HELP! terrible alumni relations!! need ideas!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by OPhiAGinger

Think about it. Out of the entire history of the chapter, I really only share memories with a tiny fraction of their alumnae. The chances of someone from my era showing up at one of those events is remote, so I would end up "reminiscing" with people I don't really share memories with.

I think that's kind of a narrow view to take. We recently had a reunion at Atlantic City - approximately 25 sisters attended. We had a very large age range, and the youngest girl there had only physically met 2 of the other sisters that were attending. After the first evening, it didn't matter a bit. We may have been there at different times, but we all went through similar experiences at the same campus. It's not just about reminiscing, it's about making new memories and becoming close to new people as well. If all alumnae get togethers serve as is "remember when" fests, it will help the chapter very little. There are alums out there who don't want to meet new people - forget them. They contribute nothing.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I think that's kind of a narrow view to take. We recently had a reunion at Atlantic City - approximately 25 sisters attended. We had a very large age range, and the youngest girl there had only physically met 2 of the other sisters that were attending. After the first evening, it didn't matter a bit. We may have been there at different times, but we all went through similar experiences at the same campus. It's not just about reminiscing, it's about making new memories and becoming close to new people as well. If all alumnae get togethers serve as is "remember when" fests, it will help the chapter very little. There are alums out there who don't want to meet new people - forget them. They contribute nothing.

Very true.

And those "remember when" stories are actually kind of fun to hear if you're from a different generation. Being an advisor, I know the sisters sometimes ask me questions about when I was an active member. They got really excited reading one of the older issues of the Anchor (our magazine), and are actually considering repeating a fundraiser we did 5 years ago.

And in the alumnae chapter that we're trying to start around here, I know that I enjoy listening to stories from the older alumnae. I especially love looking at their compostite pictures from the early 90s... oh, the hair

At our formal this past April, we had some of our charter members attend, and the chapter was founded 20 years ago. Those woman said they had an amazing time and felt welcomed by everyone.

The whole point of attending alumnae events is to not only see the people you went to school with, but to meet NEW people... as in, more sisters. And who wouldn't want that?

[Psi U MC Vito]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Very true.

And those "remember when" stories are actually kind of fun to hear if you're from a different generation. Being an advisor, I know the sisters sometimes ask me questions about when I was an active member. They got really excited reading one of the older issues of the Anchor (our magazine), and are actually considering repeating a fundraiser we did 5 years ago.

And in the alumnae chapter that we're trying to start around here, I know that I enjoy listening to stories from the older alumnae. I especially love looking at their compostite pictures from the early 90s... oh, the hair

At our formal this past April, we had some of our charter members attend, and the chapter was founded 20 years ago. Those woman said they had an amazing time and felt welcomed by everyone.

The whole point of attending alumnae events is to not only see the people you went to school with, but to meet NEW people... as in, more sisters. And who wouldn't want that?

I agree 100 percent. I actually love meeting with older alumni and hearing all the stories about stuff they did when they were undergrads.

[OPhiAGinger]

I completely agree that 33girl's example, which was apparently an event at least two days long, provides a wonderful opportunity to form new bonds. My GLO's annual convention offers a similar opportunity to really get to know other sisters beyond a superficial level, and I love it! I remember hanging out in the alumnae suite at our last convention, looking around the room and really loving the other women who were there with me. Collectively, our active years spanned four decades and we were from all different chapters. Half of those sisters I had just met earlier that day, but I felt very close to all of them.

But I question whether it's reasonable to expect to form a bond like that when you're gathering for a 90 minute luncheon with 50 people you've never met. Yes, there is something similar in your character that brought you all to the same GLO, but.... I might attend an event like that if it were convenient, but it wouldn't rank high on my list. I've just got too many other competing priorities in my life right now with a demanding career and a busy family... a situation that is probably common to many of the OP's alumnae. I don't claim to represent all alumnae for all GLOs, but I doubt if I'm all that unusual. The OP needs to understand the challenge of getting past those competing priorities and some strategies to do that.

Like I said, I'm more likely to be drawn into an event where we are actively doing something to help the chapter rather than just eating a meal together. In my experience, that's a great vehicle to forming new shared memories.

