lonely and depressed...

[DoubleTDG]

I am feeling you there. All of my friends are getting married, two of the guys I dated in high school have kids (3 and 1), and I keep getting asked at weddings why I don't have a ring or where my significant other is. I am almost 23 as well and have 3 more years of school and from what I have heard law school ends relationships, so why would I want to put forth too much effort into one?

[Lady Pi Phi]

Why is everyone getting married so young???

Ok, I'll admit, I'm scratching my head wondering why anyone would get married at 23? At 23, marriage and kids was the last thing on my mind. It was also the last thing on the minds of my group of friends. To me, 23 seems so young (granted, I don't know these people so I really can't say and don't want to be judgmental about their reasons for getting married).

I'll be 29 when I get married (I just became engaged a few weeks ago) and sometimes that still seems young to me.

If you want to get married at 23 or 103, that's up to you. At the end of the day, you need to do what's best for you, so don't worry about what everyone else is doing.

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by Lady Pi Phi

Why is everyone getting married so young???

Ok, I'll admit, I'm scratching my head wondering why anyone would get married at 23? At 23, marriage and kids was the last thing on my mind. It was also the last thing on the minds of my group of friends. To me, 23 seems so young (granted, I don't know these people so I really can't say and don't want to be judgmental about their reasons for getting married).

I got married just after turning 24 (my wife was 23, about to turn 24); we did it because we'd been living together for over two years, we loved each other, and the time was right.

A 23 year old could have just as good a reason for getting married as a 35 year old, so I don't see what the age has to do with it. That said, I agree that you shouldn't compare yourself to your friends if you're worried about marriage. For some people it happens earlier in life, for others, later.

[Lady Pi Phi]

Originally Posted by KSigkid

I got married just after turning 24 (my wife was 23, about to turn 24); we did it because we'd been living together for over two years, we loved each other, and the time was right.

A 23 year old could have just as good a reason for getting married as a 35 year old, so I don't see what the age has to do with it. That said, I agree that you shouldn't compare yourself to your friends if you're worried about marriage. For some people it happens earlier in life, for others, later.

You're right, age has nothing to do with it. I never said it did. My own personal opinion is that 23 is too young (but again, that's my own personal opinion), but if you're ready at 23 or 103 or 29, then that's your decision and you should go for it (and congrats if you already have!).

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by Lady Pi Phi

If you want to get married at 23 or 103, that's up to you. At the end of the day, you need to do what's best for you, so don't worry about what everyone else is doing.

Originally Posted by KSigkid

A 23 year old could have just as good a reason for getting married as a 35 year old, so I don't see what the age has to do with it. That said, I agree that you shouldn't compare yourself to your friends if you're worried about marriage. For some people it happens earlier in life, for others, later.

I agree that you should get married whenever you're ready. The sad thing is, the married/engaged people I know have ended up having huge problems that could have been prevented had they waited. I know being in a relationship is work, but the bad is compounded when you haven't figured out YOU yet.

[AKA_Monet]

I got married at 34 years old. And I eloped.

I waited many years--lonely and suffering because I dated some lusers mixed in there...

The reality, is I was NOT ready to dedicate my life to my significant other. When you get married, you have to do that every now and then. I just came off from having to do that and it was very painful for my husband. He supported me financially for nearly 7 months because I had to leave my hellish job. Believe me, without his support, what would I look like moving back in with my parents at nearly 40 years old! And I know SEVERAL people OLDER than me that have done that after crazy relationships with kids...

From your post-baccalaureate days to your mid/late-30's--PLEASE enjoy all that you are. If you are suppose to be a nuclear physicist making presentations to the UN, learn that and give yourself as much way to make your OWN way. So that when this economy--or your economy worsens, you've got your own "ticket" to succeed... Do not wait until your old, decrepit or too sick to make essential changes.

Good Luck!

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

I agree that you should get married whenever you're ready. The sad thing is, the married/engaged people I know have ended up having huge problems that could have been prevented had they waited. I know being in a relationship is work, but the bad is compounded when you haven't figured out YOU yet.

