Advice for PNMs: Not getting a bid to your 1st choice.

[Katmandu]

Agree with all above. Well said!

Can't emphasize this point enough:
If you do not receive your first choice, do NOT cry, pout, huff, mourn, languish, expire, sigh, sob, sniffle, glare, or otherwise louse up Bid Day for your new sisters.

If you receive your second or third or fifth choice on Bid Day and want to give it a chance, then step up to the plate and do it with style and grace. See it as an opportunity to show your character. You may be disappointed, even crushed, but the actives are thrilled to welcome the new members and most of the new members are thrilled to be there. No matter how much people might sympathize with your situation, if you create drama or stand aloof from the celebration, you will appear childish and rude. Besides, the girl next to you who is beaming and being gracious to all may be suffering the same pangs as you. She is just wise enough to keep it to herself.

Resist the temptation to tell your new sisters that they are not your first choice. This is information you don't want to share. Our experience teaches us that most people become reconciled, even pleased or thrilled with their situation over time. You may discover that your "second choice" is the best thing that happens to you in college.

But people have long memories, and long after you have moved on emotionally and are proudly running for Secretary or Recruitment Chair or Queen of the May, your sisters may well remember you as the one who REALLY wanted to be a Gamma Gamma Poo and spent the first three weeks of New Member Ed in a snit--and vote accordingly. (Have seen several elections lost this way)

The truth is, you spend 3 or 4 years as an active and maybe 40-50 years or more as an alum. All of the sororities have excellent values, core beliefs, philanthropies, leadership training and social activities. They all have active alumni organizations with more opportunities than you can take advantage of. They all have nice jewelry. They all have pretty colors, crests and mottos. They all have a proud history. They all have famous or not so famous members. They all have chapters that are the hottest of the hot on campus and chapters that are about to fold. Once you are out of school, none of the tiers, social status or other nonsense matters one iota. (or beta, for that matter)

Also, know that if you accept a bid card that is not your first choice, you are in very good company. Most women do not have a perfect rush. Many women do not join the sorority they dreamed of prior to recruitment, but most of them find a beloved home despite that.

[ComradesTrue]

All great advice. THanks for starting this thread KSU.

One thing that I would add: do not feel/complain that the group that you did not receive a bid from was "fake," "led you on," "lied to you," etc. It is very, very likely that the women whom you met during recruitment *did* like you and *did* want you to be a part of their chapter. However, virtually all of the PNMs in a pref party have the same situation. Everyone attending the pref party likely has a group of members pulling for them.

Only a specified number can receive bids, but everyone at the pref party is somewhere on the bid list. You were genuinely liked by the group, as evidenced by receiving an invitation to the pref party.

It is also likely that the members that you met do not know where you fell on the list and may be thinking that you turned them down! Keep your head high, and run to the chapter that bid you with grace and dignity. Your new sisters will be so excited to see you!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Blondie93

All great advice. THanks for starting this thread KSU.

One thing that I would add: do not feel/complain that the group that you did not receive a bid from was "fake," "led you on," "lied to you," etc.

YES.

To add:

Just because XYZ didn't give you a bid, doesn't mean it's cool for you trashtalk them or spread rumors about them.

So don't go around saying "It's ok I love being a Beta. Amy from my rush group's neighbor's lab partner got a bid to Alpha and she told me that they circle your fat!"

Spreading rumors about your first choice does not make you or your new sorority look better. It just makes you tacky.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

YES.

To add:

Just because XYZ didn't give you a bid, doesn't mean it's cool for you trashtalk them or spread rumors about them.

So don't go around saying "It's ok I love being a Beta. Amy from my rush group's neighbor's lab partner got a bid to Alpha and she told me that they circle your fat!"

Spreading rumors about your first choice does not make you or your new sorority look better. It just makes you tacky.

I'd take this even a step further and keep in mind all during recruitment that you represent your future chapter and people will judge the strength of your pledge class based on impressions that you make other places. Be sincere and as positive as you can throughout the process, and your eventual chapter will be better for it.

[KSUViolet06]

Another thing:

Don't ask girls from your first choice chapter why you didn't get a bid.

It puts them in a really awkward position when you ask that, as Membership Selection is private.

It's also awkward because they probably do like you as a person and don't want to hurt your feelings.

Also:

Don't assume that everyone got their first choice except for you.

Not so. There are likely quite a few girls who got their 2nnd or 3rd choice chapters.

Not everyone gets their first choice, that's just how it works.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Also:

Don't assume that everyone got their first choice except for you.

Not so. There are likely quite a few girls who got their 2nnd or 3rd choice chapters.

Not everyone gets their first choice, that's just how it works.

I couldn't have said that any better, but I'd like to tack on a suggestion:

Your first week in your chapter is when you should know that you know that you know what being discreet is all about; what to say about your new sorority to others, what you say to your new sisters, how you handle your own feelings. It's not just warm fuzzies, it's growing up!

[BlueCarnation]

Such a great post! I didn't get my first choice and I was devastated at first. I was SURE I was going to get my first choice, and just couldn't believe I didn't.

