Things you like/dislike about pref night?? help!

[gee_ess]

As an advisor and an active, I have seen pref ceremonies turn into a "senior memory" event and it is (imo) a disaster. The PNM's have no idea what it feels like to be in a sorority, so actives crying over the great memories or wonderful relationships is a totally foreign concept to them. And, these very emotional seniors (who recruitment chairs keep putting in key positions for this night) are not the person these PNM's can relate to at this juncture in their collegiate experience.

It is important to get into the head of the PNM -not the other girls of your chapter.
Most often, the PNM has been on a roller coaster of emotion from getting cut, watching others be cut, making difficult choices, getting invited back to her first choice and feeling excited then panicky because she might still get cut, etc. She is tired and emotional as well as happy and excited.

So, I think the same general rule applies to pref that applies to the other rounds - make this young woman feel this is a place that she can feel comfortable, can relate to, etc. You will appeal to her emotionally if you appeal to the variety of very real emotions she is more than likely experiencing on this night, and make her realize that they are normal.

So my advice is: Stay away from the party pic/philathropy/sisterhood video - they have no idea what this really entails and it is not going to have the emotional pull for them that it does for all of the senior members of your chapter who will be quietly sobbing during the ceremony.

[AGDee]

What really got me during pref, when I was a PNM, was that during the ceremony and during one very special song, one of the members kept making eye contact with me and smiling at me. It made me feel like she was thinking of ME as they were saying these special words in the ceremony and the song. I was clearly her rush crush and she was mine, so she really sealed the deal by making that connection with me. If all the sisters are looking down or looking at each other, they seem disinterested in the PNMs. It seems small, but it was HUGE to me.

[AlphaXi_Husky]

Originally Posted by gee_ess

As an advisor and an active, I have seen pref ceremonies turn into a "senior memory" event and it is (imo) a disaster. The PNM's have no idea what it feels like to be in a sorority, so actives crying over the great memories or wonderful relationships is a totally foreign concept to them. And, these very emotional seniors (who recruitment chairs keep putting in key positions for this night) are not the person these PNM's can relate to at this juncture in their collegiate experience.

It is important to get into the head of the PNM -not the other girls of your chapter.

I have to 100% agree w/ this. While it's a very emotional time for the members (especially the seniors), the pref ceremony is not the time for people to blubber on about how much they're miss the sisterhood and how things are important to them. That makes it all about the sisters and not about the PNM. It's definitely important to connect with the PNMs - with eye contact, warm smiles and thoughtful conversation.

Personal story - when I was Recruitment chair for my chapter (quite a while ago) during the last preference party one of the seniors added a little something extra to her part of the ceremony - something along the lines of "I just have to say the seniors have put in a lot of time and energy and this is their last preference party and we've earned it!" It totally ruined things - I could have strangled her.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by gee_ess

As an advisor and an active, I have seen pref ceremonies turn into a "senior memory" event and it is (imo) a disaster. And, these very emotional seniors (who recruitment chairs keep putting in key positions for this night) are not the person these PNM's can relate to at this juncture in their collegiate experience.

I agree with this. One of my friends from another sorority told me about something like this that happened when she went through recruitment. She was at XYZ, and two seniors (who were real sisters as well) had parts in the perf ceremony. One sister was reading, and she started to tear up. The other sister was supposed to read the part that came after hers. They were reading from these notes they'd written, but the other sister was so overwhelmed with emotion that she threw down her paper, reaches over and hugs her sister and they start hugging and bawling for what my friend described as at least 5 minutes.

My friend isn't a cryer, so she was just kind of weirded out. When it came time for conversation, the sister who preffed her was one of the "crying sisters." So she was talking to the sister, and things were going better, until the other sister happens to walk by. THey burst into hugging, tears, and omg I love you, right in front of my frend the PNM. They didn't talk to her until it was almost time for the party to be over.

My friend decided that XYZ cried WAY too much and ended up ranking them LAST out of 3 parties on her final card because she was weirded out by the 2 crying seniors.

So yes, do take it easy on the sobbing and hugging. It can make your party seem like one big "insider sob fest" because the PNMs cannot relate to the things you're crying about. This makes the PNMs feel like an awkward outside observer, rather than an invited guest.