Is GDI better than not getting your top choice?

[EE-BO]

Originally Posted by LadyLonghorn

Excellent post as usual EE-BO. One of the things I have been contemplating recently is why there seems to be a disproportionate number of unhappy recruitment endings on Greekchat. I think it gives the wrong impression that it happens more frequently than it does IRL. I have come to the conclusion that many of the women coming here prior to recruitment probably lack the understanding of the Greek system that many others already have, so they may not be quite as prepared for a successful recruitment. And a lot of times, especially at competitive schools, there really is no way to completely prepare when you're starting from scratch and using things like the internet for advice, getting all your recs from panhellenic alumna who do not personally know you, going into recruitment without knowing any chapter members etc. And of course there are the large number of women and helis who come here afterward to vent and question the process. I mean how many women come here for the first time looking for recruitment related information after a successful rush? It's always going to be the ones who are disappointed. So I think here at Greekchat we see an overabundance of sad stories instead of all the victories out there, and the casual reader could get the wrong impression that an overly large number of recruitments go very very wrong.

Well said.

Young women who are serious candidates for socially prominent chapters at competitive campuses- don't need Greek Chat to gain access. Those candidates come into the process with a background and family/friend support with a knowledge base of what is needed.

This does not mean GC has no value- it certainly does. But the fact is that a lot of the sob stories and heli-mom nightmares involve top chapters and competitive campuses, and those posters- as a general rule- will never understand why they or their daughter never had a chance in the first place.

95% of the time, I think GC can be a helpful resource for PNMs. That other 5% of the time are those who are most likely to come back with a slam thread expressing anger- and all too often it happened at a competitive campus where someone was hoping to not join a sisterhood but instead use Greek letters to make up for other social inadequacies.

Point being, I see the somewhat high rate of negative outcomes here are based on the fact we get overloaded with those who are getting in over their heads for the wrong reasons. But thankfully there are many happy tales to overcome that in the big picture.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by EE-BO

All too often it happened at a competitive campus where someone was hoping to not join a sisterhood but instead use Greek letters to make up for other social inadequacies.

This is so true. I find that this was the case even at the non-competitive school I went to.

The girls who ended up having the best experiences and being happy in the end were those who didn't set out only wanting Most Popular. They're the ones who just want to be in a sorority that wants them and they feel comfortable with.

In addition, I think that girls would come out of recruitment having had a better experience if they could get this idea through their heads:

If you did not get invited to join your top choice, they didn't want you. But your 2nd/3rd choice that you got a bid from obviously did. So you should give them a chance, as opposed to getting upset over a group that wasn't interested enough in you to rank you high. Why not be with the girls that wanted to have you?

Harsh? Yep. But it is also true.

[lawgal]

Originally Posted by EE-BO

Well said.

But the fact is that a lot of the sob stories and heli-mom nightmares involve top chapters and competitive campuses, and those posters- as a general rule- will never understand why they or their daughter never had a chance in the first place.

I am afraid this comment really sounded elitist to me - was it meant to? Are you saying that someone without the good old girl network never has a chance at a top sorority on a competitive campus? Or was the qualifier - "as a general rule" - meant to refer not to the understanding of the posters but to the general chances of the pnm?

It seems to me that ignoring pnms without the steeped in tradition background would exclude many young women who could positively enhance and improve the sorority. Just my opinion...

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by lawgal

It seems to me that ignoring pnms without the steeped in tradition background would exclude many young women who could positively enhance and improve the sorority. Just my opinion...

Chapters have autonomy in selecting their members. If they want a certain background and want to ignore other PNMs, that's their prerogative. No one ever said recruitment was fair.

[EE-BO]

Originally Posted by lawgal

I am afraid this comment really sounded elitist to me - was it meant to? Are you saying that someone without the good old girl network never has a chance at a top sorority on a competitive campus? Or was the qualifier - "as a general rule" - meant to refer not to the understanding of the posters but to the general chances of the pnm?

It seems to me that ignoring pnms without the steeped in tradition background would exclude many young women who could positively enhance and improve the sorority. Just my opinion...

Hi lawgal,

My apologies- I was not meaning to sound elitist at all. My point was that at a very competitive school there are a LOT of PNMs who come into rush having carefully researched and planned their recruitment- often years in advance if their mothers were Greek at competitive schools and know what it takes.