[33girl]

Well, you've got to start somewhere. It's one thing if alums use reconnecting with others of their era as a start, but if they continue in the mindset of "I only want to see/hang out with/talk with people I was in school with" then quite frankly, their input is not needed...they can set up a reunion for themselves somewhere else. Too many times these are the people who are only returning to open old scars and create drama - their lives are so boring that the drama has actually become a fun and pleasant diversion. It isn't pleasant for the collegians who get caught in the crossfire, though.

Honestly, it is a two way street. Good alumnae try to keep up at least second or third hand. Especially nowadays with facebook, if you fall completely off the map, it's because you don't want to be found, and there's no point in busting your (as in collegiate chapter your) butt trying to get that recalcitrant sister to come back into the fold.

[OPhiAGinger]

Originally Posted by 33girl

...these are the people who are only returning to open old scars and create drama - their lives are so boring that the drama has actually become a fun and pleasant diversion.

Wow. I'm talking about busy people who will carve out time from their hectic lives to reconnect with old friends but not for the more generic alumnae gatherings. But in your view, they are drama queens with boring lives? I don't see the connection.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by OPhiAGinger

Wow. I'm talking about busy people who will carve out time from their hectic lives to reconnect with old friends but not for the more generic alumnae gatherings. But in your view, they are drama queens with boring lives? I don't see the connection.

Umm, thanks for cutting my quote to suit what you think I'm saying. If that's the only part you read, I'm not going to bother explaining it to you further. Try rereading the ENTIRE post.

[OPhiAGinger]

Okay. I'm trying -- really trying -- to give you the benefit of the doubt. As instructed, I've reread your entire post several times. And I still think you reached a powerfully wacko conclusion.

Here is my perspective, boiled down to its essentials. Adult people can get very busy. They make hard choices about how they can spend their limited free time, and not everybody can carve out time to volunteer with their GLO, no matter how much they love it. So what if they only show up to a subset of the social events? How does that make them a drama queen who is just there to stir up trouble? Are they worse than the majority of alumnae who don't show up at all?

[33girl]

OK, let me make this as simple and rudimentary as I can POSSIBLY make it.

Annie Alumna gets a communication from her collegiate chapter that an alumnae tea is coming up. Fine. Annie asks if any other alums from her era are attending, and lo and behold, several are. Annie gets to the tea, and not only does she only talk to the women she knows and ignore the collegians and alumnae older or younger than her who are trying their hardest to engage her, she confronts Allison Alumna about stealing her boyfriend 10 years ago. She also confronts the chapter about "why they aren't as good as they used to be."

I do not think this is a "wacko" conclusion, more that you are willfully misunderstanding what I'm saying. If the ONLY reason you are going back to your campus is to see people you already know - don't friggin' bother!! Yes that can be part of it, but as someone who has had chapter alums who WORKED ON CAMPUS completely ignore the chapter because it's "changed so much" - trust me, no one needs that kind of alumna around.

And if the only reason you invite alums back is to do a needed ritual, it's a better idea to invite those who are geographically the closest, rather than those just from that collegiate chapter. Ritual is ritual. It's supposed to the "bonding" thing for all chapters, so who cares what chapter the alums are from?

Incidentally, I'm talking about NPC groups, and you are talking about a service sorority. The way you form bonds is different, and I think you're comparing apples and oranges. If you ask someone to come up for a service project, that makes sense - your primary focus is service. That's how you've bonded in the past. However, if a sister just asked me to come up to pour chili at the chili feed or whatever, after no communications in years, I think I'd be a little irritated.

[ThetaDancer]

Originally Posted by OPhiAGinger

But I question whether it's reasonable to expect to form a bond like that when you're gathering for a 90 minute luncheon with 50 people you've never met. Yes, there is something similar in your character that brought you all to the same GLO, but.... I might attend an event like that if it were convenient, but it wouldn't rank high on my list. I've just got too many other competing priorities in my life right now with a demanding career and a busy family... a situation that is probably common to many of the OP's alumnae. I don't claim to represent all alumnae for all GLOs, but I doubt if I'm all that unusual. The OP needs to understand the challenge of getting past those competing priorities and some strategies to do that.

Like I said, I'm more likely to be drawn into an event where we are actively doing something to help the chapter rather than just eating a meal together. In my experience, that's a great vehicle to forming new shared memories.

