Sad New Pledge

[SOPi_Jawbreaker]

I can be a very shy, quiet person until I get to know someone well. Once I get to know them, then I come out of my shell. The problem is that sometimes my shyness can come across as me being aloof, cold, distant, bitchy, snobby, uninterested, or unapproachable. For instance, my big sis told me that because I had been so quiet at the first info session, all the actives had thought I was totally not interested in joining the sorority. Part of the problem is that I don't smile very much. I was at my old job for about four months when a co-worker said something that made me laugh and another co-worker commented to me "Wow, we got a smile out of you. I think this is the first time I've ever seen you smile." I'm trying to be more aware of how I come across to people who are just starting to get to know me.

I really think you gain as much from a sorority as you put in. When I was a neo, I wanted to get as much of the sorority experience as possible. I went to everything that I could (socials, community service events, sisterhood events, cultural events, MGC events, etc.) And whenever any of the girls invited me to hang out, I would try to make it (going to a movie, going to HUB late night, going out for lunch or dinner, going for bubble tea, etc.) Now, my sisters know me as the one who is always up for anything. If anyone wants to go clubbing, go exploring the city, go out to eat, go to a movie, or go on a roadtrip, they'll always ask me because they know most likely I'll be down.

Like other posters have said, make an effort to go out to the events and make an effort to get to know the girls. You don't have to pretend like you're Elle Woods (overly perky, overly bubbly, overly talkative *rah* *rah* cheerleader), but make sure you are approachable...make sure you're not coming across like Posh Spice. Smile, say hello, and look like you want to be there and are interested in the event.

[Corsulian]

I'm a fraternity alumnus, but this is a fairly common occurrence.

Last semester, I spoke to group of new members from my chapter. They were frustrated over this and that and one asked me if I had ever felt disconnected with the whole process.

Of course. In fact, it wasn't until about 2/3 through pledging that I considered anyone in the fraternity a "close" friend. A lot of it was probably my own fault. I was often so worried over saying the wrong thing that I often said nothing at all.

When you're not fitting in, there are only two possibilities. One, you do fit in and things just haven't come together yet. Two, you don't fit in. If you have concerns, speak to your new member educator, big sister, and chapter president. Typically, if you truly don't fit in, they'll let you know in one way or another. In all likelihood, they just think you're a quiet person.