Then I went to my Bid Day events, met some great girls and decided to give it a chance. It was the best thing I ever did. I met some of my closest friends in the world, was a leader in my pledge class, on my exec board and on my university's Panhellenic board. I was usually a walking billboard for my sorority. I know I would not have gotten the experiences and opportunities I had had I joined another chapter. Turns out, I am still very close friends with girls from my "first choice," and I lived with a few of them after college, but I know that I ended up where I was supposed to be. I am so glad that I joined the house I did--of course the other sorority is a wonderful organization and I would have been proud to be a member. But for who I was in college and who I am now, I know it worked out like it was supposed to.

[prettygirlie]

(sorry I edited what I said. I absolutely have no idea what I'm talking about, and should probably just shut up.)

[KD4Me]

Originally Posted by Blondie93

All great advice. THanks for starting this thread KSU.

One thing that I would add: do not feel/complain that the group that you did not receive a bid from was "fake," "led you on," "lied to you," etc. It is very, very likely that the women whom you met during recruitment *did* like you and *did* want you to be a part of their chapter. However, virtually all of the PNMs in a pref party have the same situation. Everyone attending the pref party likely has a group of members pulling for them.

Only a specified number can receive bids, but everyone at the pref party is somewhere on the bid list. You were genuinely liked by the group, as evidenced by receiving an invitation to the pref party.

It is also likely that the members that you met do not know where you fell on the list and may be thinking that you turned them down! Keep your head high, and run to the chapter that bid you with grace and dignity. Your new sisters will be so excited to see you!

This is a great point for new members who received bids to their 2nd (or 3rd) choice to remember. On Bid Day, our VP Membership would always meet with us before the new members got their bids to announce who we "got." After the list was read, we would always start thinking, "What happened to Susie Rushee? We didn't get her...she must have liked XYZ better. Bummer!" It didn't really occur to us that some of those girls must have been ranked low on our bid list. If a sorority invites you to a Pref party, the girls in that chapter would have been proud to have you as a sister. At my school, only the VP Membership and an advisor knew how everyone was ranked, and I never heard of an instance where that information was leaked.

When I went through recruitment, I just knew there was only one house that I would click with. I was fortunate and received a bid to that chapter, but as I look back on it now, I realize that I really could have been happy with any of the chapters on my campus. Almost any sorority is going to have a mix of interesting, great girls. Embrace this opportunity that you have been given and remember that YOU will soon be a full member of your sorority and have the chance to make it what you want it to be.

[BabyPiNK_FL]

I did get my first choice, but I still have some advice.

I rushed as a junior with a not-so-hot GPA (although it was on it's way up!)

I knew from day one, that had my #1 dropped me for whatever reason, I would join whomever would give me a bid. Not because I wanted to join ANY sorority, but because

A) My second option were an amazing group of girls

B)I knew that my chances were not so hot and was VERY realistic about my expectations for being dropped.

and

C) THEY would have still wanted ME!

I did set out to be in a particular sorority (not always the best game plane at rush), but I knew I wanted to be Greek even if that didn't work out. That was more important. I also knew I would never rush again as a senior.

As a member of Panhellenic I saw girls that didn't even deal with basic hygiene swear that they had to be a member of #1sororityoncampuswhereeverygirlishotandhasamazing hairand4.0gpaandisoverlyinvolved.

Be realistic. Try to imagine a chapter that is realistic for who you are or who you are avidly (and outwardly) working toward becoming. See if you see those qualities in the chapters on your campus.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by BabyPiNK_FL

Look for the chapter that is realistic for you or who you are avidly (and outwardly) working toward becoming. Aiming high for oneself should be encouraged, but chapters do typically look for similar people to perpetuate whatever it is that they are "famous" for or are most like them.

Isn't it a bit difficult to determine this if you're an 18 year old college freshman? Alot of times, you don't know who you want to be. You might know who you THINK you want to be, but figuring that out takes time. So how can you "realistically determine" what sorority you should be in?

I think that's why it's important to be open-minded during the process. You really never know where you'll "fit" and when you prematurely say "I don't want to be here" or "I want to be like these girls so I want to be in this chapter" you miss out on the opportunity to find out.

[BabyPiNK_FL]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Isn't it a bit difficult to determine this if you're an 18 year old college freshmen? Alot of times, you don't know who you want to be. You might know who you THINK you want to be, but figuring that out takes time. So how can you "realistically determine" what sorority you should be in?

I think that's why it's important to be open-minded during the process. You really never know where you'll "fit" and when you prematurely say "I don't want to be here" or "I want to be like these girls so I want to be in this chapter" you miss out on the opportunity to find out.

That is true too! I don't dispute that. I guess that's why I kept hearing that comment I mentioned earlier over and over again! I definitely don't want to discourage anyone from trying.

ETA: I reworded it, I hope it's more friendly, give me feedback.

[greekmomjo]

If you end up at your 3rd choice, just remember THEY wanted you, and invited you back more than twice or more. THEY think you are great. Please give them a shot--and NEVER let them think they are not your first choice. It will be up to you to make them your first choice, and in a year from now I'd bet you can't imagine a better group of friends---but only if YOU give them an honest shot.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by greekmomjo

If you end up at your 3rd choice, just remember THEY wanted you, and invited you back more than twice or more. THEY think you are great. Please give them a shot--and NEVER let them think they are not your first choice. It will be up to you to make them your first choice, and in a year from now I'd bet you can't imagine a better group of friends---but only if YOU give them an honest shot.

in fact, the sorority will never know that you did not place them 1st on your list, unless you tell them.

[KSUViolet06]

Bumping!