So when someone comes here ill-prepared at the last minute and is talking not only about wanting to rush at a competitive campus, but also about only being interested in a certain group of chapters (or perhaps even just one), they have no idea that the ship has sailed. Maybe they can get all those piles of recs etc. done in the 1-4 weeks prior to rush, but odds are they are still going to be far behind where they would have been with proper planning.

And the fact they come into the process so late and have not done basic planning/research makes their desire to rush and only go to X, Y or Z sorority all the more insulting in a way- even though they may not intend it that way.

The end result is someone who came into the process without giving it proper respect by trusting it and preparing for it, had unrealistic or misguided expectations and then hates and resents it when they don't get what they want.

I hope my posts on this topic will not shame or degrade anyone- but rather challenge future PNMs to get ready earlier and put a little faith in the process and in the chapters.

[Zillini]

Originally Posted by lawgal

I am afraid this comment really sounded elitist to me - was it meant to? Are you saying that someone without the good old girl network never has a chance at a top sorority on a competitive campus? Or was the qualifier - "as a general rule" - meant to refer not to the understanding of the posters but to the general chances of the pnm?

It seems to me that ignoring pnms without the steeped in tradition background would exclude many young women who could positively enhance and improve the sorority. Just my opinion...

Not elitist, simply realistic. I don't believe she or anyone else would say PNMs are being ignored. But hard decisions do have to be made, especially on a super competitive campus and especially for a chapter that is considered a "top tier". Practically every PNM wants in that chapter and not everyone can be taken.

(Clarification: The following is not directed at Lawgal or her comment. Simply a general statement/opinion.)

It frustrates and at times even angers me when I read PNMs or moms or others continually ask "Why did I/she get cut? 4.0 GPA, great resume, several Recs, had great conversations, ... I thought they loved me/her!!!" I'm sorry but decisions have to be made and it happens. The chapter members aren't purposely trying to be mean. Nor is a member lying if she says she really likes a PNM. They are not being fake when they are excited to see PNMs return to the next round, only to cut her that night.

Who here has ever interviewed for a highly sought after job or even an entry level job at a large corporation where there were 100's if not 1,000's of candidates? You may be qualified, have a sterling resume, glowing letters of recommendations and what you considered a great interview. The company hires someone else and you have no idea why you weren't selected. In your mind you were just as qualified as who they hired.

Is that company elitist for choosing another candidate they felt would fit better in their corporate environment? Someone they thought had just a bit shinier of a resume? Someone whose personal recommendation came from a highly respected employee within the company whom they know and trust? Or any other recruitment equivalent reason. Is the company mean, fake or lied to you when you thought you had a great interview? Of course not. They simply chose another candidate. It's nothing personal. Most people can accept that when it comes to a job, but they can't look at it this objectively when it comes to a competitive sorority Recruitment.

[SureSister]

Originally Posted by Zillini

Who here has ever interviewed for a highly sought after job or even an entry level job at a large corporation where there were 100's if not 1,000's of candidates? You may be qualified, have a sterling resume, glowing letters of recommendations and what you considered a great interview. The company hires someone else and you have no idea why you weren't selected. In your mind you were just as qualified as who they hired.

Is that company elitist for choosing another candidate they felt would fit better in their corporate environment? Someone they thought had just a bit shinier of a resume? Someone whose personal recommendation came from a highly respected employee within the company whom they know and trust? Or any other recruitment equivalent reason. Is the company mean, fake or lied to you when you thought you had a great interview? Of course not. They simply chose another candidate. It's nothing personal. Most people can accept that when it comes to a job, but they can't look at it this objectively when it comes to a competitive sorority Recruitment.

Excellent analogy, Zillini.

My though has always been this: Sorority recruitment is, in many ways, a snapshot of many other processes that we face in life. When large numbers of people must be whittled into smaller groups, there are processes that are generally followed.

Consider similarities to drafts in the military and in professional athletics. In both cases, people are poised to be unhappy, satisfied, or elated with their individual results. Were young men disappointed when they were selected to go to war (years ago)? Obviously in this case, the winners were those where not selected. And how about drafts in professional sports? Are athletes disappointed when they are not selected for their dream team? For any team? Of course.

Rejection is tough, yet ever present.