I'm not sure that the purpose of a collegiate chapter hosting alumnae for brunch is to form a convention-like bond. I think brunches are a great way to meet other sisters (collegiates and alumnae alike) while learning more about the collegiate chapter and finding ways to eventually feel comfortable helping out.

I know you said you're more responsive to a specific call to action, but keep in mind that the OP's chapter has maintained few, if any, relationships with alumnae. Before alumnae are asked to give of their time and money, it may be nice to meet some of the women in the chapter, learn about the events and activities in which the chapter is engaged, and meet other alumnae with whom you may be eventually volunteering. I would find it odd to be asked for time or money completely out of the blue, if this chapter had not previously tried to form or maintain any relationship with me; to me, that just seems contrary to basic manners.

That said, I also disagree with you that it is not possible to form close bonds with alumnae with whom you did not attend school, or who were at your college during a different era, even over 90 minute activities instead of conventions (and the like). Because I went to school far away from where I currently reside, I have really benefitted from being invited to the nearest collegiate chapter's events (homecoming events, teas, brunches, nights out in Madison, etc.). I have learned a great deal about this chapter, met some great women, and am overall significantly more inclined to contribute than I otherwise would have been.

[agzg]

My collegiate chapter uses a facebook group and they encouraged those of us who knew other alumnae to keep inviting and inviting until every alpha gam we knew was a member. It's been pretty great, even though I live 8 hours away I'm still relatively connected to my chapter.

[Zillini]

Also keep in mind that there may be alumnae living in the area who were not initiated at that Chapter. I'm a prime example. I moved to the deep South from the Midwest and didn't know a soul in the area. The Chapter got my address from Inatl using a search of all members within the geographical area. When I received a random invitation to a tea at the sorority I went because I simply wanted to meet some local women who I had something in common with.

That was 16 years ago. I've been active first as a member of House Corp, then as an Advisor ever since. Over the years we've had other fabulous advisors and active alumna who also did not go to school here. Point being, it's not only about shared memories and common experiences.

[Gusteau]

Originally Posted by Zillini

Also keep in mind that there may be alumnae living in the area who were not initiated at that Chapter. I'm a prime example. I moved to the deep South from the Midwest and didn't know a soul in the area. The Chapter got my address from Inatl using a search of all members within the geographical area. When I received a random invitation to a tea at the sorority I went because I simply wanted to meet some local women who I had something in common with.

That was 16 years ago. I've been active first as a member of House Corp, then as an Advisor ever since. Over the years we've had other fabulous advisors and active alumna who also did not go to school here. Point being, it's not only about shared memories and common experiences.

This is an excellent point! My chapter is only three years old, so the majority of our alumni support system are from other chapters. We've found it more difficult to reach out to alumni who don't have a connection to the university, but they are a resource that should not be overlooked! A lot of alumni move too far away to be involved with their collegiate chapters, but still really want to be actively involved after graduation.

[DrPhil]

Wow @ this last page

Discussions like these remind me of how grateful I am that many organizations put a lot of emphasis on the chapter never becoming bigger than the organization. This is why alumni activity is extremely important, and preferably with an alumnae/graduate chapter where you get to interact with alumnae initiates and collegiate initiates (who have graduated).

Everyone's busy. But, what I gathered from OPhi's earlier comments is not just being busy/having priorities (who woulda thunk adults have priorities? ) but almost an unwillingness or inability to connect. A specific call to action for the chapter shouldn't come before knowing who you are working with. Instead of going into it thinking that it is impossible, try it and go into with an open mind.

Sorors who move to new areas know how to meet Sorors in professional and personal settings. I think it is really not as difficult as people insist on making it. With every busy person, there are often two people who really think it is worth the time and commitment to maintain bonds/plan programs/attend meetings/etc. I have seen MANY home chapter Sorors reunited this way and many Sorors motivated to give back to their home chapters.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Zillini

Point being, it's not only about shared memories and common experiences.

And some of us had close ties with members from other chapters as collegiates, including chapter road trips and chapters strongly supporting each other's events.

I think there are a lot of shared memories and experiences across chapters. Sorors don't have to be from my chapter to have experienced many of the things that I did.* But, people won't know that unless they connect with people outside of their home chapter.

*Granted we didn't experience these things together as collegiates but that doesn't matter so much when we're bonding as Sorors.