Asking daddy's permission before proposing

[PeppyGPhiB]

When my boyfriend and I started to talk more and more about getting married, my mom let me know that she wanted him to ask for her blessing. I also wanted that, first because I think it's a lovely tradition, and second because I believe that a marriage is about more than just the couple. Anyone who has been unfortunate enough to have in-laws that didn't understand boundaries or who couldn't get along with the son/daughter-in-law knows that well. A marriage is the joining of families, and when you're as close to your family as I am, you care a great deal about whether they like and respect you.

I am 31 years old and yet I told my fiance he needed to ask my mother for her blessing before he proposed to me. Not only was it a sign of respect for my mother (who is one of the strongest women I know and who has sacrificed a great deal for me), but it also gave my mom a chance to have a heart-to-heart with him and tell him/ask him a few things she felt was important. I knew my mom loved him and that she would be so happy and excited, but I also knew she felt it was her responsibility to bless our marriage as the single mother who raised me. He wasn't "asking permission," she was giving him her best wishes for us as we start our own family.

And a year from now, when I walk down the aisle of our church, my mom will be the one giving me away.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

And a year from now, when I walk down the aisle of our church, my mom will be the one giving me away.

This made me smile. One of my best friends was going to get married and her dad was still in her life, but barely. She has 4 brothers and each would be positioned along the aisle so that they could walk a quarter of the way with her until she got to the altar. I thought that was neat.

[33girl]

My parents are both gone now, but I think if a guy had asked them for my hand they would have said "are you SURE this is the man for you and you won't eat him alive?" I mean, my mom pointed out that I like dudes who look like gangsters.

I agree with the buzzkill factor of anyone (except maybe the clerk at the jewelry store) knowing before you do.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AGDee

In my day, it was about asking permission.

Aren't you and I about the same age?

Even so, my relationship with my father at that point in my life was awful. As I said, he "owned" me until I went away to college. He was very controlling of everything and I had intense dislike for him at the time that my first husband proposed to me. I don't think my dad even met my second husband until after we had discussed marriage and looked at rings.

And under these kind of circumstances, I can see exactly why you feel the way you do about it.

I think that life stage, the closeness of the relationships and the personal beliefs of the individuals involved are all important factors in deciding whether or not this would be the right thing to do.

Exactly. That's why, for me, the issue was what my (now) wife wanted, not what her father or I wanted.

For me, personally, I think I would be upset if anybody else knew that he was proposing before I knew. It's such a deeply personal and important decision. What if a man talked to your father and proposed in front of your family and you didn't want to marry him? That seems like it would be incredibly awkward. And, I really enjoyed being the person to tell my mom. It would have been weird to call her and say "I'm engaged!" and have her say "I know". I dunno, it just doesn't fit with who I am.

There are different ways of doing it. What I am used to is the couple deciding to get married and then asking the father/parents.

I proposed to my wife first. The next day, while we were at her parents house for Easter dinner, I waited until everyone had moved to the dining room except wife, her dad and me, and I asked him for her hand. (Yep, actually asked for her hand.) She was standing next to me, beaming (yeah, go figure ), so it was clear that we were getting married and I was really asking for his blessing. But it mattered to my wife that we not just tell him we were getting married but that I ask him.

[lovespink88]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

This made me smile. One of my best friends was going to get married and her dad was still in her life, but barely. She has 4 brothers and each would be positioned along the aisle so that they could walk a quarter of the way with her until she got to the altar. I thought that was neat.

Aww, that's beautiful!