lonely and depressed...

christiangirl · #1 06-23-2008, 05:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sairose

I have no interest in being married yet, not at ALL. I don't understand how my friends are married...I feel like we're all too young. I also don't expect guys to just fall at my feet...but I'd like to know what it's like to have someone that likes you. I'd like to know how it feels to be asked out.

*bump* I started to start a thread titled "This is where we b$%^& about being single" but this seemed appropriate.

This is my sentiment and I thought I'm schpiel about it. I'm almost 23 and NOT in the market to be married. I don't even really want a serious relationship--it would only complicate my life right now. I decided I'm not looking for ANYBODY until I get my Master's because there's no way I'd want to stay in this area. As soon as graduation hits, I'm moving (if I had my preference) so there's no point in getting into anything long-term, I've already gotten through my first year. But I would like to date around in the meantime. At least go out with a guy every now and again for fun. However, I've always been the one to do the asking. I've always been the one to say "I like you" first. I want to know what it's like when the guy you like wants you to like him, wants you to go out with him. I don't get that. I'm not looking for a proposal (I've had that once, it really sucked) I just want to find a good man and have him tell me he likes me and wants to spend time with me. Too much to ask?

Seriously, I've given up on dates. I went out with I guy I've been crushing on for 6 months and told my friend "That wasn't a date; that was a go-see."

I just wanted to know if we were compatible and that kind of thing is strictly a go-see in my book (takes the pressure off). He turned out to be a total wuss. We went to a theme park and when I refused to get on his favorite ride (one that scares the CRAP out of me) he sulked about it for 12 HOURS. I'm a little sorry I asked him, but at least now I know. I'd like to do more of that but all the guys in grad school seem to be married, engaged, or serious. Plus, there are only about 5 of them in my program and that DOES NOT HELP.

knight_shadow · #2 06-23-2008, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by christiangirl

*bump* I started to start a thread titled "This is where we b$%^& about being single" but this seemed appropriate.

This is my sentiment and I thought I'm schpiel about it. I'm almost 23 and NOT in the market to be married. I don't even really want a serious relationship--it would only complicate my life right now. I decided I'm not looking for ANYBODY until I get my Master's because there's no way I'd want to stay in this area. As soon as graduation hits, I'm moving (if I had my preference) so there's no point in getting into anything long-term, I've already gotten through my first year. But I would like to date around in the meantime. At least go out with a guy every now and again for fun. However, I've always been the one to do the asking. I've always been the one to say "I like you" first. I want to know what it's like when the guy you like wants you to like him, wants you to go out with him. I don't get that. I'm not looking for a proposal (I've had that once, it really sucked) I just want to find a good man and have him tell me he likes me and wants to spend time with me. Too much to ask?

I feel you on this. I'm 23 now, and it seems like everyone around me is married/engaged/seriously dating/with child. This has never seemed "right" to me. I've always been the one who wants to get my stuff together before I throw another person into the mix.

So in my eyes, your last statement is not too much to ask. That's what I want too

Quote:

Seriously, I've given up on dates. I went out with I guy I've been crushing on for 6 months and told my friend "That wasn't a date; that was a go-see."

I just wanted to know if we were compatible and that kind of thing is strictly a go-see in my book (takes the pressure off). He turned out to be a total wuss. We went to a theme park and when I refused to get on his favorite ride (one that scares the CRAP out of me) he sulked about it for 12 HOURS. I'm a little sorry I asked him, but at least now I know. I'd like to do more of that but all the guys in grad school seem to be married, engaged, or serious. Plus, there are only about 5 of them in my program and that DOES NOT HELP.

WOMP on the sulking. I hate seeing that when I'm out.

DoubleTDG · #3 06-23-2008, 11:40 AM

I am feeling you there. All of my friends are getting married, two of the guys I dated in high school have kids (3 and 1), and I keep getting asked at weddings why I don't have a ring or where my significant other is. I am almost 23 as well and have 3 more years of school and from what I have heard law school ends relationships, so why would I want to put forth too much effort into one?

Lady Pi Phi · #4 06-23-2008, 01:32 PM

Why is everyone getting married so young???

Ok, I'll admit, I'm scratching my head wondering why anyone would get married at 23? At 23, marriage and kids was the last thing on my mind. It was also the last thing on the minds of my group of friends. To me, 23 seems so young (granted, I don't know these people so I really can't say and don't want to be judgmental about their reasons for getting married).

I'll be 29 when I get married (I just became engaged a few weeks ago) and sometimes that still seems young to me.

If you want to get married at 23 or 103, that's up to you. At the end of the day, you need to do what's best for you, so don't worry about what everyone else is doing.

