How much is appearance weighed during rush?

[perfectinpurple]

I really was just trying to encourage her...

As someone who was in a similar situation at a fairly competitive school who ended up getting a bid to her first choice (which I know might not always be the case or whatever) I really was just trying to let her know that she shouldn't be so concerned about her weight.

You're right, I don't personally know her, and i also know that comments like "you can carry it" or "you dont look like you weigh ___" don't make you feel any better.

I never said she was going to get a bid, or going to get a top house or anything else. I also realize I also don't have 1,000 posts. And I'll be the first to admit I'm young and don't have a ton of experirence in this field... However; based on what experience I do have and some similarities between what I read about her and myself I have come to make some inferences. Based on her original statement I think she sounds like (at least here) an intelligent girl who just has a few insecurities... and who of us doesn't? I think if she puts her best foot forward during rush she has a great chance to find a sisterhood she can be a part of, and not to sound cliche, but who will accept her for who she is.

KSUViolet, I respect your opinion and I understand why you made those statements, but I was just trying to be encouraging... I'm just optomistic by nature I suppose. I never thought I was giving any sort of false hope, just stating that in my opinion I think she'll do pretty well, and that she shouldn't worry so much about something so superficial as her weight.

[Zillini]

Originally Posted by perfectinpurple

I really was just trying to encourage her...KSUViolet, I respect your opinion and I understand why you made those statements, but I was just trying to be encouraging... I'm just optomistic by nature I suppose. I never thought I was giving any sort of false hope, just stating that in my opinion I think she'll do pretty well, and that she shouldn't worry so much about something so superficial as her weight.

Your intentions are sweet, but the problem is how a PNM might perceive the actual words we use when they are only meant as encouragement. Think of it like when you were going through Recruitment on the other side as an active. You cannot tell a PNM "I'll see you tomorrow." Maybe this is just your regular way of saying good-bye and you had zero intention of even suggesting she might get an invite/bid.

But to a PNMs ears they think "OMG! She said she is going to SEE me tomorrow! That must mean she totally loves me and I'm a lock for an invite/bid!" Next day she's crushed because she's been dropped, thinks you are a horrible person who lied to her, and maybe takes it so far as to file a grievance with Panhellenic. All over simple word choice.

The same logic applies to giving well wishes and encouragement to PNMs. You shouldn't say "You'll do great!" because you simply don't know how she will do, especially when we're talking about some random person on the internet. Worst case scenario she does lousy and gets angry because all these so-called knowledgeable people on GC told her she'd do great. To her "great" meant getting a bid to the Chapter of her dreams and that didn't happen.

A better way of offering support would be something simple and non-committal like "Best of Luck".