EXACLTY. I think that there's nothing wrong with someone who is 23 or even 18 getting married if they truly have found their "one" that they want to marry, but how often does that happen? We are finally able to go/spend/study/move where we please. I can't imagine more than a handful of people who have just started to taste independence in the last 5 years being ready to give that up for someone else, yet about 60% of my class seems married or engaged and our av. age is 24. I'm very happy for those who are happy, but so sad for those who did it just to be able to have a wedding. I find that girls my age are often excited and prepared for a wedding, not a marriage.

Anyway, I wouldn't say I'm lonely and depressed; it's not quite that dire. I just want some male company. Someone to come over and watch a movie on the couch with, maybe call me sometime or go to Dave and Buster's with. SOMEBODY PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!! lol I'm not looking right now, but it's taking all of my self-control not to be.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Anyway, I wouldn't say I'm lonely and depressed; it's not quite that dire. I just want some male company. Someone to come over and watch a movie on the couch with, maybe call me sometime or go to Dave and Buster's with. SOMEBODY PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!! lol I'm not looking right now, but it's taking all of my self-control not to be.

Welp, personally, you are not old enough to be that leacherous, but basicallly are you asking us, the GC, should you pursue a "Fcuk Buddy"? Cuz that's what it sounds that's what you would like... LOL.

I mean, hey, be real. Nothing's wrong with that. The deal is for these kind of ADULT relationships, the person is NEVER there when you need him/her. And they hardly are "satisfying".

Now, if you just want a "friend" who happens to be a male (a real one born with a penis and a scrotum), the ONLY fellas I know willing to be like that are ghey... Most young men and some old one's to ain't gonna to that too long without you puttin' out. Now they may wait for a month at the longest... But that's about it. They can find a chick who will do that an then some where they write home to their mama's telling them he's gonna marry her--or the two get caught up with a pregnancy.

If you enjoy flowers, movies, etc.--hey, get them yourselves. Most men aren't giving those items from the beginning of a situational/relationship. And I'd be worried if I got all these "presents" from jump.

And a note from a former dry seasoned woman: If you want the kind of relationship you described, then fix dinner for a guy friend. Ask what's his favorite meal and attempt to make it. If he's too anal about it, I wouldn't invite him over to your house. And, if you go over there, always be bearing "food gifts"--like cookies, cupcakes, etc.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Welp, personally, you are not old enough to be that leacherous, but basicallly are you asking us, the GC, should you pursue a "Fcuk Buddy"? Cuz that's what it sounds that's what you would like... LOL.

In a word...almost. Allow me to explain: I have another friend who happens to be one of only 2 male virgins I ever met in college. We developed a new sort of buddy--the "virgin's version" if you will. This "buddy" is so defined as someone of the opposite sex who is the person you dial when it's the middle of the night and you suddenly realize how lonely you are (and feeling pathetic for being so) and just want someone to cuddle with you as you fall asleep so you don't feel so alone in the world. You might kiss, not because you're attracted to each other, but because heck you feel like kissin' someone tonight. There's no sex involved and you don't want there to be. But having someone who comes over in the middle of the night and keeps a toothbrush at your place gives the illusion that you are no longer "missing out" but in reality you spent the night with a friend doing nothing to write home about. I would have enjoyed that a year ago, but now I want to stick to traditional dating. I see now that it was a good concept in theory but...

Well, I realized this is NOT a good idea. It's extremely hard for me to keep my hands to myself. We haven't played with that fire again.

[Dionysus]

Look at it this way...when you're single you can have tons of no-strings-attached sex, date multiple people even at the same time, and you can flirt with who ever you want.

If you're not getting enough attention, change where you hang out and who you hang out with. This made a HUGE difference for me, within the last year. I think many of you are making the mistake of avoiding bars. That's where you will find MANY MANY other single people...for fucking, for relationships, or just for friendships. Playing sports is another good way to meet single people.

It's not a time for tears it's a time for joy