Quitting school after an unsuccessful SEC recruitment

[ellebud]

Yes. Her parents said just that. After all, the reasoning went, after college your access to single men (especially as a teacher) was going to be limited. And, if you met and married a teacher....how could you make a living? She didn't marry a doctor btw.

I must say that during my time I was discouraged from doing anything other than become a secretary. Yes world...a secretary. Not that there is anything wrong with being a secretary, but that was a life's goal...other than getting married.

And sending the son to med school and not the daughter: One of my friends had exactly this: She went to a junior college (and got married for the first time young) while her brother (the anointed one) went to med school.

....Oh, and the age at which you had to marry or your life was over? Twenty-five. That's it...twenty five. I did well. I married younger than that. (yeah me!!)

[Tulip86]

Originally Posted by ellebud

....Oh, and the age at which you had to marry or your life was over? Twenty-five. That's it...twenty five. I did well. I married younger than that. (yeah me!!)

Wow, I'd better hurry, only 5 more months to tie the knot

[blessyourheart]

I come from a family of 6 children, and when I was in college, there was one point that several of us were enrolled at different universities at the same time. My dad told my mom that he couldn't see the sense in spending lots of money on his daughter's educations, since they would probably end up getting married anyway. I guess the implication is once you are married, you don't have a career? Anyway, my sisters and I were encouraged to go to in-state less expensive schools, while the boys had no such restrictions.

[Alumiyum]

My mom has always been very clear that she doesn't care if I get married at all and doesn't reccommend that I do it young (which isn't a problem since I feel strongly that I should not even consider it until I'm confident I know myself and I'm not even there yet at 24). I will say, though, that since I've recently decided my current plan is to teach high school and eventually college...and that's my current boyfriend's plan too...I'm getting the idea that my family might be a little happier if I were dating a future lawyer or doctor.

I don't get it, but I don't knock the women that really do want to get married and have children. And I don't knock trophy wives, either. That's a job. Not one I could handle.

As for transferring only because of an unsuccessful rush, though...to me that either indicates an extreme inability to handle rejection (which isn't healthy) or a massive amount of family/community pressure (which is unfortunate).

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by BadCat25

A transfer from one big state university to another does not sacrifice your education because they are all about the same so that argument doesn’t hold.

Not necessarily true at all -- it all depends on what you want to study.

Meanwhile, I agree that anyone who does this has her priorities all wrong.

[DubaiSis]

At first blush I thought this whole thread was terrible, but I am given to thinking about this more logically. A lot of students who start at BIG U end up dropping out or transferring to MEDIUM or SMALL U because they just aren't well suited to the style of the huge classes, huge dorms, massive anonymity, etc. I think the hugely competitive recruitment that doesn't work out well is possibly indicative of this personality style.

And I think most of us would agree that size of college is not indicative of future success. So if you're going to transfer, you're probably better off doing it right away instead of deciding you need the more personal touch after a year or two when you'd lose a bunch of hours and have to virtually start over.

Are there ever situations where, let me pick 2 schools as examples where this could theoretically work, girl goes through recruitment at Florida State but it doesn't work out, so she drops out and immediately transfers to Florida International, which has recruitment nearly a month later. Could she theoretically transfer, start school and go through recruitment 1 month later? Please don't read this as me thinking it's a good idea; I'm just wondering if it ever does happen, and if there are rules precluding it.

[carnation]

In my years as a professor, I saw that happen several times, DubaiSis, although it was almost always for homesickness. People who transferred for other reasons--like Greek life--usually waited until the next semester or year. I've got to say, though, that I have seen far worse reasons to transfer than wanting to be Greek. Such as, and these are all real:

1. Wanting to be near a beach with good waves.
2. Missing the hometown Y's volleyball team.
3. A guy's family not having the status in the new state that they had in his home state.
4. Thinking that the university's terrain was too flat and ugly.
5. Missing the family pet.

I could think of more if I had the time but there are so many reasons that people transfer and if it works for them, fine by me.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

At first blush I thought this whole thread was terrible, but I am given to thinking about this more logically. A lot of students who start at BIG U end up dropping out or transferring to MEDIUM or SMALL U because they just aren't well suited to the style of the huge classes, huge dorms, massive anonymity, etc. I think the hugely competitive recruitment that doesn't work out well is possibly indicative of this personality style.

LOL. This excuse is exactly what I was talking about in my last post. Now it's possibly being reduced to a "personality style" and being compared to people who don't like more substantive things like huge classes, huge dorms, and large campuses.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

LOL. This excuse is exactly what I was talking about in my last post. Now it's possibly being reduced to a "personality style" and being compared to people who don't like more substantive things like huge classes, huge dorms, and large campuses.

