developer. I worked hard to get my job I've got now in the worst economy in recent history, and I didn't get married for some juvenile reason. I got married because I love him.

We survived the worst first year of marriage I can imagine...unemployment on my end, and then an incapacitating injury, major illnesses in his family, major illnesses on my family, etc. And the one solid happy thing through it? Our marriage. My partner. Because we're mature adults who believe and practice trust, compassion, and love. Just celebrated our two year anniversary on Nov 15.

< / cheeseball >

[PincGator Que]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I dunno. I mean, for me, I guess I don't really care what other couples my age are doing. Most my age are married, but my decision to marry has to be based on what's best for the both of us, not based on what "age" or when most couples tend to marry. I mean, I want to finish my career goals first. That's important to me. I just think the bottom line is if the two of you are not walking in the same direction in life, you'll end up going separate ways, regardless of when or the "age" you choose to marry. Whether you decide to marry young or not, aligning yourself in a committed relationship with a guy who doesn't agree with your values and basic belief systems will be problematic throughout the life of the marriage. It's just that for me, if he doesn't fit from the beginning, he never will. I mean, of course I could fit with a lot of guys, but one will fit better than most. What starts off right, in most cases finishes right. What starts of wrong usually never gets right, it just gets worse. I just think that if we want the best mate for our lives, we have to be willing to understand our own uniqueness and wait for the right fit, not look at what decisions other couples are making.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I dunno. I mean, for me, I guess I don't really care what other couples my age are doing. Most my age are married, but my decision to marry has to be based on what's best for the both of us, not based on what "age" or when most couples tend to marry. I mean, I want to finish my career goals first. That's important to me. I just think the bottom line is if the two of you are not walking in the same direction in life, you'll end up going separate ways, regardless of when or the "age" you choose to marry. Whether you decide to marry young or not, aligning yourself in a committed relationship with a guy who doesn't agree with your values and basic belief systems will be problematic throughout the life of the marriage. It's just that for me, if he doesn't fit from the beginning, he never will. I mean, of course I could fit with a lot of guys, but one will fit better than most. What starts off right, in most cases finishes right. What starts of wrong usually never gets right, it just gets worse. I just think that if we want the best mate for our lives, we have to be willing to understand our own uniqueness and wait for the right fit, not look at what decisions other couples are making.

I love how you put that. Hubby and I were definitely walking in the same direction (as each other, not necessarily the same direction we were 15 years ago), and though nothing is perfect, it works for us.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

I love how you put that. Hubby and I were definitely walking in the same direction (as each other, not necessarily the same direction we were 15 years ago), and though nothing is perfect, it works for us.

This is so important.

A lot of folks get married to people who are moving in completely different directions, and they end up giving up a lot to be with that person (or vice versa).

[JennRN]

I agree that it's totally dependant on the people. Hubby and I got married when I was 25, and he was almost 27. We had both finished college, started our careers, and dated for 5 years. However-after our first year of dating, when I was 21, we started talking about getting married and ring shopping-and after a while, I freaked out and briefly broke up with him-I just couldn't do it at that time. A few years later-I was totally ready. Now we look back and say thank goodness we didn't do it right away!
However.....
My cousin's wife was 22 when they got married. She dropped out of juco to plan the wedding. Shocking that she never went back Now she's squeezed out their first (of many, I'm sure) kid and that's all she's got. That kid is her whole life. No career. No degree. Nothing outside the husband and kid. Put aside the "what would you do to survive/for money/for your child if your husband was ever out of the picture" issue-but I worry about them long term as well.