KSigkid · #5 06-23-2008, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Pi Phi

Why is everyone getting married so young???

Ok, I'll admit, I'm scratching my head wondering why anyone would get married at 23? At 23, marriage and kids was the last thing on my mind. It was also the last thing on the minds of my group of friends. To me, 23 seems so young (granted, I don't know these people so I really can't say and don't want to be judgmental about their reasons for getting married).

I got married just after turning 24 (my wife was 23, about to turn 24); we did it because we'd been living together for over two years, we loved each other, and the time was right.

A 23 year old could have just as good a reason for getting married as a 35 year old, so I don't see what the age has to do with it. That said, I agree that you shouldn't compare yourself to your friends if you're worried about marriage. For some people it happens earlier in life, for others, later.

Lady Pi Phi · #6 06-23-2008, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSigkid

I got married just after turning 24 (my wife was 23, about to turn 24); we did it because we'd been living together for over two years, we loved each other, and the time was right.

A 23 year old could have just as good a reason for getting married as a 35 year old, so I don't see what the age has to do with it. That said, I agree that you shouldn't compare yourself to your friends if you're worried about marriage. For some people it happens earlier in life, for others, later.

You're right, age has nothing to do with it. I never said it did. My own personal opinion is that 23 is too young (but again, that's my own personal opinion), but if you're ready at 23 or 103 or 29, then that's your decision and you should go for it (and congrats if you already have!).

knight_shadow · #7 06-23-2008, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lady Pi Phi

If you want to get married at 23 or 103, that's up to you. At the end of the day, you need to do what's best for you, so don't worry about what everyone else is doing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSigkid

A 23 year old could have just as good a reason for getting married as a 35 year old, so I don't see what the age has to do with it. That said, I agree that you shouldn't compare yourself to your friends if you're worried about marriage. For some people it happens earlier in life, for others, later.

I agree that you should get married whenever you're ready. The sad thing is, the married/engaged people I know have ended up having huge problems that could have been prevented had they waited. I know being in a relationship is work, but the bad is compounded when you haven't figured out YOU yet.

AKA_Monet · #8 06-23-2008, 05:52 PM

I got married at 34 years old. And I eloped.

I waited many years--lonely and suffering because I dated some lusers mixed in there...

The reality, is I was NOT ready to dedicate my life to my significant other. When you get married, you have to do that every now and then. I just came off from having to do that and it was very painful for my husband. He supported me financially for nearly 7 months because I had to leave my hellish job. Believe me, without his support, what would I look like moving back in with my parents at nearly 40 years old!

And I know SEVERAL people OLDER than me that have done that after crazy relationships with kids...

From your post-baccalaureate days to your mid/late-30's--PLEASE enjoy all that you are. If you are suppose to be a nuclear physicist making presentations to the UN, learn that and give yourself as much way to make your OWN way. So that when this economy--or your economy worsens, you've got your own "ticket" to succeed... Do not wait until your old, decrepit or too sick to make essential changes.

Good Luck!

christiangirl · #9 06-23-2008, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

I agree that you should get married whenever you're ready. The sad thing is, the married/engaged people I know have ended up having huge problems that could have been prevented had they waited. I know being in a relationship is work, but the bad is compounded when you haven't figured out YOU yet.

EXACLTY. I think that there's nothing wrong with someone who is 23 or even 18 getting married if they truly have found their "one" that they want to marry, but how often does that happen? We are finally able to go/spend/study/move where we please. I can't imagine more than a handful of people who have just started to taste independence in the last 5 years being ready to give that up for someone else, yet about 60% of my class seems married or engaged and our av. age is 24. I'm very happy for those who are happy, but so sad for those who did it just to be able to have a wedding. I find that girls my age are often excited and prepared for a wedding, not a marriage.

Anyway, I wouldn't say I'm lonely and depressed; it's not quite that dire. I just want some male company. Someone to come over and watch a movie on the couch with, maybe call me sometime or go to Dave and Buster's with. SOMEBODY PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!! lol I'm not looking right now, but it's taking all of my self-control not to be.

Dionysus · #10 06-23-2008, 10:55 PM

Look at it this way...when you're single you can have tons of no-strings-attached sex, date multiple people even at the same time, and you can flirt with who ever you want.

If you're not getting enough attention, change where you hang out and who you hang out with. This made a HUGE difference for me, within the last year. I think many of you are making the mistake of avoiding bars. That's where you will find MANY MANY other single people...for fucking, for relationships, or just for friendships. Playing sports is another good way to meet single people.

It's not a time for tears

it's a time for joy