I see the connection she's making...that someone who doesn't handle that sort of recruitment might also not be able to handle the huge school as well. I didn't apply to any large schools because I knew from the start I would feel overwhelmed but I do have friends that tried it, hated it, and left.

But again, if the only reason is an inability to face rejection (or intense pressure from family and hometown social structure...I grew up around this but not in it thankfully), I think that's indicative of some deeper issues that need to be worked out rather than ignored.

Adding to the marriage discussion, my mom said my grandmother was plagued with "Honey, you need to find a good man before it's too late" comments. She married at (I think) 25, was truly gorgeous, outgoing, smart, etc. A good catch. She just wasn't interested in settling. But she had to constantly listen to these comments which is why she made sure not to pressure my mom or aunt into marriage, though both did happen to get married right after college. And it's why my mom has always told me that if I find someone fine, if I don't, fine. I do appreciate not getting that pressure from my immediate family...though it comes from just about everywhere else. (Like asking me when I'm getting married to my SO of a year...we haven't talked about it once and I don't intend to any time soon. I'm not interested and don't get why that's a problem.)

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

I see the connection she's making...that someone who doesn't handle that sort of recruitment might also not be able to handle the huge school as well.

We were talking about people who transfer because of an unsuccessful recruitment/membership intake. There's no need to dress it up as anything else.

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

But again, if the only reason is an inability to face rejection (or intense pressure from family and hometown social structure...I grew up around this but not in it thankfully), I think that's indicative of some deeper issues that need to be worked out rather than ignored.

Yes, that's what we were saying. And by deeper issues, I don't mean "class sizes are too large."

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

We were talking about people who transfer because of an unsuccessful recruitment/membership intake. There's no need to dress it up as anything else.



Yes, that's what we were saying. And by deeper issues, I don't mean "class sizes are too large."

Ok, but as I understand her post, that's what she's saying. IMO there's nothing wrong with adding different viewpoints to a discussion.

Who is "we"?

[Carpe Aeternum]

After my last party during prefs, I got into my mother's car and declared that I would "rather transfer than not be XYZ." Now, I wasn't serious. I was a transfer student- from a tiny college with no Greek life- and was in love with my school. I still am. There is no place else I would rather be; my heart is devoted to this school. But in that moment- with tears rolling down my face from one of the most beautiful ceremonies I have ever seen, and holding that flower- a part of me did feel like it was XYZ or not worth it.

So I can understand the urge to just get out of the school. I wouldn't (and I didn't- I'm not in XYZ), and would never really consider it beyond a passing, emotional comment. No sorority experience makes up for what this university has brought to me. But I do remember my first weeks of freshman year, being so lonely, so overwhelmed, and feeling like I would never fit in, and I can't imagine if I believed the entire school was Greek life, and on top of all the emotion I was feeling, not getting to be Greek. Heck, I almost lost my mind waiting for bid day, and I'm not in the SEC, and Greek life is by no means the center of my school.

It may seem completely irrational, and maybe it is. I don't think I'd want my daughter to do it. But when I go back and read the journal I kept during those first weeks away at school, and the one I kept before and during rush, add those two together, and stick them in 110-degree heat, I can understand.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Carpe Aeternum

So I can understand the urge to just get out of the school. I wouldn't (and I didn't- I'm not in XYZ), and would never really consider it beyond a passing, emotional comment. No sorority experience makes up for what this university has brought to me. But I do remember my first weeks of freshman year, being so lonely, so overwhelmed, and feeling like I would never fit in, and I can't imagine if I believed the entire school was Greek life, and on top of all the emotion I was feeling, not getting to be Greek. Heck, I almost lost my mind waiting for bid day, and I'm not in the SEC, and Greek life is by no means the center of my school.

It may seem completely irrational, and maybe it is. I don't think I'd want my daughter to do it. But when I go back and read the journal I kept during those first weeks away at school, and the one I kept before and during rush, add those two together, and stick them in 110-degree heat, I can understand.

This is why IMO having rush before the girls can even become part of the campus community is such a crappy idea. It's the same concept as The Bachelor or any of those type shows. Of course at some point you'll think you're in love with the dweeb - THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO DO.

[starang21]

spineless parents lead to spineless children.

[Low C Sharp]

sending the son to med school and not the daughter

That's the attitude my mother grew up around. She decided when she was ten that SHE was going to be a doctor. She graduated high school at 15, married a law student at 19, and by the time she was 25, she had the husband, two kids, AND the M.D. She had four daughters, and believe me, nobody ever told us that education was for the men.

Oh, and she transferred to a private school after freshman year because the big state school wasn't academically serious enough. Now that's giving the finger to everybody with the old sexist attitude!
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EllyDee cam